Why Monogamous Relationships Are so 2017
I’ve had this conversation with numerous people when traveling around the world. There’s something about people traveling that just seem to be more open to the idea of exploring life outside of the ‘norm’ that society paints for us.
When you look at relationships, especially in the modern world of online dating, there are a number of things that seem to come up time and time again as issues. Trust, honesty and the feeling that you don’t really know what your partner is up to behind your back.
Honestly, guys can get a lot of bad rap for this. I’ve spoken to many women who will openly call themselves ‘man-haters’ who don’t ever feel like they will fully trust any man again. Honestly, it’s kind of sad.
The issue comes from people betraying trust, but why do we betray trust in the first place? For many guys (and girls I might add) especially in your 20’s there is so much temptation out there.
Many would say that temptation is a poor excuse as a reason for treating, but what if the reason for so many people cheating, was down to a more prominent issue with monogamy in general.
When you look at human characteristics, there is a primal level in our core that literally wants to mate with the opposite sex. Sexual attraction and arousal is something that stirs in our unconscious mind, and those emotions are brought to the forefront of our attention. This is when we choose to act on them or not.
The issue with monogamy is that you feel that it’s wrong to have those feelings of arousal and sexual attraction and you suppress them. But why do we do this?
It’s because as a society we are told that is what you have to do. If you are in a relationship with somebody, you have to commit to them explicitly, and you cannot have any sexual contact with others.
The problem I find with monogamy is that in many relationships people are not entirely open with one another. Many people have flirty situations with people in bars, with the guy or girl from work and in many other situations.
These situations happen, we think about wanting more, whether sex or just a kiss and then we suppress it. Sometimes, people don’t suppress it at all, they just go with it and then don’t tell their partner.
The issue with monogamy is that our bodies and our minds have new experiences that we come across that we want to naturally explore with our subconscious mind, and our relationships don’t let us go down this route.
That’s where polyamorous relationships are different.
Polyamorous relationships in their most basic form are the practice or desire of having intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners. It’s looked at as being consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy.
It’s really on the opposite end of the spectrum of dating multiple women at once without any of them knowing about each other; it’s an honest and open approach which many are fearful to consider.
In 2018 especially, we may be seeing a shift in the dating world as the ‘poly’ community is on the rise. With taboo subjects and the freedom of information on the internet fueling many changes in our society, we may see a difference in the way relationships are looked at.
It’s interesting that if you look back at our own history, we may think that marriage and monogamy are how we have always been as a society. Yet polygamy – when more than one spouse is allowed, was the norm for many of our hunter-gatherer ancestors.
It is estimated that as many as 5% of Americans are currently in polyamorous relationships. The boundaries vary in these relationships from couples one-off ‘swinging’ or partner-swapping and others committing to stable partnerships among three, four or five partners simultaneously.
When you speak to people today, the fear of being honest about the way you feel is perhaps what holds them back from accepting being poly. 46% of women think about someone else during sex, 30% of women and 25% of men have had sex with a friend they have previously fantasized about, 26% of women and 22% of men have also had sex with a work colleague they have lusted after.
To top it off, 1 in 5 women have fantasized about having sex with their boss.
With so many of us thinking about and wanting to follow our desires, we are scared to speak to our partners about the way we feel, when in truth talking about and exploring these feelings could be exactly what you need to live through a happy and healthy relationship.
A discussion I had with a woman recently about her friend’s relationship was really eye-opening. In their relationship, they are poly, and this couple is crazy about one another. The way they see their relationship is they don’t want to limit each other’s experiences in life.
If they were both single, they would experience everything that they wanted too personally, and a monogamous relationship would put barriers on certain things that they could experience. By being poly, their relationship has no restraints, they both are allowed to do whatever they like.
This kind of trust and openness allows them to speak honestly with each other, experience amazing things and still have the safety and comfort of having one another. It’s a type of relationship that is aimed at helping them both grow as people while still being connected together.
Have you ever considered being polyamorous or have had friends or people you know who have explored polyamorous relationships? What would be the main interest for you?
Let us know in the comments what you feel the risks may be or what the biggest benefit might be for you.
About Jamie Atkinson Jamie Atkinson is a freelance writer and sales coach who has over 10 years of experience coaching, selling and training in the field. He was born in the UK but now travels all over the world, teaching other aspiring entrepreneurs how to achieve their own success by sharing the benefits of having a lifestyle business. You can find out more from Jamie over at www.letsgetjobless.com