Cliff’s LIst 3/22/2006

Here is the newest Cliff’s list newsletter. These are excellent to read
just to get an idea of how other guys are learning and developing
their game. When I was new to this and just beginning to come into
my own a few years back, I was reading Cliff’s list all the time.

The evolution of my game from the outside back in

Tonight I went out with a local friend who I am mentoring and had a
great time. It’s really interesting to watch him struggle with the
same sort of state issues and various sticking points that used to
plague me. A few thoughts on the evolution of my game:

1) I can say honestly now that I have reached the point where game
is to tally nat ural for me. It flows out of who I am. I don’t have
bad days (though of course there are plenty of times when I don’t
feel like approaching, etc.). I don’t have bad states. I’ve reached
a never before thought possible level of comfort with my
2) I truly am outcome unattached. Things just flow. I don’t need
the girl to like me, don’t need the set to go well, and don’t need
to earn the validation of others.
3) Most of the time I’m not really consciously aware of what I’m
doing. Tonight it was interesting as I broke down what I did for my
friend, it struck me that I really had no conscious awareness of it
as I was doing it.
4) Everything flows out of the inner. All of the outer game things
we do are simply training wheels to develop a feel for what’s
possible. But ultimately, it’s really all about the states of mind
we cultivate within ourselves…like a garden these states need to be
nurtured and cared for and they will blossom into everything we
want our lives to be.

So tonight, we go out.. As soon as I get there, I do a few low key
things to ensure I have social proof without needing to seek it
through high energy, demonstrations, dancing monkey routines, etc.
Vin notices me getting all sorts of eye contact throughout the
night from some of the hot test g i r l s in the venue. But ultimately,
I was on a day 2. A day 2 that was 1.5 years in the making. I had
met this college girl at club on a cold approach in the fall of
2004 and we hadn’t seen each other since but kept in touch. She met
up with me tonight. Instantly I began to get lots of interest from
her hotter friend who I knew she was jealous of so I had to be very
careful about just how subtly I allowed a jealousy plotline to
form. I didn’t need to acknowledge it or play into it, as my girl
was picking up on it as I mostly do these days, I
just allowed it to happen. I notice these days that I seem to be
relating from a space of higher value so I often will get interest
from girls who can sense that…and sometimes have to hold back with
girls who aren’t quite so sexually confident or with a high degree
of self esteem.

Some of the most effective modes of interaction are simply allowing
what she wants to happen to happen, i.e. being out of our own way.
By simply holding a mirror up in front of her, she will experience
all she wants to in terms of feelings, drama, etc. I don’t need to
feed it, invalidate it, or anything more than allow it to happen.
She will create the reality she wants to experience and I will
simply give her the room to do it.

I was f r e e to show a lot of interest in my girl as I had
elicited over time what she needs and interest is one factor. I
would do little things to test where I was…very subtle
disqualifiers to see if she would respond. Through a combination of
qualifying myself (she’s slightly intimidated by me) and qualifying
her, I believe we were able to form a very nice connection that
will lead to a date next week. I was careful not to open other
women or do anything other than show interest in her and reward her
good behaviors in order to maintain trust….so many guys lose girls
because they can’t get past the initial reaction seeking behaviors
that ultimately break her trust. I believe an autonomous
comfortable man has no need to get lost in such behaviors. In fact,
I’m coming to know that we all have everything we need, we mostly
just get in our own way and rather than letting go of the
limitations that block us from power, we try to take on more and
more “stuff” which ultimately creates more limitations.

So, since it was a loud venue, I just had to make sure I was
sparking enough interest for us to continue. Her body language was
very strong, her pupils fully dilated, and her behavior – she kept
coming back to me. Ordinarily I prefer to do a day 2 in a very
quiet one on one setting. And…no conscious game needed…just vibing
and having a good time.

All that I find myself doing these days is very subtle and nearly
invisible so that presents a problem – how to teach… I’m not as
good of a teacher as I used to be. I am left in the unenviable
position of how to get my friend what he needs to excel as I watch
him struggle with what to say and how to manage his state and how
not to let so called failures fester and create frustration. I can
herald the lack of need for routines and so forth for myself but
that doesn’t help a guy who needs the training wheels, needs the
extra push to get him to natural integration.

I feel like I am a bad teacher these days as I can’t teach someone
directly how to develop good inner states of mind, all I can do is
point them in the direction.. so essentially I can’t teach it but
guys can learn from me.

It’s been many moons since I sat and wrote a post analyzing my game
but perhaps tonight was the first time in a long time when I went
out to a loud bar with the triple purpose of teaching a friend,
being on a day 2, and having a great time with other friends.

