Being “The Man” in Bed

Below is some decent seduction advice from Derek Vitalio. It is not one of his best articles, but it gives some good tips on bedroom tactics. He talks about smelling the girl, which David DeAngelo endorses, and I can highly endorse as well. I’ve been using the tactic lately and it really drives girls wild. So for more free advice on the art of seduction keep reading…

Most men get stuck pushing attraction into action. If you use the techniques and theories below, you should never have that problem again. Even resistance can be used to your advantage in the long run.

Have Trust and Attraction First

You’ve established rapport and trust with your girl. Good.

You’ve isolated her and you’re in a private place where you don’t have friend’s eyes or drunk interruptions to worry about. Very good.

You want to kick things up a notch. You want some nookie.

We’ve gone over a few methods, but it’s time to get some more. Time for some POWERFUL tools. You ready?

The Smell to Sex Accelerator

First, I’ve got for you the smell to sex accelerator. How’s this one work? Simple. Smell her shoulders.

Again, the lady needs to be comfortable. You need to be close to the kiss, but just looking for that extra nudge to get things rolling. Rare is the lady who’ll take charge, and lots of guys freeze up here, fearing an attempted kiss too early will kill their chances (not that that’s necessarily true, but it’s certainly the prevailing belief).

So to ease over that edge, get up or lean over and smell her shoulders. Not like a bloodhound. Not like you’ve got a cold. Just breath deep – silently but strongly – and take in her scent. Do it a few minutes.

After that, start smelling a little further up – around her neck, then her ears. Chances are good the girl will be going wild by now. She’ll be trying to stay cool but getting REALLY hot and bothered. She might grab you for a kiss.

If she hasn’t put the iron man hold on the back of your neck, then lean in to that kiss – maybe brush your lips – but then pull away with a smile and smell her just a little bit more.

She’ll go crazy.

Where’s this from?

Why does this work anyway? I mean, SMELLING a girl, that sounds kind of… what, fetish like.

Nah. Truth is, you’d like it too. For one thing, it’s part of the mating dance in our section of the animal kingdom. Back when it meant something, a male would smell to see if the woman was in heat. He’d inspect with his nose – make sure she didn’t have any infections or injuries.

It all led to sex.

We don’t do that anymore, but the programming remains in us, closer to the surface than you think. Think nonverbal sexual cues.

Another thing which gets women excited when you do this is the feel of your warm breath on her skin. Think about it, that’s a pretty stimulating thing. It’ll get a rise out of anyone.

Ever notice how, if you’re ticklish, those sensitive regions become highly erogenous during sex? How you don’t laugh anymore, but you just get hot? This is very similar.

If you’re uncomfortable or scared, their breath on your neck will freak you out (hell, just a breeze on the neck can do it). But if you feel safe and you’re with someone you trust, it’s just a great great feeling. And a damn sexy one.

If she starts to moan, don’t be shocked.

From Questions to Kisses

Now earlier we talked about the "Would you like to kiss me now?” question, and that can work both with or without smelling. (If you need a reminder: if she says anything but "no” you kiss her. If you get a "no” respond with "I didn’t say you could – you just looked like you had something on your mind.)

Here’s another one that works well. While being nice and intimate – personally, I like to get a girl sitting on my lap as soon as possible, stroking her inner thighs – you can ask her what kind of man she likes. A take-charge guy, a sensitive guy, what’s she really go for?

Then, after a DELAY (and this is crucial, or you’ll come off as a kiss-ass) act accordingly. So if she likes the take-charge guy, you simply take her cheek, aim her lips, and powerfully kiss them.

Once the mood is set, if she likes the leading type, you HAVE TO take control. She won’t respect you otherwise – and she certainly won’t sleep with you.

On the other hand, if she likes the sensitive type, you can then ask more questions about that. What is it she likes about that? Have her walk you through an incredible sensual experience that left a mark.

This is good, because you’re actually guiding her to feel the same emotions again, in an echo affect. Only this time, she feels them while YOU are the one touching her.

After she’s finished, you say something like "Let’s see if we can beat that.” and then give her a soulful kiss.

Recovering from a premature kiss attempt

Now, if you try one of the three methods I’ve described and it doesn’t work, you need to take your time before you make another attempt. You don’t want to come off as a sleaze who only wants in her pants.

You’ll need to rebuild the vibe, amp up her attraction again. Make sure you bring her further along the next time, and then, when you’re sure the kiss is right… tease her a little more. Brush the lips. If you’ve kissed once but she resisted BUT she’s still interested in chilling with you, that means she DOES want to kiss. It was just too early. But if you’ve given her the pretty obvious signal that you’re open to it, she’s MORE likely to make a move herself, if you’ve brought her attraction to unbearable levels.

In fact, if she resists a little but not in a negative way, lean back and enjoy the game. Because she’ll be worried that she just screwed up, and you can dial up the tension using that knowledge.

Dealing with Awkwardness

Of course, sometimes you go for the kiss, get resistance, and everything gets awkward. Or it can simply be an awkward pause in regular conversation. You get stuck.

There’s an easy way out of that. Say something like "You know, I’ve noticed something about you, and I bet it’s something know one else has ever told you – if they’ve even seen it.”

This will pique her curiosity and she’ll bug you to tell her. Don’t. Immediately move on to another subject, and whenever she brings it up, tease her for being so nosy or pushy (remember to stay playful though).

Eventually you can tell her… or you can string her along for another night. You can say you don’t know her well enough yet. You can say you don’t think she can handle it. Have fun here. The main thing is, it gives you a playful topic for the rest of the night, or beyond.

Someday, of course, you should tell her. It doesn’t have to be extremely profound – but that helps. If you don’t have anything real you’ve noticed, you can use blanket statements that are true of most people, but that few talk about. Like "You put on a brave face, but I bet when you let your guard down you are a much sweeter and sometimes lonely person.” This sort of thing works wonders. At this point in your learning, moving to the physical shouldn’t be a problem for you ever again.

If you want to kick your seduction skills up a notch or two, check out my series Nonverbal Sexual Cuing, available in Ebook and Audio CD format. In it you will learn all my body language secrets of nonverbal seduction.


Derek Vitalio

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.