Online Dating: 3 Ways To Get Women To Send The First Message

Women rarely send opening messages on OkCupid, Tinder or any other online dating site. But when they do, here are a few tricks to help you make sure you’re the recipient:

1. Use something from pop culture

On my OkCupid profile, for example, under ‘The most private thing I’m willing to admit’ section I wrote: “I cried a little when Derek Jeter announced his retirement.” Women don’t often keep up with current events in the sports world, but Jeter’s impending retirement resonated with everyone in the greater New York City area, where I lived at the time.

Pay attention to news, events and people that women are talking about and think how you might incorporate it into your online dating profile.

2. Use something (discreetly) sexual that women can relate to

Out of all the things I’ve ever written on any of my online dating profiles, here’s the one line that has compelled the most women to send me an opening message: “If one more girl off here snapchats a pic of her vag to me I will scream!”

Most women have received unsolicited “dick pics”, so they can relate.

3. Have an all-around cool profile

When your profile has a lot of strong content, you’ll get more openers from women that look like this:

She doesn’t refer to anything specific about my profile, but the sum of its parts urged her to send a message. If you never receive any messages like the one above, your profile is probably weak and you should reevaluate everything from your words to your pictures.

Ideally, every sentence and/or paragraph on your profile should have content that a woman can use if she wanted to message you first. Every few months I update my profile, removing content that women never comment on (in either an opening message or during a thread that I started.) Use a trial and error approach.