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Tucker Max’s Guide to Dealing with an Ex Making a Scene

Some more solid advice from Tucker Max. If you’ve never heard of him check him out at

A great question about a situation that has faced nearly every guy.

So, the scene is that you are out with a new girl you like, and the old girl sees you and flips out. Starts saying all kinds of shit about how you have a small dick or you gave her herpes or you are an asshole or whatever. There is a very easy way to deal with this. Follow along:

1. MOST IMPORTANT: Stay calm and appear unconcerned. To get upset or agitated is to show weakness, and then you’ve already lost. If she is acting crazy, staying calm only accentuates her insane behavior.

2. Quietly whisper to the girl you are with that this is a crazy ex-girlfriend, that you dumped her because she was a nut and to be cool, you’ll deal with it. Shows you are strong and cool under pressure.

3. Lay low and let her dig herself in a hole. Let her really commit to making fun of you, don’t say anything, but instead really get your bombers lined up, wait for the right moment, like when she pauses or something, and then call in the fucking air strike:

“Are you still mad that I dumped you? I’m glad that you finally lost all that weight, but really, you should be thanking me. You’d still be a size 12 if it wasn’t for me. I know you’re bitter, but you weren’t saying my dick was small when you were jacking it off as you licked out my ass. And you even made me stop fucking you in butt because you said my dick was too big and it hurt too much.”

Or maybe this: “Sweetie, I’m confused. If I’m obviously a pathetic loser, then why’d you let me play you? I suck so much, why are you so mad that I dumped you? Shouldn’t you be happy I tossed you out? I mean, if I’m such a dork, why did you let me fuck you in the ass?”

Or something along those lines. There are a thousand ways to flip the situation on her; tailor your comments to your specific relationship and to what she says, but the key is to turn the situation back on her in a funny manner; to you, it’s all a joke and she’s just some crazy girl.

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About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me

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