Mystery Method OAP 5
The Mystery Method OAP 5
If you remember from OAP 4, you enter the Comfort phases once she is attracted to you (A2) and you have convinced her that you are interested in her for reasons she thinks are valid (A3).
In other words:
You enter Comfort as soon as you both accept that you are attracted to each other.
You leave Comfort (and go into Seduction) as soon as you escalate to sexual touching.
Comfort is the missing ingredient that allows you to convert mutual attraction into sex. Comfort changes her from “I want him but I don’t know him well enough” into “I want him”.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it? By itself, it is. Most men can make a woman feel comfortable with them if they’re not trying to have sex. (Sex comes in the Seduction phase, so don’t worry about sex for anything in the Comfort phases). However, you have three things working against you:
Â 1. You never know how much comfort is enough. Not enough comfort before you shift into Seduction, and you’re a horny loser. Too much comfort before you make a move, and you’re a pussy. This used to be a big trap for guys, but Mystery has a secret here, that we’ll share with you in a minute.
2. You can’t focus only on comfort. If you spend all of your effort making her feel so comfortable and safe around you, and none maintaining the tension and intrigue that you created in the Attraction phases, then she’ll get bored and you’ll lose her. On the other hand, rocking the tension too high in comfort will feel awkward and out place, and also destroy any comfort you’ve built up.
3. You have to escalate kino (touching). This is important preparation for Seduction. In the Seduction phases, you will obviously need to be touching her in an increasingly sexual way. Maybe you figure that that’s Seduction, and you don’t have to worry about it while in Comfort, right? Wrong. It’s hard enough in Seduction to shift from non-sexual touching to sexual touching. It’s infinitely harder in Seduction to shift from no touching at all to sexual touching. You’re setting yourself up for failure in Seduction if you don’t do the groundwork in Comfort.
So, how do we build comfort and defeat these obstacles?
Calibrate Timing with Mystery’s 7-hour rule: This is the secret we promised you that destroys the #1 obstacle in the last section. One of Mystery’s major breakthroughs is in learning that there is a 4-10 window during which a sexual relationship can begin. This means that, on a cold approach (where it’s someone you meet at a coffee shop as opposed to your sister’s best friend), you generally need between 4 and 10 hours of interacting with her before sex can occur. This can be over multiple days (you spend an hour with her when you first meet her, and then at least three hours with her the next day . . . that may be enough). But don’t lose sight of the clock. Before 4 hours, she likely won’t be “ready” and you’ll run into insurmountable last-minute resistance in Seduction. After 10 hours, and it will feel awkward and creepy to her, since you didn’t have the balls to make a move when you had the chance, and, anyway, by now she’s gotten so used to your non-sexual presence that all of the attraction/sexual tension has dissipated. The 4-10 principle (average around 7) is crucial — though there are exceptions, you’ll be amazed at how often it applies.
You get points for just being there: You build comfort with a woman by being in situations with her where you could theoretically try to escalate sexually with her, but don’t. If she can sit on your couch without you being all over her, that will build comfort. If you can grind with her on the dance floor without grabbing her ass, that builds comfort. Until you get to 4-10 hours of course!
Speed things up with multiple venues: Boy takes “Girl A” to the park. They have a picnic and hang out 6 hours. Boy takes “Girl B” window shopping, then they grab a bite, then they go to bookstore, then they have a drink, all over a 6 hour period. Which girl is more likely to be “ready”? Girl B. She has seen herself in more situations with the guy, and therefore feels she knows him better.
Make YOURSELF her source of comfort: Imagine that a girl invites you to a party. It turns out that she knows everyone and you know no one. She leaves for a few minutes. You awkwardly meet her friends and try to make a good impression, but it’s still stressful, not knowing anyone. Then she comes back, and you’re relieved. Then she goes and you’re uncomfortable. Etc., etc. If you’ve been following along, you can see how useful this is in reverse. Bring her to places where you are the center of attention. Make her work to win your attention. By working to win your attention, by being happier when you’re around then when you’re not, by trying to make a good impression on your friends, she will be following behavior patterns that she is used to following when she is interested in someone. Making her follow them with you solidifies her attraction to you while building comfort.
Be genuinely interested in her. Remember, she won you over in A3: Qualification. You don’t need to be so dismissive anymore. Now that you’re in Comfort, it is expected, normal, and attractive for you to ask her personal questions about herself. On the other hand . . .
Don’t stop being a challenge. Keep the romantic/sexual tension going during the comfort phase. At appropriate times, you should still tease her, disagree with her, etc. Once there is no tension, the interaction becomes boring for a girl.
