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No more attraction? Here is how to save your relationship!

How to Reignite Attraction in a Relationship

Do you know the feeling of lying in bed next to your girlfriend and you were both just lying there without saying a single word to each other? Sometimes this feeling of awkward silence would last for hours, sometimes even all night. Maybe she was checking her phone, texting but not actually talking to you and if she was, it was rather about a whole bunch of unimportant things, like reminding you of taking out the garbage on your way to work the next morning.

Whenever you even attempt to make a move towards the sexual direction, like touching or kissing her gently, she hardly ever responds or even when she does, she seems to be rather uninterested and defensive. When you ask her what’s up and decide to confront her with her strange behavior, she would only come up with a whole bunch of different excuses.

She might have had a hard day or she has to wake up early in the morning, maybe her boss was being a dickhead, maybe she is just tired and not in the mood or – perhaps the most common one – she has a headache.

Whatever excuse she might have pulled up her sleeve, all of those signals actually represent a much deeper issue and are not what is really going on below the surface. The problem is, even though she might tell you about stuff, that is currently going on in her life, and it really seems to be bothering her, between the lines she is telling you something entirely different.

And no, I am not talking about her lying to you, even though sometimes that might be the case. Sometimes she doesn‘t even know herself what is going on, which is why she can‘t tell you properly.

Therefore, I am talking about her not clearly telling you what the actual problem is, that caused her to behave strangely in the first place. I think you can get a sense of what I am trying to refer to here. Why would she even act and behave so defensive, if she was really and I mean 100% into you?

Yep, you nailed it. She is not feeling it for you anymore. I mean, in most cases she might still be in love with you, especially when you have been in an ongoing relationship for quite some time, that would totally miss the point of what I am trying to tell you. Because I am not referring to the feeling of love and connection. I am talking about the feeling of attraction.

I am talking about the feeling that keeps her up at night, the feeling that causes her to think about you all day long, the feeling that leads her to texting you while she is at work and happily telling her friends and co-workers about how she can’t stop thinking about you and so forth. I am talking about the feeling that gets her wet by only thinking about coming home after work and finally jumping beneath the sheets with you, wanting her to rip your clothes off your body.

What most people, especially us men, fail to realize is that the feeling of love and connection differs from the feeling of being attracted to another person on a both emotional and physical – in other words, sexual level. The problem is that most men have this false idea and believes about the feeling of attraction, especially when it comes to a relationship. Just because you are finally in a relationship with your loved one and you now get her to call your girlfriend and you can finally show off with her in front of your friends and co-workers, doesn’t mean that the feeling of love and connection will do the job by itself.

That doesn’t mean that having an emotional and spiritual connection with your girl is unimportant, because it most definitely is, and a fulfilling relationship couldn’t ever function without those feelings.

What I am saying though is that most people tend to forget about the importance of a physical/sexual attraction in a relationship. Just because you are now finally together doesn’t mean that you are not man and woman anymore and you just stay together doing the same old over and over again. This way of thinking not only leads to a lot of boredom and a routine that is toxic for both your overall well being and the one of your partner, but causes long term effecting relationship issues, that are not to be underestimated.

This can happen for many different reasons, but I would now like to introduce you to the most common reasons of a missing physical attraction in a relationship, both short and long term:

  • The partner let himself go: If you or your partner let yourself go, then they have to work on restoring their physical attractiveness. This means doing sport, eating healthy, paying attention to a healthy work-life balance and caring for yourself. Because all this has an effect on whether we feel comfortable within our bodies and whether we express this feeling as well. It is therefore important to dress up nicely for one another and to look good (not always, of course – Jogging pants on a lazy Sunday with pizza and Netflix in bed are totally fine)

 

  • Routine: As soon as the routine starts to show up in your every day life your sex life will gradually decrease in most cases. The problem is that passion lives from uncertainty. This means that you always have to do something new in order to avoid the routine. That routine is also often the reason why one of the partners wants to have a side leap. Not necessarily because the other sexual partner would be more attractive to them, but simply because it’s exciting. It is something new, uncertain and also forbidden.

 

  • Too much distance/proximity: Another important factor that encourages routine is when you two are spending too much time sitting on one another. That is, when you’re always very close to each other. When there are no phases in which you are without your partner for a certain period of time, then you can’t miss them either. And if you don’t miss them, you won’t feel any excitement after seeing them, let alone having sex with them. On the other hand, however, it is also a relationship killer to be too distant all of the time. When you rarely ever see each other or do everything separately, so that you don’t have any real couple activities, then it can quickly lead to you growing apart and finding other partners. Simply because your connection is not strong enough.

