How to Use Women’s Barriers the Put Up to Attract Them

This article comes from Swingcat, author of one of my favorite manuals Real World Seduction.  Swingcat is best known for his concepts on Prizing, Push-pull, and attracton loops.

How to use women’s barriers to attract them

I want to share some realizations which took me years to figure out. If I even knew half of what I am about to tell you back when I was first learning how to attract women, I would have saved truckloads of time.

But before getting into the heart of the matter, I am going to get a bit philosophical, so bear with me as I put
on my tweed jacket, lean back in my lazyboy chair, and chew on the pipe I got from the last Masterpiece Theater auction.

In our culture, we are taught — by our parental upbringing, schooling, media, etc. — that when confronted with a barrier
there are only two ways of dealing with it: to either break it down by struggling against it or to give up and flee from it.

We, furthermore, are taught that most things worth having are only obtained by overcoming specific barriers.

In the world of business, this type of thinking may be useful. But thinking and acting this way around women will make your odds of getting laid worse than the chances that Elvis is still alive!


Because women are not attracted to men who are not the PRIZE. And when you view attracting a woman as a sequence of barriers and hoops you have to get through in order to get her, you are unknowingly defining the interaction between the both of you as her being the PRIZE, not you.

Imagine striking up a conversation with a girl so hot, she makes Britney Spears look like Boy George. The conversation is going so smooth that you are on the cusp of crying tears of joy that this woman ‘actually’ digs you. Then out of nowhere
she strikes you with the all too familiar words: “I have a boyfriend.”

Now, when faced with a barrier such as this, most men are about as quick-witted as a deer in headlights — they just buckle completely. They interpret the words “I have a boyfriend” as meaning: “she is already taken, she is not interested in me, she wants me to go away, etc.” The ‘I have a boyfriend’ words become a BARRIER they must flee from or break down.
Most men will either walk away or attempt to get past the barrier by saying something like: “I will make a better boyfriend than him.” Both of these reactions are EXTREMELY unattractive to women on several levels, three of which are:

1) These responses define the underlying meaning of the interaction as the women being the PRIZE, not the man.

2) These responses are predictable, which is unattractive to women. Women are usually attracted to unpredictable and spontaneous men (by the way, doing things that are unexpected and unpredictable are some of the most effective ways of getting a woman so emotionally charged she is chasing you).

3) These responses give women control of the underlying meaning of the interaction (Remember: Women are ATTRACTED to men in control of the underlying meaning of the interaction).

So that begs the question: “How do I respond to women who put up barriers in an ATTRACTIVE way?”This, my friends, is the crux of the issue. But this is what I have figured out – The key is to do or say something that TRANSFORMS what you took to be a barrier…into a benefit!

I’ll say it again for those of you still stuck in the headlights: DO or SAY something that TRANSFORMS that barrier into a benefit!

A powerful technology that can be used for TRANSFORMING barriers into benefits is what I call “meaning coups”.

Before I tell you what meaning coups are, I am going to demonstrate their power by applying one to the dreaded words: “I have a boyfriend.” One of my favorite meaning coups to use when a woman utters these words is: “Good…in that case I’ll allow him to bring us breakfast in bed. But – the orange juice better be fresh, or he is getting clubbed.”

When you use this meaning coup in response to the words ‘I have a boyfriend’ it redefines the underlying meaning of the interaction as her using her boyfriend as a means of persuading you to sleep with her. Put in other words, the meaning coup recontextualizes the words ‘I have a boyfriend’ as meaning that you are the PRIZE she is trying to win over.

Meaning coups give you back control of the underlying meaning of the interaction (which is important because women are ATTRACTED to men in control of this underlying meaning). Like a political coup where a government is taken over by another party unexpectedly, meaning coups LITERALLY take over the underlying meaning of the interaction and
suck the woman into your reality in an unexpected way.

Even if the meaning coup is not completely effective, it conveys the message that you are unwilling to go into her reality and allow her to define the underlying meaning of the interaction between the both of you, and you come off looking stronger and more attractive to others as a result.

Meaning coups are also one of the best methods of PRIZING — getting women so emotionally charged that they are compelled to chase you. Within the first few seconds of meeting a man, a woman will usually predict a sequence of events that will play out between the both of them depending on how she judges him. When you use meaning coups — give unexpected meanings to things, make her see things from a new and unexpected perspective, etc. — you mess up her
predicted sequence of events. The unpredictability that ensues will create emotions inside her body compelling her to
chase you.

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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