The comfort game requires a lot of subtly and mental dexterity. There’s a lot we couldn’t put in here (most important: 1) the effect of the three different phases of Comfort; 2) How to escalate kino, which is really tricky . . . we needed to put over 15 minutes of kino escalation tactics on disk 3 of the Mystery Method DVD set). But this will get you started.
Remember — do the math. Comfort takes about 6 hours (with a half-hour for Attraction and a half-hour for Seduction). That’s a long time. Slow it down. The high-energy flair in Attraction isn’t really useful here. To some extent, Comfort is where you “be yourself” — or at least, be who you want to be — and let her learn about you, while you do the same with her.
If this isn’t easy, don’t worry. Like the other phases, it needs practice and intuition.
Next up . . . Jealousy Plotlines! Use this one with caution. It is a necessary element in the toolbox of any master Venusian Artist, so you will need to know how to do this effectively with 9s and 10s. However, this is a really easy place to make mistakes, so practice the basic elements of Comfort first.
A jealousy plotline is where your target woman feels jealous of another woman or women who are interested in you and to whom you are neutral or interested.
A jealousy plotline can be introduced directly or indirectly. An example of a direct jealousy plotline would be if I were taking Sarah out shopping, and happen to run into Amanda on the street. Amanda is quite attractive, gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and when leaving tells me to call her so we’ll go out for a drink. It’s a direct plotline because it is happening where the target (Sarah) can perceive it. An indirect plotline would be when out shopping with Sarah, I mention that I have to be done at 6, since a friend of mine is cooking me dinner. Sarah knows that guys don’t make plans to cook each other dinner, so she knows it’s a date. Instant jealousy plotline.
Done properly, jealousy can do a lot of good:
First, it acts as a trigger for a woman’s “pursuit” switch. A woman can be enjoying an interaction, not really thinking about it, until a feeling of jealousy hits. At that point, she can’t deny to herself that she wants you. She’ll try harder at that point, and in trying to seduce you, she will want you even more (this is because of a psychological principle called cognitive dissonance. We’ll catch up on that another time).
Second, jealousy is a strong feeling. Women like strong feelings and going through ranges of emotions. Feeling jealousy and then feeling relaxed and then feeling confused and then feeling happy has much more of an effect on a woman than just feeling happy.
Third, jealousy will make your job in Seduction much easier. She knows you have options, so withholding sex becomes counterproductive for her. She knows you can just get it somewhere else. Also, she knows that other women are staking their claim, so she’d better move on you before it’s too late.
Fourth, jealousy can create comfort for a woman who dates a lot. Many attractive women are always casually dating a small number of guys when they are between relationships. A woman might find it more comfortable to date someone in the same situation as opposed to a man who is focused solely on her who doesn’t have other options.
That being said, nothing can kill a good interaction with a woman as quickly, as totally, and as irreparably as a poorly-executed jealousy plotline. Here are some hints:
Less is more. Don’t overdo it, and let her imagination do the work for you. “I have to stop off and pick up some wine; a friend is coming over for dinner” is infinitely better than “my hot 21-year old neighbor is so in love with me, she keeps calling wanting to come over, it’s really nice”. The latter betrays insecurity.
Make it “accidental”. Doing anything that makes it look like you’re trying to make her jealous will backfire. Don’t talk about another girl unless there’s a reason for it.
Respect social norms. If you’re on a date with a girl and you run into another girl, it’s ok (good, actually) to run into another girl, introduce her to your date, and talk for 5 minutes. It’s not cool to go off for 20 minutes with her and leave your date alone. That just shows that you are socially awkward. Similarly, brushing off the “other girl” would make your date feel like you have something to hide. Greet the “other girl” like you would a good friend that you hadn’t seen in a while. Take it from there.
Make sure the jealousy is warranted. If I’m on a date with Tammy the supermodel, bumping into my friend’s dorky kid sister Gertrude and being all into her won’t create much jealousy. You can accomplish-intro the “other girl” by telling your date cool things about her, the same way you would if you were talking to two women and your male wingman showed up.
Don’t ever — EVER — be jealous yourself. She had a sex life before she met you. If you’re attracted to her, other guys are too. Get over it. She will mention other guys, sometimes in passing, sometimes to test you. Don’t ask leading questions (“did he stay over?”) or try to learn more (“so, this guy you’re dating . . .” in an effort to see if she contradicts you over the word ‘dating’). Just cut the thread and move on.
Like anything in the Venusian Arts, it’s important to develop a good intuition for different situations. This only comes from experience. So get out there and try this stuff, a few times, over and over, until you “get it”. There’s no feeling in the world that’s better than the first time you make a new tactic or skill work when picking up a beautiful woman.
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About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me