How To Use “Sexual Tension” With Women
Here is a really informative newsletter from David DeAngelo. It is one the best ones he has released in awhile. If you don’t already own his e-book Double Your Dating check out the reviews here.
NOTE: Somewhere in this newsletter I reveal to you an almost “magical” technique… This particular technique is one of those “gems” that you can use in many situations with women… one that has the power to instantly transform the energy between you and a woman into an almost INSTANT ATTRACTION…
Here’s an interesting thought:
Ask 100 attractive women if they know what the words “Chemistry” and “Sexual Tension” mean, they’ll all nod their heads and say “Of course!”.
Ask 100 guys off the street if they know what the words “Chemistry” and “Sexual Tension” mean, and about 98 of them will give you a dumb look and say “Uh, not really”.
A few will probably say things like “Um, is Sexual Tension like… when you and a chick are having sex in a weird position and you get a cramp… right?”.
The reality of this situation is that most attractive women know EXACTLY what Chemistry and Sexual Tension are… and they can describe them in DETAIL… but most men have literally NO IDEA… they’re completely clueless.
Think about that.
I’m talking about an incredible phenomenon here…
How is it POSSIBLE that one of the most important aspects of attracting a woman is something that most men know NOTHING about?
And how is it that almost ALL attractive women are totally “in the know” about this stuff?
Is there some kind of strange conspiracy against men?
Are women keeping a secret from us guys just so we won’t be able to break the code?
I mean, think about it…
If you were an attractive woman, would you want to find a guy that you had to TEACH the concepts of Chemistry and Sexual Tension to… or would you want a guy who just “got it” on his own… “naturally”?
You’d want the guy who already “got it”.
So more likely than a conspiracy against clueless men, women just naturally respond to men who GET IT, and DON’T respond to men who DON’T.
So let’s talk about these concepts a little bit more.
When a woman uses the word “Chemistry”, as in “There was chemistry between us” or “I want to meet a man and have natural chemistry”, she’s talking about ATTRACTION.
Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that she and a guy are “naturally compatible” because her emotional and physical sparks fly when she meets or is around that guy.
NOTE: I did NOT use the word “logical” here.
Chemistry is NOT the result of a woman meeting a man and then thinking to herself “Let’s see… he is six feet tall, has a good job making 37% more than the medial salary, is the correct age for child rearing… I think that we have a natural chemistry…”.
For a woman, Chemistry is either THERE, or it ISN’T.
There’s no two ways about it.
Unfortunately, most guys hear the word “Chemistry” and they think it somehow equates to “The guy must be good-looking so the girl thinks he’s sexy… and since I’m NOT the most handsome guy alive, women won’t feel it with ME”.
This is only because most guys don’t get that you can make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you REGARDLESS of your looks, age, income, height, or anything else.
So let me repeat:
“Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that she and a guy are “naturally compatible” because her emotional and physical sparks fly when she meets or is around that guy.”
Sexual Tension is about the interaction.
It’s that feeling you get when you’re in the presence of someone you’re attracted to, but there are OBSTACLES, ANTICIPATION, HUMOR, and/or other ingredients in the mix that both increase the ATTRACTION, and increase the TENSION in the situation.
Sexual Tension is the combination of being pulled toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the same time.
It’s about not knowing what’s going to happen, but being on the edge of your seat WANTING to know what’s going to happen.
Think of it this way…
If a woman KNOWS that she has you right from the beginning, she won’t be as interested… this is why so many guys kill their chances with a girl instantly by going “overboard” and doing too many things to demonstrate his interest.
But if she DOESN’T know whether or not you’re interested, and you keep the mystery up, while making her more and more interested, she will think about you ALL THE TIME.
This is creating Chemistry, and increasing the Sexual Tension.
Will a woman feel more ATTRACTION for a guy who always talks to her when he sees her, always calls
her, and is always available?
She’ll feel more attraction if he’s more mysterious, challenging, and unpredictable.
Remember, Sexual Tension is GOOD for attraction, not bad for it…
So let’s talk about some great ways to create Sexual Tension… which will NATURALLY lead to that magical feeling of CHEMISTRY.
1) BE COCKY & FUNNY
Being Cocky & Funny, or using Cocky Comedy, is a fun, interesting, enjoyable way to create and amplify Sexual Tension.
The formula is:
Start with an arrogant thought, then add humor to complete.
If you’re standing in line waiting for your coffee, and you notice an attractive woman behind the counter, you could say “Hurry up, you’re not working fast enough” in a serious tone of voice.
That’s arrogant. It’s cocky. But it’s not at all FUNNY.
You’d sound like a jerk-off if you said that in a cold way.
If instead you said “Hey, since you like me and this line is always long, how about if I just walk to the front from now on and you give me free coffee?”…
Now that’s a whole different story.
If that same girl behind the counter goes to take your money, and drops it, you could say “You’re a klutz, watch what you’re doing”.
If you did, you’d sound rude and stupid.
On the other hand, if you start shaking your head, roll your eyes, and breath out through your nose loudly in a dramatic way like you’re completely annoyed with her (in a funny way), you’re going to make her laugh.
These are examples of being Cocky & Funny, or using Cocky Comedy.
2) WAIT TO CALL HER
What do most guys do when they get a girl’s number or email address?
Right, they call or write three minutes later.
“Hi, it was great meeting you a few minutes ago… so, what are you doing?”