 Now that you are more aware of the importance of the feeling of attraction you probably want to hear about advice that you can immediately implement into action to save your relationship from falling apart. Here are a few things that you can do:

  • Have an open conversation with your partner: Even though, there might be several reasons for not experiencing plenty of attraction in a relationship, in many cases you can break them down into the few reasons that are listed above. First of all, it is important to be mindful about it and to become aware of the actual issue in order to work on improving it. Consider having an open conversation with your loved one. It might make you feel a little bit awkward at first, but hey: Life is short. And there is simply no time for not experiencing the best relationship you could possibly experience. Consider taking this moment of awkwardness and making yourself vulnerable in front of your girl. Not only does it show her that you actually care about the two of you but it is also a huge sign of strength to openly talk to her about your feelings. 
  • Kill the routine by creating a relationship culture: This means you should consider being constantly open to new experiences at first and then taking action, which means trying out new kinds of things. Try new sex positions – Buy a Kamasutra (Don’t listen to those clichée judgements, the book actually has its appeals and will teach you some great sex techniques). Have sex at new places (at work, on top of the washing machine, in the kitchen, outdoors etc). Also consider this advice to not only apply in your sex life but rather into your every day life by trying out new restaurants, new vacation destinations, new hobbies, by expanding your social circle constantly etc. Remember, passion lives through uncertainty. It is therefore important to always keep an open mind, especially when it comes to relationships and trying out new things/activities/destinations.
  • Flirting & Seducing: Can you think back to the days where you and your loved one have started to actually get to know each other? Whatever happened to the emotional roller coaster you went through when you didn’t even know for sure about how to approach her and of what to say when she says yes and whether she actually means no or not? Flirting and seducing are not only important in dating but also play a huge factor in the further existence of a happily functioning relationship, which most partners tend to forget. Therefore, flirt with your partner a little more. Seduction doesn’t necessarily have to mean sex all the time. Start by some gentle strokes, kisses, massages, licking or fingering etc. You don’t have to be an Einstein to get a little bit more creative when it comes to seducing your partner who has already chosen you to be by her side. 
  • Get more attractive: This advice goes to everyone out there that has let himself go in his relationship. It is important to know that in order for your partner to be attracted to you, you have to give her a reason to be attracted to you. That simply excludes appearing weak and in an unpresentable physical appearance. Consider signing up for a gym membership, consider trying a new haircut, consider buying some running shoes, engage in a new sports activity, buy some new, good looking clothes, start grooming. Getting in shape will not only make you more attractive to your loved one, which is your responsibility by the way, but also causes you to feel a lot better.
  • Be Spontanious & Creative: This one is not only regarding your sex life but you can apply this advice in your every day life. When was the last time you spontaneously picked up your girl from work and took her out for dinner at a new restaurant or went to the movies together? When was the last time you grabbed her and pushed her against the wall while kissing her passionately? When was the last time you went for a spontaneous trip together, like a hike through the forest or up the mountains – Additional advice here: Sex in nature certainly has its appeal! Just give in to your impulses when it is appropriate. Holding yourself back constantly will only cause her to lose interest in having sex with you and make you look weak, because you are not staying true to a part of yourself that actually wants to grab her and push her against the wall, while touching up her body and seducing her.

All of those advices require being open to those sorts of experiences though. You need to be willing to make the commitment to change things for the better, as your attitude in your relationship, such as it’s outcome is partly your responsibility. And if you are being totally honest, life really is too short to be wasting too much time in a relationship that leaves you nothing but unhappy and not fulfilled. So why not give yourself the permission to talk to your loved one and finding some new activities and creating new experiences that will not only benefit you both but also increase your level of intimacy and both emotional and sexual connection with one another. Give it a try and see for yourself!

For More Great Tips Please Visit:  Seduce with Personality

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About mark lambert Mark Lambert is a writer, blogger and coach for men. For more than seven years he has been writing about the challenges of our time on the gender role and the development of one's own personality. On his site, www.seducewithpersonality.com he gives men advice on dating, relationships and life.


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Never Run Out of Things to Say to Women Again

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