Putting Girls on Pedestals

I found this article on The Player’s site and could relate to it well and thought it was worth reposting here.

Pedestaling women

In this article I would like to bring up a problem that many players encounter in their early days of the game, a problem that can either be devastating to your game and life for a while, or just a minor setback. Many people learn this the hard way, but you can prevent it if you pay attention for the next few minutes.

Pedestaling” Is the term I use for when you put a girl on a pedestal in your mind, and start to think she is absolutley perfect. When you start to have feelings for her and get nervous around her, and hope she is attracted to you, because you are dependant on her. The consequences of this situation can be devastating, so I am going to help you become aware of the symptoms, how it gradually develops, and then how to become aware of it and prevent the situation from happening ever again.

Putting a girl on a pedestal in your mind usually happens when you first meet her, and get alot of positive signs and flirting from her. You met a girl at school or maybe in a club, the place doesn’t matter. You approached her and all went well, you got some positive signs and closed with her number, maybe you even set up a date with her. You come home that night and absolutley cannot stop thinking about her, and thinking about all the things she did, ging over her actions in your mind trying to decide whether she likes you or not. She may not have been perfect, I guarantee flaws in one way or another, but nevertheless when you think about her you begin to imagine perfection. After thinking about her some more, you start to feel nervous when you think about her. You want to call her and talk to her so you can be reassured that she is still attracted to you. Soon you become dependent on her and really start to obsess over her. These actions cause you to be nervous around her, and start being nice and giving in to her demands. You forget all your skills you learned and can hardly think when you are around her. The guy with rock solid game and confidence tht she met a week back at the club has returned to his former AFC self, without realizing he did it. Realizing that her attraction to you has disappeared, she finds a new guy who fits her desires. When you realize she is not attracted to you, you snap and become angry at her, and she leaves you forever to be with the guy who outgamed you. Now you cannot stop thinking about her and how perfect she was, and that you cannot ever have her back, and it was all your fault. Not all cases of pedestaling are that severe, but it can be that severe, and leave you depressed and frustrated for months. Almost a year ago, that was how I experienced it, and it wasnt pretty, but it motivated me to become much better with women.

So now that we know how pedestaling happens, lets look at what caused this to happen and how we can prevent before it ever starts. The first mistake came the night you met her. When you go out to meet girls, try to have at least a few other options on stand by at the time, and conecntrate on each of them at the same time. If you are just starting out and don’t have a bunch of girls, make sure you hit on multiple girls the night you go out to pick them up, instead of being satisfied with one. If you go for multiple girls in the same night and they see it, it will also make them jealous and their attraction for you will increase. This will keep you from concentrating all your game on one girl, and developing “one-itis”, where she is the only girl you pay attention to when you just met her and the attraction isn’t shared. When you are in the beggining stages of developing connections with girls, try to be dating or trying to gain the attraction of multiple girls at the same time and have many options. If you are trying to start a relationship with the girl keep options open until the deal is sealed and you two are exclusive. When you meet the girl at the club, just get to know her a little bit and then close it with her number, don’t linger for too long. Go and meet multiple girls that night so you have more than one girl on your mind when you go home, or better yet have something besides girls on your mind.

The next mistake made was thinking the girl was perfect. No matter how hot she was, (and she should have been hot, you don’t have to settle for someone that you aren’t attracted in some way to) she has flaws, she is not perfect, your mind just made her out to be perfect. Notice the flaws in her appearance, personality, anything you can see, there is always something, you just have to open your eyes to see it. If you have trouble finding any (I have seen girls with no major physical flaws), then just look at her as if you are superior, as if you are the prize, and she has to impress you and work for your affection, and that you arent playing games or waiting around, and that you are the master of the game’s women play, and she has no chance of messing with you, and that choosing another guy over you would be the wrong choice.

The next mistake was being dependant on her, and caring what she thinks. Why would a girl like you the night you guys met, and then gradually lose her attraction for you as you guys started dating, while yours for her only increased? The answer to that question would be that you were a different person when you first met her. When you first met her you were layed back and confident, and didn’t really give a f**k, then as time progressed you became a chump all over again. Even after you have met the girl date other girls and have alot of options, because you never know whether she will be attracted to you or not, and keep alot of girls in reserve, so you don’t become dependant, because you never know what will happen. Hell, even if you are in an exclusive relationship and do not want to cheat, still make sure you always have girls in reserve, and are always meeting new ones, because life is unpredictable. Dont constantly think about her, try to have other things on your mind and go out and do things to get your mind off of women in general. Let her call you and talk to you, let her know you are independent and don’t need her.

If you find out she isn’t attracted to you, don’t go off on her, just brush it off and act like nothing happened and you don’t need her, and also don’t settle for any of that “We can still be friends” bullcrap they give you, cause that won’t work out, just remove them from your life, because if no attraction is there, you shouldn’t eb sticking around with her. You should be fine if it doesn’t work out because you have tons of girls that would die to have you, right? You are the man, and any girl would be lucky to be able to enjoy your company, so go out and play the field, and get your mind off her. If you do those things, then she will be out of your mind in no time. If you followed the steps, then next time you won’t put her on a pedestal to begin with. There is a fine line between being in a relationship and being obsessed. You can be in a relationship and still be a player about it.

Most people have to learn the lesson I just explained the hard way, but if you can prevent this situation from happening, you can save yourself alot of time, trouble, and anger. Just don’t become dependant on a girl, always know she is not perfect, and she is lucky to have you.


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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.