How To Date A Shy Girl
To you she has always seemed reserved, cagey, and uncommunicative. You could tell that she liked you when she first saw you, but she was difficult to warm up; her conversation was slow in coming and she came off a little awkward and unsure of what to do or what to say; some of the things she spouted may have even seemed a bit bizarre. You pressed on with one date, and then another until she was finally comfortable enough—with herself it seemed—to have sex with you.
You thought that would loosen her up and allow things to flow more smoothly, but it hasn’t. You are at your wit’s end. You can’t tell if she likes you or she is just going along with what you want because she has nothing else to do or if she is playing some kind of long-term mind game.
It’s probably none of these things. You are probably just dating a very shy girl.
Yes indeed! It is the case that even in these voyeuristic times, when social media encourages vanity and self-promotion, and everyone is constantly in everyone else’s business, shy girls still exist. Dating a shy girl can be a very frustrating experience. In Japan, where I spent a great many years as a young man, diffidence and modesty in women is encouraged, so I know of what I speak.
The key to successfully dating a shy girl is first to recognize the fact that she is shy and second to not treat her as you would a more assertive and socially well-adjusted woman.
The latter is the hardest thing to master. When a girl seems always cold and distant, the instinct of any red-blooded man is to believe she is angry with him or uninterested. Don’t ask her if she’s mad at you. She’s not mad, she’s just shy, and here are tips on how to handle that.
Being shy is not the same as being insecure. Shy girls do not seek the limelight; they do not always need to be the center of attention. It doesn’t follow that they are not confident about who they are, what they do, and what they want to be. There is no need to treat your girl as though she is a fragile weakling. She is stronger than you think. Just because she doesn’t talk your ear off doesn’t mean she isn’t secure in herself.
Shy girls neither want nor do they need to be constantly in the presence of other people. In fact, they need time to themselves. The fact that she’s dating you proves that she wants a man in her life. Just not all the time. She will want to be away from you every so often, even on weekends. She’s not creepin with someone else or partying with her friends. She probably just wants to stay at home and read a book. Don’t question it. Give her the space she needs to recharge her soul.
Shy girls are extremely quiet around strangers. When you first introduce her to your family and friends, she will say little without prompting. It doesn’t mean she dislikes them; it only means she needs time to get to know them. She will do her best not to embarrass you, but you should not expect too much from her until the two of you have been together for a while and she has had a chance to get closer to your friends and loved ones.
And try to introduce the people in your life in small gatherings. Don’t invite a hundred people to your home at once or take her to a party of that number in which everyone knows you. It will only freak her out.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.