What If You Have Nothing In Common?
Crossing this gap may seem impossible. What are you to talk about? How are you to relate to her? Why would should go for your most tried and trusted lines? In short, how can you date a girl you’re wildly attracted to when the two of you seem to have no interests or ideas in common?
She may be a tattooed punk rock chick and you a straight-laced bourgeois intellectual. She might be a refined middle-class lawyer and you a working-class car mechanic. She might be a quiet, shy scholarly type and you a drinking, hell-raising frat boy. Yet there is something about her. You cannot articulate it. You can make no sense of it at all. The entire thing seems absurd. You can neither imagine introducing her to your friends nor being introduced to her crowd. But when you look into her face, when you observe her movements, when you catch her in an unguarded moment something splendid and sensual comes to the fore—something that you find irrepressibly attractive and powerful. You must have her. But how—how are you to attain the seemingly unattainable (at least for you)?
The first thing to remember is what Freud taught us. Which is that underneath the complexities, restrictions, and ruling conventions of the ego and super ego there lays the id: the primal, sexual force out of which comes all instincts and drives. In other words, we are all still women and men, no matter our educational acquirements, professional achievements, and lifestyle choices. The punk rock chick may look forbidding and challenging, but she remains susceptible to flattery and seduction regardless of how different the suitor is from her.
Indeed, such difference may be one of the ways of winning your prize. The high-class, seemingly high maintenance lawyer may be so startled and surprised by your audacity, as a blue-collar man, to chat her up she may just go out with you. She may find such a move impressive and, in her way, a bit courageous. She may also let you take her out of pure curiosity. When given the chance, make the most of it. Show her that you are much greater than she may have at first thought you.
Another way of overcoming the chasm is through humor. It rarely if ever fails with women. If you are a plain, neatly dressed, clean cut type the orange-haired, nose-ringed punk girl may find you cute but intimidating. Making her laugh through a blend of self-deprecation and genuine wit may make you appear less so. It may even lead the both of you to the discovery that you have more in common than you think. You might be surprised to learn that in addition to getting as many tattoos as she can and piercing every orifice on her body the punker is also an avid reader, a keen observer of politics, and a lover of fine food, wine, and music.
The bottom line is to find a common humanity. Appearance and social status are important—there is no use claiming that they aren’t. However, nothing can stop two people who either immediately or at some point during their interaction feel the spark and intensity of attraction.
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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.