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How To Deal With A Sexually Tense Relationship


Attraction is a mysterious and protean feeling. You cannot force it, and you can never control it. Sexual tension is a kind of attraction that occurs instantly and unexpectedly and is usually the result of being in a situation with a woman that is in no way associated with dating, romance, or sex.

To be clear, bumping and grinding with a young hottie on the dance floor, chatting up a stranger at a bar, the burning desire to jump the bones of a first date—none of these constitute sexual tension. More accurate examples of the latter include the awkward moments of silence and the subtly suggestive acts of playfulness you experience with a work colleague, your best friend’s girlfriend, or the flirtatious hostess at your local.

It can be a problem, in that you may be forced to make difficult choices about your personal and professional life.

I said that awkward silence and playfulness are often signs of sexual tension. Anger and aggression can be as well. You should expect such emotions if your relationship with a female boss is filled with sexual tension.

This has actually happened to me. Years back, when I worked as a management consultant, I worked for a woman team lead slightly senior in rank but a little younger in age to me. We started off well, but as the project continued and we began spending more time together there occurred a number of clashes between us. After a while, I began to really hate this woman—or at least I thought I did. It wasn’t until we came to the end of the project that I realized what was going on.

Several times before and after one of our arguments I would catch her checking me out. I also recalled experiencing the most intense desire to bend her over the conference room table and violate her in the most intimate and uncomfortable of places. Our problem was really not one of incompatibility; it was rather one of unresolved sexual tension.

So, how do you deal with such a situation?

It depends on where it arises. If the sexual tension is with a work colleague, it may not be easy to ask her out and fuck her senseless at the first opportunity. She may have a boyfriend, fiancée, husband, in short an entirely different life that she is unwilling to risk for a fuck. Yet, the job has thrown the two of you together and a quite pronounced thing has arisen between you.

My advice is to tread carefully. Do not be precipitous in action. The tension may last or it may fade out. If the former happens, then you can always wait until an office party, a team outing, a business trip, or some other fortuitous event that may give you the opportunity to consummate what the both of you desire.

If the tension is with your best friend’s girl or some other terribly inconvenient situation, my advice is to let the thing go. I am, in general, against sleeping with the girlfriend of a good friend. Nothing good ever comes of it. Your best move is to acknowledge what you feel and do your best to act it out in a way that shows genuine affection and appreciation for the woman, but stops short of anything risqué.

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  • Conversation Games That Create Attraction
  • The Secret to Making “Small Talk” Sexier
  • How to Make Her Laugh (and make her want you)
  • 3 Tricks to Avoid Awkward Silences
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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.


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