Learning From Feedback From Woman
Here is a new Derek Vitalio article I think is useful for all the guys emailing me wondering if they fucked it up for good with a girl. I say don’t get all bent out of shape even if you did, there are many many more out there. Anyway, read the article below and keep good spirits. You are young and single. Life is good!!!!!!!
Â Learning from Feedback on Moving On with Women
I’ve got to be honest. When you start out, your ego is going to take a beating. In fact, whenever your ego is around, it’s going to take a beating. The key to getting anywhere with women and really with anything is to let go of that ego and just NOT CARE about the destination, but the journey. This journey isn’t easy, but trust me, it’s worth it.
Received wisdom – wrong
You know how Winston Churchill once said I’d rather keep my mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt?
Here’s another one to remember: most people are so scared of looking foolish that they stay silent and, thus, remain foolish.
I don’t know about you, but when I was first starting to explore dating strategies, I was always shy about trying things. I felt like I was an amateur in a world of pros, I was going to make all these errors and look stupid.
You know the feeling, it’s the same one you have when you start, well, anything. Everyone else seems to know more than you, and you’re scared you’re going to do something obviously dumb and embarrass yourself.
Right but Wrong
You know what? Those fears are well-founded. When you don’t know what you’re doing, odds are good that you WILL do something, well, dumb.
You know what else? Those fears are the stupidest most short-sighted baggage you can carry around. Because if you let those scary possibilities stop you from trying things out, one of two things will happen.
One, you never improve, so you stay stuck at this beginner’s level and whenever you DO try and venture into foreign or advanced territory, you freeze with the fear.
Two, you’re so scared that you never even try. Your efforts drop to nil, and you never find out what you can do. You never do anything, period.
Once I’d played out these results in my head, I realized, you CAN’T be scared.
It does nothing for you. All it does is sabotage your chances of ever getting anywhere.
That’s why I decided: I’m going to BE the fool. I’m going to make the mistakes. I’m going to embarrass myself numerous times.
Because you’ve GOT to fail. Before you can succeed.
Listen closely, because this is the REAL thing. This is the tough stuff. NONE of the techniques you’re learning are going to mean a THING unless you go out there and practice it.
And while practice does eventually make perfect, you ain’t gonna start that way.
No, your shit is gonna get BURNED. A lot. Even once you’re damn good it’ll happen. Sorry. That’s just the way it is.
Now most people, when they get negative feedback like that, they give up. It’s understandable, sure. No one likes to look the fool, and you can guarantee you won’t if you just don’t do anything.
But you’re never getting better that way.
The REAL test, the ONLY way to get good with women, is to be comfortable being bad. Being really bad.
Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talkin bout.
The Ego Conundrum
The problem is we all have these egos, and these little creatures like to be right. Or if not right, at least well-viewed.
And when we actively choose to do something where we AREN’T going to be right, and AREN’T going to be well-viewed, that ego fights us.
It fights us hard.
By now you can tell that the ego gets in the way of progress for beginners. Sometimes we can learn anyway, because when we start we expect to be bad.
But when it comes to women, pretty much no one over the age of 12 wants to admit they’re at anything less than the pro level.
Your ego is going to kick up a shitstorm.
The only thing to do is kick that ego out the door.
You need to just. not. care.
It’s easy enough to say, and to tell yourself No prob, I can do that.
But once you have your first truly bad reaction from a woman the kind of thing that makes you want to crawl into yourself and double up to a vanishing point it won’t seem so simple.
And the first time some dude who wants to pump his own rep rips you, it’ll be tough then too.
Tough to just observe, learn, not simply spout stuff you’ve read but never experienced.
ESPECIALLY tough to fail with one girl, and then not only move on to the next one, but to move on with a positive vibe.
Yeah, tha’s the other thing, you can’t force this.
The Act and The Real and the blurring
Well, you can to start. In fact, it’s about the only way to start. Now a lot of the time people recognize that they’re forcing it, and they know they can’t do it that way, so they eventually stop.
There’s the real trick to push through, to get past forcing it to the point where you really honestly DON’T care.
Your ego isn’t going to go quietly. It’s got to get the shit kicked out of it, just get pummeled until it can’t stand up anymore and then, when it sees you’re STILL going to go ahead and do it anyway, one day your ego just doesn’t get up anymore.
It says screw it, I’m outta here.
And when you get THERE, you’re ready to REALLY learn.
You are free to observe without worrying about how you look (that simple thought and ones just like it take up a surprising amount of mental energy). You’re free to notice whats going well, what isn’t, what others do that works, and what just plain sucks.
Yep, the hardest thing is going to be getting rid of that ego.
Then you’ll be ready to REALLY go to work.
And, as it just so happens, losing that ego is the best way to REALLY look good.
You know, like you’re not TRYING to be something, you just are. That’s ALWAYS an attractive quality.
Go out and screw everything up
So now I’m going Fight Club on your ass get out there and, no, don’t lose a fight, but lose a girl.
Fail with a prospect. Go out and embarrass yourself. Go home empty-handed. Sure, TRY to do the right thing, but don’t TRY to bring anyone home. Don’t even worry about getting a number not even a smile.
Just go out and see what works, and what doesn’t and attach none of it to you yourself. Just a science experiment. Enjoy the freedom.
If you’re reading this right now and you are wondering how you
can take your seduction skills with women to the next level RIGHT NOW, then I’d recommend that you start out with my Seduction Science System. In just a few days of reading, you can learn to apply the basics that have taken me literally YEARS to figure out and put together in one place.
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Until Next Time,
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.