5 things to know about ghosting

Because almost everyone has done it or been victimized by it

lessons speed dating teaches us about attraction

1. People do it because it’s easy

According to this article in the Huffington Post:

Most people don’t look forward to tough conversations, and breaking up certainly falls in that category. Fear of disappointing someone, looking like the “bad guy,” or dealing with someone’s direct anger can cause anxiety. But the more you avoid conflict, the more anxiety builds over time.

Each time you think about having a tough conversation, your anxiety and fear of conflict take over, and you avoid the conversation to suppress your fear.

2. It’s the ‘ultimate scenario of ambiguity’

According to this article in Psychology Today:

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened.

3. Growing numbers of people have been on both ends

According to this article in the New York Times:

The term has already entered the polling lexicon: In October 2014, a YouGov/Huffington Post poll of 1,000 adults showed that 11 percent of Americans had ‘ghosted’ someone. A more informal survey from Elle magazine that polled 185 people found that about 16.7 percent of men and 24.2 percent of women had been ghosts at some point in their lives.

4. You’re better off just moving on

According to an article in Glamour:

While it makes sense that you would want an explanation or even confirmation that things are over, Durvasula says there’s little benefit to trying to get an answer. “If you are sure that this isn’t a true missing persons issue that needs to be reported to law enforcement, then your next step is to ghost them from your heart and mind,” [said psychologist Ramani Durvasula]. Why? A person who is a ghoster doesn’t tend to be particularly accountable for their emotions and actions, she says, so repeatedly reaching out and asking for an explanation generally doesn’t achieve much.

So, if you’re ghosted, the best thing you can do is just delete the person you used to date from your contacts and know that you’re better off without them.

5. Maybe it will lead to similar terms

This article in The Guardian speculated similar kinds of terms that might take off:

Frankensteining: The controlling partner who is trying to turn you into something you’re not.

Vampiring: That guy who just keeps coming back for more.

Sharknado-ing: Is this guy for real?!

Paranormal Activitying: The partner who likes a camera in the bedroom.

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About Jordan Murray Jordan is a journalist who has written extensively about dating and lifestyle for multiple publications.

5 things to know about ghosting

Because almost everyone has done it or been victimized by it

lessons speed dating teaches us about attraction

1. People do it because it’s easy

According to this article in the Huffington Post:

Most people don’t look forward to tough conversations, and breaking up certainly falls in that category. Fear of disappointing someone, looking like the “bad guy,” or dealing with someone’s direct anger can cause anxiety. But the more you avoid conflict, the more anxiety builds over time.

Each time you think about having a tough conversation, your anxiety and fear of conflict take over, and you avoid the conversation to suppress your fear.

2. It’s the ‘ultimate scenario of ambiguity’

According to this article in Psychology Today:

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened.

3. Growing numbers of people have been on both ends

According to this article in the New York Times:

The term has already entered the polling lexicon: In October 2014, a YouGov/Huffington Post poll of 1,000 adults showed that 11 percent of Americans had ‘ghosted’ someone. A more informal survey from Elle magazine that polled 185 people found that about 16.7 percent of men and 24.2 percent of women had been ghosts at some point in their lives.

4. You’re better off just moving on

According to an article in Glamour:

While it makes sense that you would want an explanation or even confirmation that things are over, Durvasula says there’s little benefit to trying to get an answer. “If you are sure that this isn’t a true missing persons issue that needs to be reported to law enforcement, then your next step is to ghost them from your heart and mind,” [said psychologist Ramani Durvasula]. Why? A person who is a ghoster doesn’t tend to be particularly accountable for their emotions and actions, she says, so repeatedly reaching out and asking for an explanation generally doesn’t achieve much.

So, if you’re ghosted, the best thing you can do is just delete the person you used to date from your contacts and know that you’re better off without them.

5. Maybe it will lead to similar terms

This article in The Guardian speculated similar kinds of terms that might take off:

Frankensteining: The controlling partner who is trying to turn you into something you’re not.

Vampiring: That guy who just keeps coming back for more.

Sharknado-ing: Is this guy for real?!

Paranormal Activitying: The partner who likes a camera in the bedroom.

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