Is She Your Soulmate?
I used not to believe in soulmates. But that is because I am a materialist, and have no time for mysticism and superstition. Over the years, however, I have reconsidered my position, or I should say my understanding of this concept.
I have come to view soulmates not as a product of wishful thinking, but as a product of natural affection and attraction. I now believe there are individuals—men and women—who are as perfectly compatible as it is possible to be—who could never be as close mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with any other person as they are with each other.
This in itself is a mystery, but before dissecting it I wish to explode the myths associated with soulmates.
A soulmate is not someone you fall passionately in love with and can’t keep away from. These fall under the category of infatuation and obsession, which are not necessarily bad—and any man who has not had at least one experience of sexual obsession and mad love has not truly lived—but they do not mean that the object of your desire is your soulmate.
A soulmate is not someone who you agree with on every single issue. In fact, if you are with someone who parrots your every thought and belief, leave—no seriously, leave now.
A soulmate is not the infamous One that we have all been taught to believe is out there waiting for us. It is possible to marry a woman who you think would make a good wife and mother and still know she is not your soulmate.
So who is this elusive creature? What are the characteristic signs that make someone your soulmate?
Here are a few of them:
You took an instant liking to her, and she to you. Right from the start you got each other’s jokes and sense of humor. You were able to laugh and kid and even tease each other a little bit without feeling awkward or uncomfortable. You felt so at ease with her that you, unconsciously, let down your mental guards and spoke your mind plainly.
If you meet a girl and feel as though you’ve known her all your life, she could be your soulmate. This feeling of instant familiarity and closeness is rare, and it may be a sign that she is someone special.
You do not have to constantly explain yourself to a soulmate. She will just get all of your loves and hates, your preferences and peculiarities. It doesn’t mean she will like them or that she will always tolerate them, but she will understand them without your having to talk about them over and over again.
Have you ever held a woman in your arms and felt a great sense of peace and calm? If you get this feeling whenever you hold her hand or she puts her head on your shoulder, the girl you with may be your soul mate. Again, there is nothing supernatural about this. Human physiology is complex, but I suspect that what people call chemistry is literally that: bio-chemical processes responding positively to each other.
Your soulmate does not exist to affirm your world view. In fact, she will push you, challenge you, engage in every variety of contradiction, opposition, and criticism; but this will be done at the right time and in a way that will help you become a better man.
There is a difference between a woman who is bad tempered and mean and who brings up sensitive topics to hurt you and a woman who knows what you need to hear and when you need to hear it. The latter is your soulmate.
In the end, soulmates are more mystery than myth. The mystery lies in actually meeting someone who has all the qualities described above. It is incredible that individuals who are so compatible could ever meet. But it happens. To find your soulmate you must keep your eyes sharp, your ears tuned, and your heart open.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.