To those guys who feel like they’re stuck or going backwards, all I
can say is don’t try to take on more stuff…just keep going…you will
reach a point of complete naturalness and complete integration…and
it will feel better than you’ve ever imagined…all the conflict and
misery and frustration will simple fall away and you’ll open up to
new personal power.


Carlos Xuma’s “Alpha Man Immersion” weekend intensive field report

Having recently attended Carlos Xuma’s
“Alpha Man Immersion” weekend intensive in San Francisco two weeks ago, it
honestly took me this long to get around to writing the report
because there was SO much information presented and material
learned that I really needed the time to assimilate. I’m currently
at a point in my game where I’m very good at ramping up att raction
once it has been established, very good at creating relationships
out of connections, very good at giving a woman what makes her
really purr – once the initial contact has been established. But
the initial approach, particularly in noisy/crowded environments
like bars and clubs, has been for most of my dating life out of
reach, placing me in that dreaded position of having to pick from
“those who pick me” rather than picking from what I find att
ractive in the first place.

I made a goal for myself to this year really focus on getting over
this hurdle, and one of the steps towards that goal that I decided
to take was to enroll in some form of “field workshop” with an
expert PUA. I first heard about Carlos through a posting on
cliffslist and the seminar was located in San Francisco (40 minutes
North of me) so I figured, “Why the hell not?” I contacted Carlos,
went through the interview process (he doesn’t let just anyone into
the seminars) and once being approved ordered his “Secrets of the
Alpha-Man” multi-media course, which contains 6 CD’s of audio
materials, interviews and activities as well as a huge 400 page
manual, which I printed out and have been carrying around ever

I think that the thing that strikes me about Carlos’ materials over
those provided by other PUAs is that there is more of a sense of
method and professionalism to what he presents. It is clear that he
reads HUGE amounts of material and then distills it all down and
encapsulates it into efficient and very digestible chunks. Rather
than ramble on and on about this or that in some abstract way,
Carlos might talk for 5-10 minutes on one subject, then jump to
another, and then to another, all of them being insightful and
interesting. He does a lot of this type of work, publishing a
monthly “Coaching” CD as well as weekly podcasts and periodic

What works so well about this approach is that it allows men of all
different skill levels to come in wherever they are in their game
and pick up what they need. So going to the weekend intensive was
kind of like having a firehose of information blown in your face
for 72 hours. I picked up so much data that it took a week or so to
really let it all settle in… and while I have to admit that while
my confidence level was actually a tad lower going out than coming
in (got my ass kicked a couple of times out in the field) it is now
much higher than were I started and I’m now suddenly juggling 3
women in my life that were not there (at least in the same way) a
couple of weeks ago. Not to mention the other new contacts that I
made on the weekend itself. When it rains it pours.

The weekend consisted of 2 main activities: day long presentations
of the copious material that Carlos had prepared for us (with
working lunches and lots of breaks) and sarging expeditions in the
evenings that ran till 1:00 AM or so. There were 12 of us in the
workshop, from all over the country, with varying levels of
experience ranging from those who were just starting to work with
approach to one who goes out 6 nights a week (he takes off
Saturdays because he says that’s “date night” and women in the
clubs are either with a date or pissed that they’re not with the
date they wanted and therefore not worth the trouble).

One of the things that struck me about the overall presentation of
the workshop is that no matter where we were, the location was
beautiful and sophisticated. We started in a private “Penthouse
room” at a club called “Swig” where we could all have a drink and
get familiar with each other before moving out into the scene,
looking down on it as well. Carlos had two others working with him
in the workshop and in the field which was very cool because each
of the three had very different energy and brought something
different to the experience. Carlos was the “host”, the party maker
– kind of like a Hugh Hefner character but without all the
pretentiousness. Travis, his wing, had a very different energy.
Laid back and cool but with a tinge of mischievousness, a nice
contrast. And then there was CJ Chandler, a pivot, who was street
smart and savvy but with a very friendly and open energy. She was
like the very cool big sister that you never had who knew
everything about att racting women and wanted to teach you all the
I’m not going to go into long blow by blow descriptions of
everything that we did in the field, it would take too much space
(and yes it was awesome, yes I got my first numbers ever in the
field and yes I got my ass kicked a few times and Carlos was right
there to pick things up for me and get me back out there trying
again). But what I will cover briefly is the “new” concepts that I
took away from the seminar which I’d never been exposed to prior.
My own nuggets of “gold” as it were. These are all concepts that I
didn’t really know or understand before the seminar which I now see
as KEY:

1) Opening a set, to “open”, they were “open” – My first set right
out of the box was perhaps my most successful (which kinda sucks
because it was hard to match the exuberance of that initial peak
experience). It consisted of a set of very open, physically
affectionate and playful women (5 or 6) sitting by a fireplace. The
set had already been “opened” by Travis before I arrived and he
invited me in. Standing behind the group I took off my long coat
and proceeded to sit directly in the middle of them in front of the
fireplace making jokes about stealing their fire. As I sat down
they immediately started petting me! One with her hand stroking my
back, another stroking my head scarf (my head is shaved), and
another with pressing her leg up against mine. I zeroed in on a
juicy blonde and was petting and talking to her about my art and
totally had command of the entire group the instant I sat down. It
was amazing.

