Is She Good Enough For You?
I accept the problematic nature of this question. Asking it, however, does not make you a snob. A new relationship is a time of discovery. Its first phases are filled with sex and romance. You can’t keep your hands off each other, and this is just as it should be: passion, lust, and the intense physicality that results from them ought to consume the waking moments of new lovers.
But if you intend to go beyond random hook-ups and mind-blowing orgasms with your girl, you will need to start assessing who she is as a person. Deciding whether she is “good enough” for you need not be determined by differences in social backgrounds, educational acquirements, or personal attributes. Let us take each of these in turn.
You may come from a middle class family while she is a working class girl. Or, she may be the child of recent immigrants—with a range of different religious, social, and other beliefs—while you descend from generations of native-born Americans. As a man of high ambition and purpose, you should be concerned about the woman you settle down with. The quality of your social life will affect the kinds of business and professional connections you make. But none of what I described above are deal-breakers. The most important thing to take note of is her attitude. Does she share your aspirations? Is she willing to sacrifice and maneuver in ways necessary for the both of you to get ahead? These are the things that really matter.
Differences in education can be important. A disparity in educational acquirements can lead to serious differences in cultural and intellectual interests. But, again, this need not be the case. She may have attained a taste for good books, good wine, fine restaurants, and elegant dress all on her own—without any formative experience in an institution of higher learning.
Is she good enough for you in the realm of personal compatibility? The worst thing you can do when deciding this question is to create mental boxes of positives and negatives. There is no such thing as human perfection—or perfectibility. You must accept the whole of her personality if you are to accept her at all. Anyone you date will always have things about them that annoy, embitter, and unsettle you. The thing to look out for is a fundamental lack of character. If you have caught her in a number of lies, if she makes it a point of humiliating you in front of friends, if she is prone to taking outrageous risks that affect you both, then you must question her dependability as a partner.
You should also be wary of a woman who has no real interest in you, but every interest in what you can give her, or sees your rise to the top as her ticket to the good life. This is the kind of woman who will drop you the instant things go badly. You can tell that you are with such a woman if you are always her last priority.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.