De Hypnotizing Your Self With Women
Below is a question and answer with Derek Vitalio. As many of you know I’m a big fan of Derek’s and usually will reprint most of the newsletters he puts out. I’ve also listed a couple of his products in my recommened products page.
How to Go After the Girl You Want by Derek Vitalio
Derek, why do you think so many men are afraid to go after the women they want?
Its not so many. ALL men, at least at first, are afraid to go after the women they want. And that fear never goes away 100%.
Its perfectly natural to have this fear. Thats what most guys dont understand. Theyre afraid, they have hesitation, and they think that somethings wrong with them. But really theyre having a normal response.
That fear of going up to women is built into our genetics. When we humans lived in hunter gatherer bands of 30 to 50 people, to go up to a woman and getting rejected could literally mean genetic death. If she turned you down, the 3 or 4 other fertile females in the tribe would probably find out and your social value would be lowered. A single rejection could significantly diminish your chances of mating and passing on your genes. So men who approached the women they wanted directly tended not to reproduce. Only the men with a fear of approaching survived. It was literally a matter of LIFE AND DEATH.
Of course, thats not the case anymore. Its completely counterproductive to have that fear of approaching women today. Rather than 3 or 4 fertile females, there are millions. And even if one turns you down, the other 999,999 women wont find out about it.
Consequently, the most successful genetic strategy of 200 years ago and before is now suddenly the LEAST successful strategy. Yet the programming of our human brains hasnt had a chance to adapt to the new conditions.
I explain the process in more detail in my books and how to get over that natural and perfectly normal fear.
In your opinion, what do you see as the “reality” of dealing with women as opposed to what the media would have us believe it is?
We live in a capitalist society. Owners of business “ capitalists “ make profits by selling products. They make money by selling us THINGS (commodities) on the capitalist market. And they often use sex to sell their products.
Consequently, men are bombarded with advertising messages of things they need to BUY to win the girl. You need to BUY a hot car to impress a girl. You need to BUY expensive clothes. You need to BUY Big Red breath gum. You need to BUY and be seen with the right kind of beer. You need to BUY her restaurant food, movie tickets, and Hallmark cards to impress her.
These are all messages constantly put forth by capitalists on the capitalist market to make money. And theyre very successful at it. Given that its all around us, it becomes an all-encompassing ideology that we never even think to question. It would never occur to us that NONE OF THIS IS TRUE, no more than it would occur to a Medieval peasant that the Earth isnt flat.
There is also an interesting evolutionary theory out there “ that every man wants to have sex and spread his genes with as many women as possible – and yet stop all of the OTHER competing males from doing so.
You can see this behavior all throughout society. For example, religious fundamentalist males often teach that sex is a bad thing that we shouldnt engage in. They teach that men should be and act asexual around women. And women should be “pure” and “virginal” and not show outward interest in sex. Its taboo to teach men how to behave around women in a way that attracts women.
Yet theres a large body of evidence that shows that religious fundamentalist males cheat on their partners just as much as non-religious males. In other words, they teach men not to be promiscuous and yet in practice are promiscuous themselves.
As you can see, these different ideological forces, often contradictory with one another, hit us from all angles and form our consciousness. It doesnt take a genius to figure out that most guys are pretty clueless as a result.
However, while these ideological forces affect us on a very deep level, they don’t enslave us; with time, you can unlearn them and adopt a new set of beliefs that better matches reality and will actually deliver concrete results. That’s why I wrote Seduction Science, to cut through all of these ideological forces and expose the underlying reality of what really works in attracting women.
Derek, what, if any, difficulties have you faced with women during your life?
When I was younger I had almost no skills with women. I didnt know how to act around them or what to do. Even when I found out that women were interested in me, I didnt know how to take advantage of the situation. Consequently, I missed out on a lot of opportunities.
I learned in chemistry class that the more you knew about the details of reality, the more magic you could do. For example, you could build firecrackers “ something that would look like magic to a caveman “ if you understood the elements on the periodic table and how they joined to form compounds. In fact, if you knew enough about molecular reality, you could build all sorts of useful things “ like plastics, steel, synthetic rubber, and so on.
However, when it came to women it was apparent to me that I did NOT have a clear grasp on reality. My understanding of women and the dating game wasnt like having the periodic table in front of me “ it was more like thinking that the four elements were wind, earth, fire and ether. I way applying Medieval-level technology to social situations and dating. It was really terrible.
I decided to take a long, deep look at myself and eventually became determined to improve myself in this area. Eventually, my efforts paid off.
Do you think it’s healthier for men to seek relationships as opposed to sexual encounters with women? In other words, a girlfriend versus a one night stand?
People are at different stages in their lives. If youre young and inexperienced, having a few short-term girlfriends can be exactly what you need. Some guys need to experiment with different kinds of women and find out what kind of woman is right for them.
At another point in your life you may meet The One, that girl who you feel is right for you. And you know shes right for you, because you can make an accurate, educated decision based on your past experiences.
In that case, you may want to pour your energy into nurturing a relationship with one woman.
And sometimes what starts out as a short-term relationship grows into a long-term relationship.
So the two goals are fluid and reflect one another “ its not an either-or situation. And one is not healthier than the other by nature. It all depends on where you are on life’s path.
There is one caveat “ if you meet a girl who is going to make you happy and all your senses tell you to have a long-term relationship with her “ and you give that up simply to prove to others or yourself that you can seduce girls “ then you’re shortchanging yourself.
Seduction should be about finding YOUR happiness, not about getting an ego boost from your friends or simply to prove something to yourself over and over again. Seduction just for the sake of seduction for purely ego reasons without a wider goal can become unhealthy.
What do you see as common traps men fall into that make them unhappy with their love life?
The biggest trap men fall into is not being clear as to what they want. They end up settling for the first woman that fall into their lap and their relationship is one of convenience.
Of course, most men settle for the same with their work life, where theyll spend one third of their life. They dont know what they want to do and settle for the first job that comes their way. They settle into a routine that feels comfortable simply because it feels familiar. They dont take risks because of fear of the unknown and for lacking clear goals.
Sadly, most men never reach their lifes full potential in either area. They *settle* for their unhappiness.
Of course, any guy can change that RIGHT NOW. They have to decide to identify what they really want from a relationship or multiple relationships, and turn their life upside down if necessary to achieve that goal.
SOON YOU LL BE DEAD and it will all be over. Dont settle for anything less than what you want to achieve.
Of course, Seduction Science won’t do all the work for you. But it’s a great place to START. Click here to make that change right now.
About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me