Easier Than Paying for a Date
Here is something out of David De Angelo’s mail bag that I found useful and thought that I would post. It is about paying for dates. Alot of guys ask me about this and here is some of Dave’s feelings on it. Also, I have been aquiring a list of date ideas on Myspace, when the list is complete I will post it. If any of you have any interesting date ideas post them as a comment below.
Instead of Buying Her Dinner by David De Angelo
I want to share an interesting story about a
conversation I had this evening.
I was talking with, of all people, my MOM about
the topic of “men paying for things for women” and
it was fascinating to me to hear her perspective.
Without hesitation, she said that she believes
that men should pay for everything, and if they
really like a woman that they should SUPPORT her
Of course, I burst out with, “YOU HAVE TO BE
After we shared a laugh, she said, “No, I’m not
And she wasn’t kidding, either.
My own mother believes that it’s just part of
being a “gentleman and good suitor” to pay for
dinners, gifts, and even shelter for the woman he
I immediately replied with [paraphrased]:
“This kind of sounds to me like you believe
that men should pay women to give them attention,
affection and sex.”
At this point I think she remembered that I
write books about this kind of thing and she gave
up. But the thing that really got my attention was
that she REALLY BELIEVES THAT MEN SHOULD PAY FOR
EVERYTHING. IN FACT, SHE BELIEVES IT AT THE “WELL,
OF COURSE! THAT’S JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO”
Heavy man, heavy.
No wonder I was such a loser before with women.
OK, I love my mom and mean no disrespect
But let’s talk about the real world for a
Here are a few things that I believe about how
things work in general when it comes to women and
1) People in general, MALE OR FEMALE intuitively
know when they are being “pursued”. As soon as we
know that we have something that someone else
wants, the price starts to go up. Economics 101.
2) When the price starts going up (translation:
she realizes that you really like her and she
starts playing hard to get, making you “prove”
yourself, etc.) you start to LOSE CONTROL RAPIDLY.
3) When you lose control, you have a couple of
basic ways you can respond: A) Pursue her harder,
giving her even MORE control OR B) Giving up.
(Neither of these options sounds very good to me.)
4) An alternative is to NEVER START GIVING UP
CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE.
5) One way to do that is to stay away from things
that put a woman into the “courting” mode of
thinking and behavior.
6) Asking a woman to dinner and then buying is
probably the absolute most certain way to put a
woman in the state of mind that she is being
“pursued” (with the possible exception of stalking
her, which I strongly discourage).
By the way, I’m not opposed to the idea of
buying dinner for a woman. I’m opposed to the
mindset that you put her into when you buy it.
Before I tell you what to do instead of buying
a woman dinner, let me share what I’m thinking
when I first meet an attractive woman (I like
unusually beautiful women personally, so this
might reflect a bit of a bias):
“She seems nice, but in my experience you never
know what a person is like until you get to know
them better. I’m willing to take the time to have
a cup of tea with her to find out more.”
I’M GOING TO GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO PROVE TO ME
THAT SHE’S MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE.
I never think, EVEN FOR A SECOND, that I need
to buy her dinner so she’ll sit and talk to me. No
Incidentally, or not so incidentally, having an
attitude that you need something other than
yourself in order for a woman to like you is
UNATTRACTIVE to women. They can smell this kind of
attitude and lack of self worth. Bad, bad, bad.
OK, so you get that I’m not real big on the
idea of starting things off by paying for dinners
“What should you do instead?”
I thought you’d never ask…
Well, first off, if you ABSOLUTELY CAN’T HELP
YOURSELF and you just HAVE to take a woman to
dinner, at least frame it as “I want to go out to
this favorite restaurant of mine, and if you’d
like to go you’re welcome to join me.” Then if you
decide to pay, it can be something you were doing
for yourself, and you were being POLITE by paying
for hers. If you do this, make it clear that
you’re there because you want to go there, and
that it’s not to court her!
A much better idea is to be creative and avoid
all of the things that scream “I’m willing to
spend money to have your attention” (and therefore
driving the price of that attention up).
Why not a walk in the park? Going to an art
show? Going window shopping in an interesting part
of town? Taking her with you to run errands?
Taking her to a party that friends are throwing?
Here’s a hint: DO SOMETHING THAT HAS
INTERESTING CONVERSATION AND EXCITEMENT BUILT IN.
Sitting at a dinner table ALONE with someone
that YOU DON’T KNOW is hardly “interesting
conversation built in”. Think about it.
Take a moment right now and think of 10 things
you could do with a woman that cost little or no
money, but have all kinds of interesting
conversation, adventure, and excitement BUILT
Then, just do some of those things! Don’t
advertise the fact that you’re not “taking her out
to dinner”, just DON’T DO IT.
Hey, this is great… you get to have fun, not
look like a wuss, not put her in “courting” mode,
and have interesting conversation built right in.
Added bonus: You save $$$. Nice.
What I’m really trying to say here is don’t set
up the idea that you’re paying for her attention.
Just don’t do it.
And as for the gal who you met in the market…
I love the fact that you suggested she should
come over and cook for you. Cocky and funny, very
When she got that shocked look and couldn’t
respond you might have said, “Oh, I didn’t mean to
embarrass you… you can’t cook, huh? Well, that’s
OK. It’s nothing to be ashamed of…”
These are the best moments to turn up the heat!
After that, just simply move to the “It was
nice talking to you but I have to get back to my
shopping…” Then, just after turning away, say,
“Hey!… Do you have email?”
“Great [pull out pen]. Give it to me.”
Then follow up with this email:
“Hey, nice bumping into you at the market today.
After carefully considering it, I’ve decided that
I can live with the fact that you can’t cook. I’ll
just have to adjust. I’m busy tomorrow, but maybe
the next day we can get together for a cup of tea
and I can teach you a thing or two about this
cooking thing. It’s really not that hard, and I’m
sure you’ll get the hang of it in no time…”
By the way, I have no problem with the idea of
having a woman cook for you. Just remember that if
she does YOU NEED TO PLAY HARD TO GET!
Wait a minute; you need to do that anyway…
A great ebook to really begin your mind altering transformation from chump to champ is Dave’s Double Your Dating.
About MikeStoute Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me