Remember that that portion of the game is the part that I’m good at
once att raction has been established. So it was a total kick to
just be dropped into the situation and be rocking the way I was. I
conversed a bit, got a couple of numbers and moved on to the next
set. But the next day I was thinking on it and it almost seemed TOO
easy. And I suspected that the group was a plant just to get my
confidence up. I checked with Travis on it and he explained the
concept of “opening a set” to me. That by the time I got there,
the set, and the women, were already open, friendly and interested.
In this case my wing (or pivot) went in ahead of time and did the
hard part for me. The rest was easy – very cool. And I know they
weren’t plants because I’m still in touch with some of the members
of that set at this point.

2) Another concept that I got to play with, that kind of leverages
off the previous one of “opening” is wingmen and pivots. Over the
course of the weekend I got the chance to work with several wings,
including Travis and Carlos as well as 3 or 4 men in the group and
it was amazing to notice the dynamics that show up when working
that way. As with opening sets, (as opposed to singles) having
another person there on your side to work with really makes things
easier, less charged and more fun. And when your “Wing” is a woman
(a Pivot) I like that even more and we had CJ working pivot at the
worrkshop with us as well.

There was one case where I went in with my wing and we were hitting
two very cute girls who were snuggled up on the couch. I opened the
set with my “Shy100” spiel (which is really designed to work solo)
but it totally fell naturally into a great interaction with me
talking to my target and my wing talking to the other. But the
amazing thing was that after 5 or 10 minutes of chatting when their
HUSBANDS showed up I looked over to my wing not sure what the
“protocol was” and he was like “Hey man, nice to meet you. How’s it
going?” And I just followed his lead as if talking to these men’s
wives was the most normal thing in the world and while my Wing
talked up the dudes I talked up the chicks. Very interesting. My
wing and I just totally held our power and Alpha status without the
slightest trace of defensiveness and the entire group went along
with it. And after another 10 minutes or so when we ejected, Carlos
was there to tell us all the things we did right and how the girls
body language really showed att raction and connection with us.
Again, very cool.

3) The last thing that I came into that was really profound was the
concept of “Proxemics” or the science of the placement of bodies
(people) in relation to each other (rather than Kino or body
language which is all I’ve ever focused on before). The most
interesting experience I had with this was on the last night at the
last club where there was this ADORABLE California blonde that had
been holding court at the bar all night long. I’d wanted to
approach her but every time I looked there were one, two or three
tall good-looking studs talking her up. I was trying to figure out
if she was “with” any of them but never could… and felt intimidated
at trying. Well, at the end of the evening I was tired, ready to
leave and on my way out and I figured… “f-word it, NOW. Nothing to
loose and I won’t have to hang around for the aftermath.”

So while she was talking to these two hunks I slid in behind her,
leaned my arm on the bar behind her almost as if she were my date
and I had my arm around her shoulders and did the “Shy100” into her
ear over her shoulder. The most amazing thing happened. As soon as
I started talking to her (displaying very confident body language
and proximity, something that comes easy to me), she turned her
attention to me and the other men just pulled their tails between
their legs and slunk off. It was amazing! 5 seconds into the
approach and I’d cleared the floor. I’d heard that could happen but
never experienced it. Well, the interaction with her was very
sweet, fun and amazing to watch as the body language escalated
between us, it was almost like a dance the way her body moved
against mine as I teased and played with her, her back arching
almost like a cat begging to be stroked. All without touching (but
in VERY close proximity, inches). It was amazing. Could have gotten
her number had I gone in looking for it in the first place, but I
did get a hug and a kiss from her which was plenty for me at the
time. It was enough to see what I can do when I really hold my
Alpha Power as Carlos had been coaching us all weekend to do.

So all in all, it was an awesome weekend. Not easy, and not always
fun, but an amazing growth experience. I’m looking forward to
working with this group again as well as following up on all the
connections I made during the weekend, both inside and outside the


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Simple Trick Tells You if a Girl Wants You to Kiss Her

Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?

Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.

Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.