Why overthinking is killing your dating life
If you are anything like most guys out there, you will remember a few moments off the top of your head about a missed opportunity.
It could have been any number of situations you missed out on:
As guys, these situations can haunt you, and that my friend, is half the problem.
Overthinking is killing you.
In this article, I’m going to delve into the 4 reasons why overthinking is killing opportunities for you and how to overcome it.
If you are reading this article and realise that you are one of the guilty culprits, you need to wake up and smell the coffee.
You’re a worrier.
What you need to be is a warrior!
The high school girlfriend you didn’t talk to who’s now super hot.
Warriors charge headlong into battle, without doubt, or overthinking. If they stood at the edge of a battlefield and started overthinking, the enemy would slice them up quicker than a turkey at Thanksgiving.
By worrying, you are creating situations in your mind that haven’t yet happened. By worrying about it, often your body language will reflect your concerns, and before you know it…
They become reality. You’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you’re considering doing something, for example:
Give yourself the 5-second rule instead of worrying before an encounter.
Don’t hesitate. Count to 5 and then act on it. Nine out of ten times, you are often going to do better than if you worry about what will happen.
Nobody wants to look stupid. Especially not in front of the pretty lady they’ve been chatting to at the bar. Let’s say she goes to speak to her friend and you begin to overthink the situation, you can sometimes act out and do something stupid.
You might interrupt her to try and get her attention back and kill the vibe.
The other problem with overthinking is it can lead you to not just act stupid, but look stupid. Often you’ll have so many thoughts in your head focused on what she may be thinking about you, that you end up stumbling over your words.
By worrying about whether she is having a good conversation with you, or if she finds your jokes funny you begin to believe your self-doubt in your mind. Your self-doubt will then take over and you will come across as not having confidence.
Conversations can become mechanical and not flow, and that’s an instant date killer.
Breathe, take your time and don’t stress. Rather than thinking about what she’s thinking of you, just listen to what she says and focus on the conversation.
Don’t act rashly if it doesn’t go the way you want, act calm and collected like it didn’t matter that she stopped speaking to you anyway. Give off the impression that you are having an amazing time without her.
I’m sure you’ve all heard of the snowball effect. One problem begins to pick up momentum and creates more and more problems. This is something you want to avoid.
The small joke you made that bombed doesn’t have to be the ultimate decider for your night. An overthinker will see this as the beginning of the end and panic that his date doesn’t find him funny or worry about a whole host of other issues.
Don’t worry about the little things, and build a mountain into a molehill.
Instead, carry on as if it didn’t even happen and find a new conversation point. You can leave the terrible joke in the dust without anything to worry about.
Overthinking can often make you decide in your head the outcome of the situation before it has happened. This is what we call a false conclusion.
Why are false conclusions bad?
False conclusions suck for many reasons.
If you are doing the worrying in your own head, you will usually come to a conclusion in your own head. This can actually have nothing to do with the current situation.
When you do reach this false conclusion in your head, you will often act upon it. Jumping to conclusions is something that can cause you a lot of grief in a dating scenario.
The really sad part is, you might give yourself an excuse for the outcome. You may tell yourself it wasn’t going to work anyway. She didn’t like my jokes or my sense of humour. By coming up with excuses for the reason it didn’t work out, you are letting false conclusions get the better of you.
Remember not to create your own false conclusions. Chances are, the worries in your mind are just worries.
Don’t overthink it. Count to 5, and act and you will have infinitely more success than thinking, ‘I wonder if she really did hate that first joke I told her.’
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About Jamie Atkinson Jamie Atkinson is a freelance writer and sales coach who has over 10 years of experience coaching, selling and training in the field. He was born in the UK but now travels all over the world, teaching other aspiring entrepreneurs how to achieve their own success by sharing the benefits of having a lifestyle business. You can find out more from Jamie over at www.letsgetjobless.com