How Kissing a Woman Can Ruin Your Chances
Below is another great article I recieved from Mystery. As all of you know I am a huge fan of everything that Mystery puts out. His book Magic Bullets is on the top of my list of must own books. The article below is about kissing. I think it is something that every guy should read.
Before you kiss a girl read this:
Kissing is a big deal. It`s usually the thing that happens between you and a woman that is totally unambiguous. You can`t go backwards from kissing. It1s the bright red dividing line between friends and romance.
There are MANY implications of this.
1. Kissing makes it undeniable to each other that your relationship is more than friendship.
You can meet a woman at a lounge, have her on your lap, take her home with you, tell each other how much you like each other while you are cuddling on the couch, but until you kiss her (or touch her sexually), everything can be taken back. You or her can say you were just flirting. If she has a boyfriend, she has`nt really crossed the path into cheating on him yet. And so on.
Even if you both are 99.999999% certain that your relationship with each other is progressing into romance or sex, kissing removes all uncertainty.
2. Because kissing removes sexual ambiguity, it releases sexual tension. Without good timing and good follow-up, kissing can kill your chances with a woman.
This is counterintuitive, isn`t it? Kissing should always be a good thing. But its not. Let`s take a quick detour through how sexual escalation works for men and women.
Many variables affect sexual attraction. Your mood, your upbringing, and your hormones are all important factors in determining whether and how much you are sexually attracted to someone. Two other factors, which we will focus on here, are 1) visual/touching and 2) anticipation/tension
Visual/touching is important because it explains why, if a supermodel appeared in bed with me and started kissing my neck, I would probably sleep with her, but if my unattractive neighbor showed up instead, I would not. Its a yes/no decision for most men. Visual/touching is an important factor for women also, but, in general, not as important as it is for men.
Anticipation/tension is important because it reflects the thrill of the chase. Although I would be happy to have sex with the supermodel as soon as she appeared in my bed, if she instead appeared naked in my living room, flirted with me, and let my mind spend hours imagining having sex with her, until I nearly went crazy, I would want her even more by the time I finally won her over. This buildup of anticipation and sexual tension can be important for men, but is CRUCIAL for women.
One expert in this field has compared male attraction to an on/off switch and female attraction to a volume knob. I think this is a good analogy.
Back to kissing. Since kissing is usually the first unambiguous physical escalation, once you and a woman start flirting and connecting, she starts anticipating it. Imagining what it will be like to kiss you. Wondering if you are a good kisser. And so on. That tension and ambiguity is fun and exciting for her. It keeps her interested. Once you kiss her, that ambiguity and tension are gone.
Have you ever known someone for a while, and there was unspoken attraction between you two then when you finally had sex with her, instead of feeling like this was the beginning of sexual relationship, it felt like you both got that out of your system and could go back to being friends? Thats because the anticipation and tension are gone. This can happen, especially for women, with kissing.
3. To avoid the letdown in sexual tension, make sure that 1) the kiss is a good one, and 2) you immediately re-establish the tension
How to be a good kisser is outside the scope of this particular OAP. We`re working on a Mystery Method book on sex for sometime this fall, which will definitely include kissing, and I might try to cover it in another OAP if there is enough interest. In the meantime, there is some decent stuff on kissing in the Forum (www.mysterymethod.com/forum) or by searching the internet.
So let`s return to the task at hand: reestablishing tension. After a kiss, you can either create tension for more kissing, or more escalation. Generally, if you are in public or somewhere where you could not realistically have sex, create anticipation for more kissing. If you`re somewhere you could have sex, create tension for that.
To create more tension for kissing, the following elements will help:
* End the kiss first (but not too early)
* Playfully call her a bad girl, and tell her that`s all she gets for now.
* Create physical tension. Touch her face. Bring your lips close to hers while you are talking, but don’t let her kiss you. Whisper in her ear. You get the idea.
To create tension for sexual escalation, some of these tips will be useful:
* Make the kissing session long. Unless you sense that she is already ready, kissing her for one minute and then feeling her up could be perceived as too fast and you will create LMR. (last minute resistance check out OAP 6.) Make out with her for 15+ minutes, and her body will start anticipating the next step, especially if while you`re kissing you…
* …tease her physically. Run your hand up her leg, but pull it away before you get too high . Make sure YOU pull your hand away before she does, and make sure you are teasing her and not merely respecting her boundaries.
