In the article below Derek Vitalio sheds some light on the aspect of complimenting women.
It is a question I’m asked alot, “Is it alright to compliment her?”
How to Compliment Girls by Derek Vitalio
Let’s clear up the confusion surrounding compliments.
A lot of guys think that the way into a girl’s pants is to suck up to her and kiss her ass through excessive compliments and gift-buying.
Of course, giving too many compliments to a woman, especially about her looks, only makes you look NEEDY and desperate. At best she’ll think “Oh another desperate guy,” and at worst it gives her the green light to walk all over you.
On the other hand, some guys have the philosophy that you should NEVER compliment a girl to avoid looking needy. But this isn’t right either.
Giving a compliment can be VERY powerful with a woman when you say it directly, smoothly, and with no apologies. The key difference is this – if you give her a compliment from a position of power then she will see you as a powerful person who and she will continue to work for your approval. On the other hand, if you give her a compliment out of sexual neediness then she will see you as a weak beggar.
Make Compliments Work For You
Compliments are useful in that they can put her in a good frame of mind about you. A compliment can work for you by noticing something she put a lot of effort into, something that most guys don’t take the time to notice – therefore setting yourself apart from the pack.
For instance, if she’s wearing something unusual, compliment on that. Or is she has put highlights in hair, mention that. If she’s gone out of her way to stick out her breasts, you can even compliment her on that. If you can’t think of anything, tell her how she has such a nice energy. In ALL cases it’s important that your attitude is calm and playful – NOT needy and desperate.
And whatever you say, say it like that you mean it. If your voice isn’t congruent with the power of your compliment, it will ring false.
Now, should you compliment a woman on her looks? For especially beautiful women in particular, avoid complimenting their beauty. They may well appreciate it, but that’s what EVERY guy tells them, and they probably have the compliment associated with a lot of losers. So you’re not setting yourself apart from the losers and you risk getting associated with a bunch of needy desperate guys.
Give It, Then Fractionate Away
Compliments are made more powerful by using them SPARINGLY and FRACTIONATING.
For example, you may give her a compliment ONCE on her great smile, and then start being more cocky and funny, or simply change the direction of the conversation away from her. Don’t continue to dwell on her great smile.
Or, compliment and then instantly do a “take back” which can be even more powerful. For example, say to her, “You know, it looks like you put a lot of time into your hair… I mean it’s really beautiful… but… I just noticed… that… you have some hair that’s out of place and is going a little crazy right here.” In this example, you give the compliment about her hair, and then you “take back” when you tell her it’s out of place. Just make sure the “take back” is something comparatively minor to the compliment and can be corrected, otherwise it comes off as an insult. For example, if you said, “Your hair is beautiful, but that style went out in the 60’s,” she’d probably take that as an insult.
If anything, just keep in the mind the fundamental rules; give compliments sparingly, if at all. And if you feel you’re about to give one out of neediness or for lack of anything else better to say, keep it to yourself.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.