The Right State and The Wrong State
Here is another Derek Vitalio article. This one is about the game in general and it makes a lot of sense. If you are too focuses on becoming a player, this is definately an article that you shoudl read. Leave me some comments letting me know what you think.
The right Mental Attitude for dealing with women
Most men have the wrong attitude when it comes to women they think of games and pursuits. The thing is, while this might help you approach a woman, it puts her in the WRONG state. She’ll want to run instead of come closer. So learn to enjoy yourself regardless of how hot the body near you is, and you’ll go much farther.
You’ve learned all the techniques. You’ve got skillz. You’ve even started giving advice to others, the less fortunate, and they think you’re a guru, considering the ideas in your head (which you probably got out of mine, but that’s ok, I won’t sue).
So why isn’t it working?
Chances are you’re in the wrong state.
The Wrong State
Lots of guys like to think of the attraction game as one in which you play the hunter, finding prey, analyzing your shot, and taking it.
Oh god no.
Good for Gumption, but
Listen, this isn’t a bad mindset for someone just starting out someone who doesn’t yet have the confidence to talk in a normal fashion to women. It’s a great way to psych yourself up for an encounter, and imagine yourself in a position of power so you can go forward confidently.
And if you get cold sweats just at the sight of a beautiful woman, then this isn’t a bad way to go about things.
BUT, you DON’T want to get stuck in this way of thinking. It helps you approach, but it actually HURTS you in almost every other area of attraction.
Let’s talk about this.
War? What is it good for?
You DON’T want a battle mode, an us vs. them mentality that has you playing out war games in your head.
Why? Because no matter how careful you are, that attitude is going to translate. She may not know what it is, but she’ll know something isn’t quite right when she’s talking to you.
She may feel objectified, or on the defensive. You create a pursuit, and guess what her role in the pursuit is? That’s right to run away. If you’re coming at her and ESPECIALLY if you come at her head on she’s going to flee.
At best, she’ll sense an ulterior motive and be wary. At worst she’ll just get the hell away from you.
Don’t Like Me!
You also don’t want her to like you. You heard me right. You’re just thinking about it wrong.
It’s fine if she enjoys you and your company. We want that. But you can’t WANT her to like you.
Once you’ve got that thought in your head, you’re going to start down a very bad path. You’re going to start being scared she WON’T like you, and changing the way you behave accordingly. You’ll be scared of offending her, and in the end you’ll turn into a bland inoffensive boring nice guy. If she’s got any brains, she’ll probably think you’re being fake just to get in her pants.
You turn into a kiss-ass.
It’s fine if she likes you but it’s also fine if she doesn’t, and you CAN’T change your behavior to try and gain her approval. She’s going to sense this on one level or another, and it backfire.
Bridge never won Hearts.
By the same token, you can’t simply play games. It come through. An astute woman is going to see you put on your game face your a stud mask and question why you need it.
She’ll know you only want in her pants and that is very rarely a thought you want a woman to have. If she feels you reduce her to a hot bod, guess what she’s going to do?
She’ll do the same to you. Suddenly you’ve taken away your best assets your charm, your humor, your mind. And unless you’ve got a model’s body, you’re probably getting rejected at least rebuffed physically, even if she DOES enjoy your company.
That, my buds, is the Friend Trap, and it’s the reason most men walk around mystified that so many women seem to like them, but will never let themselves be touched.
If you treat a woman like meat, then you become the same.
I’m not saying that game playing never works it can if you have the perfect body, or if you’re SO good that she doesn’t realize you’re playing.
But very few men are at that level if you were you probably wouldn’t be reading this and what’s more, it will rarely take you farther than one night stands, even when played PERFECTLY.
That can be fun occasionally, but most of us wouldn’t be satisfied with ONLY that.
Don’t Use the Laser
You also can’t focus on ONLY the women you want to sleep with. All the girls will see it, and no matter how cool you act, it be obvious what you’re after.
So what is the RIGHT frame of mind then?
What to do RIGHT
You want to be RELAXED and HAVING FUN.
If you’re passionately pursuing every piece of ass, you’re saying you need some you’re desperate.
If you’re just enjoying yourself, it says you’re relaxed in your own skin and a comfortable social creature.
When you only talk to hot women, everyone knows what you want. When you’re friendly to EVERYBODY grannies, bouncers, frat boys it says, surprisingly, that you’re a FRIENDLY guy.
Now when you talk to a woman in a playful and fun manner, it doesn’t mean you’re after sex, it says you’re ENJOYING YOURSELF.
Enjoy yourself and float
You don’t cling, you glide between groups and people. Everyone gets equal attention which usually causes the hot girls to want MORE attention, because that’s what they’re used to. It gets them thinking about you and approaching YOU, instead of the other way around.
It let’s them believe that it’s THEIR idea to talk to and engage YOU which eliminates all the negativity of the chase.
It lets you showcase your winning PERSONALITY without forcing it on anyone, which is exactly what you want.
By being playful you’ll be a fun person to be with and it usually eliminates the kiss-ass turn off, since your playfulness will often come out in good-natured teasing. You don’t kiss ass, you make people laugh.
BE the Man
This also establishes GREAT social status and standing, as EVERYONE is going to enjoy being around you. By paying attention to everyone and having fun with everyone, you’re going to wind up with circles around you. And that’s going to attract attention.
Even if you aren’t talking to a hot girl at this time, you’ll be noticed by one. You’ll be making great contacts and who knows where that might lead. Befriend a bouncer, you can skip the lines in clubs, and MAN does that scream status. Befriend a chef, hell come over to the table and make you special meals.
You see how this works?
RELAX, ENJOY YOURSELF, and DON’T WORRY about the women. If you’re having fun and others have fun being with you, the ladies will come. You’ll become a flame they have to fly towards.
Much better than a wolf they have to run from.
It took me quite a few years to piece together everything I know about women and I’ve put it all together in my Seduction Science System.
Of course, you can also piece it all together for yourself¦ if you don’t mind putting in thousands of hours in doing so!
Then again, you didn’t take auto shop class for 5 years just so that you could put together your own car from scratch out of raw scrap metal.
Nor should you do the same when it comes to your sex life.
Besides, you’ll get more great advice right away just like you did in this Report only 100 of pages more of it.
Check it out.
Until Next Time,
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.