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How To Avoid Being Bullied Into A Date

                                                        

Getting to the easy let down

 

I witnessed quite a remarkable event at my local the other day. One of the bartenders who I have come to know was on a date with a regular who I had seen from time to time. It was obvious to me that he did not want to be there, that he felt uneasy and uncomfortable. He struggled to make small talk and seemed uninterested in the woman sitting across from him.

On the few occasions I had seen her I tried my best to avert my eyes, to do nothing that would turn her attention toward me. She is a loud, obnoxious, unattractive woman who is devoid of the rather simple art of the inside voice. Whenever she comes to the local she inflicts herself on the staff by insisting on being friends with each of them.

I could tell that she had worked some magic to get one of the male bartenders to have a drink with her after his shift finished and then take her to another place afterward.

This was a sad sight, but it is not the first time I’ve witnessed or been privy to guys who have been bullied into taking a girl they want nothing to do with out on a date. A number of women have tried this on me, and on one or two occasions I have even been the target of a coordinated effort by the girl and a friend of hers who I had come to know through her marriage to a close colleague.

On the surface, the mere suggestion of being bullied into a date seems absurd. But it does happen, and it is easier than you might think to fall victim to it.

Here are some pointers on how to avoid being forced into a date:

Know the most obvious type to do this

The girl whose description I gave in the opening part of this article is the kind of woman most likely to bully a man into taking her out. The unattractive queen bees, the ones who have poured all their energy into making everyone their friend, the ones who never shut up and have a way of getting people to agree to do things with them before they understand what they have committed themselves to—these are the women who know how to get men to buy them dinner and drinks.

They often pretend to have a boyfriend—a boyfriend who no one ever sees—and their most effective ploy is asking you to do something with them that seems perfectly harmless, but is in fact a means to ensnare you.

Know the more subtle types

The queen bees are not the only ones who know how to bully men into dates. There are women of a more subtle and crafty persuasion who will get you to act against your intention and will without your even knowing it. These might be called the sly foxes. In a way, they are much more dangerous than the queen bees because they know how to exploit your vulnerabilities.

They will stroke your ego, engage in every type of flattery and ingratiation; they will pretend that you are the hottest, sexiest man on earth, and that they have the most desperate crush on you. The effectiveness of this kind of woman is that they do all this in a shy and reserved way. It is not the kind of gushing affection that is likely to turn you off; it is all hints and gestures. They will simply maneuver you into a date rather than get you to ask them directly.

Draw the line—gently

To avoid falling into something you want no part of you must draw the line. But first you must know when you are being played. You must learn the signs that a girl you may be playful and friendly toward wants something that you do not want to give.

Women who bully men into dates tend not to have much of love life. They want what their more attractive sisters have but cannot get it. They get laid through drunken one night stands, but they never get asked out on proper dates. And they can’t seem too desperate to. Their practice is to outflank the man they want to take them out.

Your aim should be to stop the assault before it begins.

In response to a girl who comes on strong with overfriendliness. raise your own level of charm and good humor. Be as fun-loving and personable as you can be, but commit to nothing. If a girl takes the more subtle route, respond to her flattery with compliments and flattery of your own. Such women are easily disarmed when men use their own tactics against them.

Approaching the matter in this way will keep you in everyone’s good graces.

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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.


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