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Zan’s Waitress Technique

How to Pickup a Waitress

Here is Zan’s Waitress Takedown Technique (patent pending):

WaitressNote: This style might not work for you, but it certainly does for me. In fact, I do a variation of this technique no matter who I am with. In other words, if I am having coffee at a restaurant with some hottie I just met, I do this waitress technique anyway. Very powerful – puts them both into competition mode whether they are interested in you or not.

First of all, usually when a group of guys are confronted with a new and devastatingly pretty waitress, they stare at her ass when she walks by, then they comment among themselves about her, etc. But then when she comes up to their table, they become downright courteous and nice and try to act like they are not interested in her. So they casually order their drinks without really looking directly at her. And then they revert back to lech mode and rabidly stare at her ass again as she walks away. Instead, I go very c/f immediately.

When I see her coming towards our table out of the corner of my eye, I immediately engage a buddy across the table in seemingly deep conversation – doesn’t matter what. The goal is to look preoccupied and pretend you don’t notice her. As well, my body is facing well into the table away from her. So she comes up and asks us what we would like to drink. I still ignore her for a few seconds or so. Then I glance in her direction, and pretend that I am just now seeing her for the first time. In other words, I hadn’t noticed her until this very moment. Then immediately I show great interest in her – like a new discovery. A quick glance at her body, just enough for her to notice, then I turn my entire body in my chair around to face her. And a big smile and wink:

Her: What can I get for you?
Zan: (ignoring the question) Hello, I haven’t seen you around before. What’s your name?
Her: My name is Stephanie. What’s yours?
Zan: I’m Zan. And I will have a gin and tonic. (big smile)

So far you’ve broken the ice a bit and by exchanging names, she now has given you the implicit right to be “more familiar” with her. So the next time she comes around, again I smile and wink:

Zan: You again? Wow, you sure like to hang around us, don’t you?
Her: (laughs) (some stuff)
Zan: (some other stuff)
Her: (some other stuff)
Zan: (as she is leaving) I bet you’ll come back again real soon.
Zan: I can see it in your eyes.
Her: (smiling) Yeah, I can’t resist.

Now I have established a c/f theme (her wanting to hang around us and that is why she keeps coming back to our table). Of course, she has to come back to your table. She’s the waitress! And when she does, I smile at her and give the other guys a knowing look in front of her. “See, I was right,” etc. Carry on like that for a bit. All along, strive to make your interaction with her come off like you have known her for a long time. Not like you just met her. This establishes a level of familiarity with her that usually takes several meetings to build. She is now comfortable with you being cocky and funny with her. And she is now comfortable enough with you to throw out some witty comebacks. This is good, because you have circumvented the usual waitress / patron “professionalism” and polite interactions.

Hope this makes sense. I have it internalized, so it is very difficult to describe it. So now, after a while, I will say something like:

Her: Can I get you another drink?
Zan: (smile, wink) You know what? You’re kinda cute. I think I’m going to call you…
Her: You think so, huh? You don’t have my number.
Zan: Why, you’re right! Ok, tell me and I will write it down.
Her: (smiling) Not a good idea. I have a boyfriend.
Zan: (pretending to write) Whoa, slow down. I didn’t quite catch your number there. You better repeat it for me… let’s see… 555…
Her: (laughs and rolls her eyes)

The absurdity of this exchange is that there is no way she is going to give you her phone number in front of a bunch of your friends. No girl would. But her digits are not the goal just yet. The goal is to establish an open dialog with her that sets a cocky / funny frame. And to act like I am just kidding. I don’t really care about her number. So far, I have done two things here. I have escalated her comfort level with me to that of an established friend. Her and I now have a rapport, in a manner of speaking.

The next time I see her, I can walk up to her, put my arm around her and continue with my usual “You would make a good girlfriend for me” talk. And I did everything in a “just kidding” manner. Did I really want her number? Or was I was just fooling around? Was I hitting on her or not? She has no idea. So the next night we go there again:

Her: (laughing) Oh no! Not you again!
Zan: Stephanie, my sweet! Hey listen, sorry I didn’t return your call last night You know how it is. I’m just a busy guy.
Her: (playing along) Yeah, I’m really mad about that.

This gets the whole table laughing, including her. And it’s back on again for the evening. Later:

Zan: You know what, Stephanie. You’re a terrible girlfriend.
Zan: In fact, I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.. That’s it. We’re through.
Zan: (pointing to another waitress) She’s going to be my new girlfriend.
Zan: (playing with my phone) You are now downgraded from Booty Call #1 to Booty Call #10
Her: (laughing) No please, I’ll do anything to make it up to you.

And later still:

Zan: (motioning for her to come over and pointing at my knee) Stephanie, come and sit down. I’ll tell you a bedtime story. (smile, wink)

Haha, I have used that last line for years. It is gold. Some of this might be very obvious to some of you guys (badboy, Kooper, etc). But I am being very detailed in my description of what I do because I think some guys don’t really know how to utilize cocky / funny frames. And some of you guys are probably thinking, “Ok, now what? How do you transition from being a funny, ball busting guy to the more serious, romantic, sexual state?” Simple actually. At some point, I just talk to her quietly alone. Remember to turn on the bedroom eyes:

Zan: (No longer c/f) Stephanie, do you want me to call you?
Her: You know I have a boyfriend.
Zan: That’s not what I asked. Do you want me to call you?
Her: Tempting, but I can’t…
Zan: Sneak away with me, girl. I’ll take you higher up the slopes of Parnassus than you have ever been. etc…

Ok, everything you just read actually happened last Thursday and Friday evening with me and a waitress named Stephanie. Easily the hottest thing around in a long time. The jury is still out on this one. But she has no illusions about my intentions. My friends she looks upon as nice guys. Not me. She knows that any interaction with me is going to be passionate from the start. And now she can choose to accept it or reject it. The truth is, she may very well reject my overtures. But it doesn’t matter. She won’t soon forget me. And you can bet that all the other waitresses know all about the things I said to her. Very good. Especially since I have said almost the exact same things in the exact same way to all the other waitresses there (including the ugly ones). And I will continue to do so – right in front of Stephanie. The net effect is social proof. When you go in, you own the place. You wave the waitresses over, point at your cheek, and say “Hey, girl, where’s my sugar?” No one is intimidated because you treat them all the same way. In this one pub, there are 4 waitresses that have come home with me, 3 ugly waitresses who want to come home with me, and several more who are works in progress (including Stephanie). And you can bet they all know about each other. But again, that is very good. Your mileage may vary, but for what it’s worth…

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About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me


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