* Kiss, but do more than kiss, so she anticipates the next step. Run your hands through her hair (or pull it if you know how). Kiss her neck. Etc.
4. Don`t confuse the explicit with the implicit
Just because kissing is the first unambiguous test of whether you and her are sexually interested in each other does NOT mean that kissing should be used as a test or a confirmation of her attraction to you.
Have you ever been on a date with a woman and leaned in for that first kiss at the end of the night when she`s saying goodbye on her doorstep?
This is a phenomenally weak move.
It says to a woman, I am interested in you; now I want to re-assure myself that you are interested in me.A confident man is used to women being interested in him, and kisses on his own schedule, not according to what he sees men do on TV. If it doesn`t fit into your seduction plan to kiss her then and there, then don`t.
Never kiss a woman to find out if she`s interested in you sexually. Use your social experience (improved by practicing the Mystery Method) to develop a natural intuition of when someone is interested in you. Women come by this more naturally and easily pick up on signals you give off, whether explicit (Why would he get dressed up and take me to dinner if he didn`t want something) or implicit. (body language, etc.).
This, incidentally, is why women will often cut interactions short or feel awkward around some men. Imagine a man approaching a woman at a caf. He is polite and friendly and asks questions about her. She feels awkward because she’s been down this path a thousand times already in her life, and she knows he is eventually going to want something sexual from her. Because she doesn`t (yet) feel attracted in this case, she says she`s busy, and then sits down to talk on her phone. She`s clearly not busy. He leaves thinking that she`s stuck up or not worth getting to know anyway. In reality, he revealed his interest too soon.
Stepping back, this provides some insight into the M3 model. This is why we OPEN (A1) with something neutral like Did you see the fight outside? instead of .You`re pretty. It`s still neutral. Then in ATTRACT (A2), we may neg her or tease her, which counteracts her natural intuition. Normally she`d be thinking .He came up to me to talk to me. It`s five minutes later, and he`s still here. He must be attracted to me,but the negs and teasing counteract this. We`re building up anticipation/tension. See how it all connects?
So, we don`t ever give signs that we are interested in a woman until she has done so first. And we don`t need kissing for this.
One of the things we spend a lot of time on at Mystery Method bootcamps are little tests that you can do that tell you how much a woman is attracted to you, without blowing your cover or communicating your interest. Some of these are based on conversation (if you say X and she responds with Y, she is interested in you. If she responds with Z, she is not) while others usually the better ones are based on touching and physical movements. There are dozens of these little tests, and they are crucial to know. Even something as simple as asking a woman to put her hands out is a test. If she puts them out palms up, that`s a good sign. Palms down is a bad sign. Most of these need to be demonstrated live to be truly understood, but we go over some examples in the Video Archive Encyclopedia and the Venusian Arts Handbook.
With this in mind, let`s return to kissing. Kissing is, in a way, a test that asks her. Are you interested in me? It does this without subtlety and without giving her a way out later (contrast this to sitting on your lap, talking to you, where she can still have way out by saying that she was just flirting, or being friendly, or whatever. Everything is explicit with a kiss. After you kiss, you can talk about how attracted you are to each other. (Not that we`re recommending it. It`s not usually a good idea. But after kissing you CAN, whereas before that conversation could be strange.)
This is because kissing is what we call a break. Like leaving a coffee shop or club with someone, like going alone to a man`s house, like taking off her pants. It`s one of those things that almost always happens on the way to sex, so it forces a woman to engage the logical, instead of emotional, side of her mind and think to herself .Do I want to have sex with him? Usually, if a woman asks herself this, the answer will be no. Women are biologically and socially conditioned to think this way, and we`re not going to change it. Since kissing is a break, the second you kiss a woman, her logical mind jerks into gear, demanding she acknowledge your mutual attraction and forcing her to make a choice, hence the term break.
As such, we always ensure breaks flow naturally and fluidly from the rest of the interaction. They are not presented to her as a big decision, but rather something that just happens while her positive emotions build. For example, you`ll have better luck removing a woman`s pants if you`ve turned her on, and you`ll have better luck kissing a woman if it progresses naturally from your faces moving slowly closer together your eyes locked on each other your voices slowing down etc.
If you want to read more of Mystery’s stuff do yourself a huge favor and shell out the
$68 on Magic Bullets. The book will change your life. Trust me!
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2008/02/05/when-she-wont-kiss-you/
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About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me