Cultivating your Will and Desire

If you are suffering from lack of confidence in some area of your life you need to read
Derek Vitalio’s article below.

You see, MOST people in the world have a problem like this  whether they are confident on the dance floor but not the boardroom, confident on the sports field but not the dating scene, whatever  almost everyone has this problem.

And that means this problem has been worked on A LOT. And some of the answers are quite simple.

If you lack confidence across the board, then we’ve got a lot of work to do.

But that’s not the problem here, and there are some easy quick exercises which will help train your brain to respond in a confident manner.

So first: you have no problems talking to a woman when she approaches YOU, but have plenty of problems approaching her.

What’s the core issue here?

Sounds to me like fear of rejection and failure. When SHE approaches YOU, there’s little to no chance of that happening, so you’re fine. When YOU approach HER but without agenda, there’s little to no chance of that happening  what sane woman won’t tell you the time?

Actually, with those little approaches you’re tricking your head a little bit  I’m betting you’re still approaching attractive women with it most of the time, and your unconscious is short-circuiting your fear response by telling your conscious mind We just want a light. Then with luck you’re already into a conversation and past that initial fear because once you cross that first approach barrier, you can be the confident social man you usually are.

So you’re already doing what you need to be some of the time  we just need to change that to ALL the time.

Alright, here’s an exercise for you:

Part 1

1. Go into a deeply relaxed, meditative state.
2. Imaginatively enter the state you are in when approaching women and coming up with nerves. Really go into it  picture situations, either real past events or imaginary future ones, and picture them vividly enough that you start to FEEL the feelings you have when you get nervous. If your stomach isn’t fluttering, you need to go deeper.
3. Now, let the situation(s), states, and feelings lift out of your body and transfer into a ball of negative energy. Concentrate on this ball, and fix it in your mind, because you’ll need it later  you might find it helpful to attach a color to this ball.
4. Come back up into a normal waking state.

Part 2

1. Go into a deeply relaxed, meditative state.
2. Imaginatively enter the state you are in when women approach you and you are SUPREMELY confident in yourself. REALLY go into this one picture past successes and future ones, and make sure they are real enough that you again FEEL the feelings you have when you are having success.
3. Now let the situation(s), states, and feelings lift out of your body and transfer into a ball of positive energy. Concentrate on the ball and fix it in your mind if you attached a color to the earlier ball of energy, make sure you choose a different color for this positive one.
4. Come back up into a normal waking state.

Part 3

1. Go into a deeply relaxed, meditative state.
2. Imagine both of the previously visualized states as the two balls of energy resting in front of you.
3. Imagine the two balls of energy merging in such a way that the negative ball is engulfed by the positive one. If your positive ball was red, you should have a red ball twice as big now. Continue to work on this visualization until your unconscious sees the two states as linked, and the positive as the dominant one.
4. Once you have a large, stable, positive ball that engulfs the negative one, bring it over your body and drop it back in  through the top of your head, down your spine, to the tips of your toes and fingers and back again, until it has circulated through every cell of your being.
5. Come back up into a normal waking state.

What’d we just do?

Well, the way you tricked your mind earlier into thinking that you weren’t interested in a woman, thus allowing you to remain confident we’ve tweaked it a little bit now. We’ve convinced your mind that your negative state is PART of your positive state, and that your positive state is the DOMINANT one. So now, the next time you feel those negative feelings, it should TRIGGER the positive ones.

This isn’t a trick  when you’re talking about emotional states, your is all that really matters, after all. But it is a powerful technique for eliminating negative thoughts and encouraging positive ones  which shouldn’t be hard since you’ve already got plenty of the positive ones in place.

And as an added bonus, although it will take a few sessions before this exercise takes root, once you’ve got it started, you’ll need it less and less. Why? Because you’ll be having more success with women when you approach them  and the negative insecure cycle will be broken, replaced by a confident one!

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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