Calling or writing a woman immediately is one good way to destroy any anticipation or Sexual Tension that was present in the moment.
On the other hand, if you call up two days later and say “Hey, what up? I’m busy tonight, and tomorrow, but let’s do something on Friday. Here’s my number, call me… I gotta go…” that’s a TOTALLY different type of communication.
By day two, she’s already wondering why you haven’t called, wondering if you’re getting back together with your ex that she’s imagining being a model… and generally beginning to wonder if and when you’re going to call.
Waiting builds tension. Do it. And do it after the FIRST call as well. Learn to become comfortable not knowing what’s going on… and waiting to find out. It’s MUCH better.
3) TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK
This is the ultimate formula for AMPLIFYING a woman’s anticipation, arousal, and interest in you.
Moving two steps forward, and one step back takes Sexual Tension, and it DIALS IT UP.
The idea is simple:
Every time you make “progress” in a romantic way with a woman, STOP. Then lean back.
For instance, if you have been talking to her, and you start holding hands… after a few minutes, TAKE YOUR HAND BACK.
Then lean back physically, and move away from her for a little while.
If you wind up kissing a little while later, STOP kissing her, and lean back again.
Women don’t get turned on quite the same way men do.
Men are on/off switches.
Women are volume knobs… that need to be turned up gradually.
If you show some self-control, make her feel good, and then go two forward, one back you will give a woman an experience she’ll really enjoy, and won’t forget. (By the way, this kind of “subtle” method of creating tension is one of the MOST powerful things you can do to increase the amount of attraction a woman is feeling for you.
4) TEASE HER
Women LOVE teasing when it’s done in the right way.
Some people think of teasing as “making fun of”…
Now, I DO love to make fun of women… but I’m talking about a different type of teasing right now.
I’m talking about the type of teasing where you give someone a LITTLE BIT of what they want, then take it away so they want it MORE.
I’m talking about leaning in to kiss a woman, then stopping right before you kiss her… so she can feel your lips just about to touch hers, and then staying there for just a moment…
…and then LEANING BACK.
You’re teasing her.
You know that she wants you to kiss her, but you’re NOT kissing her.
You’re in control, and she loves it, hates it, and WANTS IT.
Teasing creates this Sexual Tension rapidly.
You can tease in many ways…
Next time you’re buying something, when the girl behind the counter reaches out to take yourmoney, put it in her hand, then quickly take it away as she grabs it.
It’s fun, and you can use it almost everywhere for the enjoyment of both you and her…
ANOTHER REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE:
Let’s say you and a woman are out together, and you’re enjoying your evening.
She decides to throw out one of those types of questions that you’re not expecting, but that seem DESIGNED to throw you off…
She asks the question… “Do you think we’ll ever have sex?”
Now, most men will answer, “I hope so” or “why, do you want to?”
Sexual Tension – KILLED.
She asks, “Do you think we’ll ever have sex”…
You answer, “Only in your dreams… and calm down, just because I’m out with you doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you”…
Sexual Tension – AMPLIFIED.
When she asked the question, she was TESTING you… she wanted to know if you were going to bite down on the bait. She was finding out if you were REALLY as in control as it seemed.
You either pass or fail those.
The more you watch for, listen for, and pay attention to Sexual Tension, the more you’ll begin to NOTICE it.
And the more you NOTICE IT, the more you can start to control it, amplify it, and direct it.
A FAVORITE WAY TO CREATE CHEMISTRY AND SEXUAL TENSION
I’m going to share a FANTASTIC technique with you right now, so put on your thinking cap, and remember this one.
This is a great way to let a woman know that you understand Sexual Tension and Chemistry, while at the same time CREATING THEM.
Let’s use a real-world situation.
Maybe you had responded to a few online personals, and some women have written you back…
And lets say that one of the women said, “tell me more about yourself”, etc.
Let’s further say that in her online personal profile she mentioned that she loved cats…
You might write her back, and say:
“Here’s a little more about me… I’m sitting on my favorite chair, reading a magazine. You walk into the room, and the air shifts… you slowly and carefully walk up to where I’m sitting, and rub up against my leg… I look down at you, and you look back at me… “Meow”, you say… I reach down, and gently stroke your head… and you go running away… like a typical kitty cat…”
If you are acting like a MAN, being Cocky & Funny, communicating that you’re in control of yourself and the situation, etc., something like this can be MAGICAL.
A story like this one communicates sooooo many things at once… things that would take you literally weeks of “regular” communication to convey to her.
A little story like this one, at just the right time can create so much Sexual Tension, and spark the Chemistry so fast that you’ll often INSTANTLY take things to a different level with a woman.
Now, there’s a very important factor that you MUST understand…
You CANNOT do this, create a little story like this, and try to use this way of talking to a woman if you’re acting like a WUSSY.
This can only be used in the context of you having communicated that you’re a MAN… and one that understands ATTRACTION, at that.
If you try to do this kind of thing before you’ve communicated that you’re a masculine, powerful guy, you’re only going to make a woman RUN away.
Check out David’s fantastic book now!
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About David DeAngelo David DeAngelo is the author of Double Your Dating, and the creator of programs like Advanced Dating Techniques. He has spent the last 15 years educating men on how to improve their dating life, self confidence, and inner game. You can read 22 of his David DeAngelo's best articles here.