Is A Discrete Romance Still Possible?
There may be a number of reasons why you prefer to pursue a discrete—not to say secret—romance. It isn’t a case of being ashamed of your crush. Indeed, she may also want the two of you carry on in as quiet and inconspicuous a way as possible.
First, we need to make a distinction. A discrete romance is not the same as a secret fling. The two of you are not actively trying to hide anything or deceive anyone. Your aim rather is to keep close hold of what you do and say to each other.
In most cases, intensely private people are those who most wish to maintain a low profile relationship. You may not want your personal business spread out all over the workplace. If you are anything like me, you hate gossip and the prospect of gossip; but the circumstances under which you are attracted to someone may make it impossible for you to keep your private affairs out of the office.
You may, for example, have developed a crush on one of your work colleagues. She feels the same about you. The difficulty is that neither one of you wants to become the object of office rumors. Another instance may involve a mutual attraction you have with a hostess, bartender, or serving girl at one of your locals. Some women go into that line of work determined not to have anything to do with the clientele outside of the job. But that never works out. Mental boundary walls are incapable of stopping the attraction and attachments of the human heart.
In each of the scenarios described above, it is very hard to keep things under wraps. You will be seen chatting and flirting with one another. Again, this is something that cannot be helped and that will show no matter how much you try to control it. Co-workers, especially the women, will try to extract as much information from your girl; and it will take great restraint on her part to remain silent.
Silence and evasion are two of the main means of pursuing a discrete romance. If the two of you are determined to keep your affairs private, it is possible. You don’t have to lie about what is going on, but you don’t have to divulge any facts you don’t want to.
In the age of Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, text messages, and other media, the desire for privacy may seem like an outdated feeling. In my day, the first thing you would ask for is a girl’s phone number. Nowadays it seems that her full name is the thing to ask, so that you can Friend her on Facebook, which of course leads to messaging one another. The down side to this is that as soon as you Friend your crush on Facebook the nosy people with whom you are both Friends will begin to dig up what dirt they can from your respective profiles—the same goes for other social media. Emails are too cold and impersonal. Phone text messages work of course; but people will automatically assume that you are sending or receiving texts from your crush, and this will generate the kind of talk you are trying to prevent.
So, I suggest this. Write letters. It is an old fashion practice I know—practically unheard of today. But exchanging handwritten or typed letters with your crush is unlikely to raise suspicion. Indeed, you might want to stick to typed letters because no one will believe that anyone takes the time to actually type, print, sign, seal, and hand deliver a letter. They’ll assume its business correspondence. This is an especially effective way of communicating to a girl who works in a bar or restaurant. It will allow the two of you to get to know each other without friends on either side getting involved.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.