Building a Connection With Women
Below is another great article by Derek Vitalio. I agree with alot of this article but am still up in the air about my feelings on creating rapport. I have friends who are able to create instaneous rapport with girls. I take a little longer to build rapport… but the question is; who has created the stronger bond. I guess it may depend on the girl as well.
Virtually all women want to feel an intimate sense of bond and connection with their man in a relationship.
So a lot of guys naturally attempt to establish that sense of bond and connection with a girl right away.
They approach a girl at a bookstore or club and attempt to establish deep rapport right away by eliciting her values or doing an incredible connection routine.
Unfortunately, they walk away brushed off by the girl and scratching their heads as to what they did wrong.
What went wrong is that they tried to establish an intimate bond and connection TOO SOON.
Yes, getting deep rapport with a girl is necessary – eventually.
But NOT at the first moment you meet her.
If you try for bond, connection, and deep rapport at the first moment you meet a girl, it will blow up in your face.
Because you dont have enough Social Value to the girl yet.
Its not that women dont like that building that sense of bond and connection with a man. They LIKE it. They WANT it.
They just want to do it with a man with equal or higher social value than themselves.
If you jump directly into Bond and Connection (B&C) routines and material right away without establishing any social value first, youll just come across as another nice guy.
Step one – Build Social Value with a Girl
First, you have to build your social value to the girl. As Ive discussed in detail before, there are many ways of doing this:
1. Social proof – she sees you talking with other hot girls
2. Nonverbal Sexual Cues – good voice, strong body language, eye contact, etc.
3. Ignoring social pressure – you walk right up to her, ignore everybody else extremely confident and brash
4. Your visual style – how you’re dressed, groomed, etc
5. Demonstrating value obliquely – winning over her friends, telling cool stories, palm reading, etc
6. Disqualifying yourself – ignoring her in front of her friends
7. Screening her – make her earn your acceptance
Once youre in her group of friends, have built social value for yourself, and screened her and accepted her, shell begin giving you signs of interest “ touching you, smiling at you, turning her body to face you, attempt to initiate conversation with you, and so on.
This is the point “ once you know she likes you “ that you want to establish that deep, intimate, bond and connection with her.
Step two – Isolate Her from Her Friends
Once shes giving you signs of interest, you’ll want to get her AWAY from her friends.
While you needed to engage her entire group of friends to establish your social value, once you have it, her friends will actually HINDER the coming Bond and Connection phase of the seduction.
To establish that deep rapport of bond and connection, you’ll need to get the girl ALONE and talk with her one-on-one.
Separating her from her friends is rather easy to accomplish.
First tell the Object of Your Desire (OYD), Hey, I have the coolest thing Ive just got to show you this
This is a curiosity hook. Shell ask you, What is it?
Tell her that you cant show her here its too loud or that you need to show her in private.
Now shell go with you, if you simply lead her. But you cant take her just yet.
You still have to neutralize any potential objections from her peer group that youll be stealing her away from them.
Tell her group of friends, Your friend and I like each other. Im going to just borrow her for a few minutes. Thats cool with you guys.
Telling her group, Your friend and I like each other, may seem bold, but it’s actually based on cold fact at this point. Shes given you repeated signs of interest (I like you) and youve screened and accepted her (I like you back).
So when you tell her friends, Your friend and I like each other, the Object of Your Desire will give you no resistance.
Telling her group, Im going to just borrow her for a few minutes, simply paces the action so that they won’t be surprised when she disappears… and won’t go looking for her when she does.
And telling the group, Thats cool with you guys, gets her groups verbal, explicit permission for you to snatch her away and neutralizes any cock-blocking they might otherwise give you. If youve already demonstrated social value to the group, its highly unlikely that her friends will say no.
Step three – Building Bond and Connection
Now that you have her separated from her group, take her by the hand and lead her to a quieter place in the club.
Nows the time to build that intimate sense of bond and connection with her. Why will it work now?
1. You already have social value to her.
2. She likes you. Shes been giving you signs of interest.
3. She knows you like her and that she had to work to earn your interest (screening and acceptance).
Now you need to show her that youre not just an interesting club guy, but that youre a REAL HUMAN BEING.
First, SIT DOWN with her.
Second, DROP the social value building techniques of social proofing, teasing, ignoring, balls busting, zany stories, psychological games, cocky posturing, and all that.
You ALREADY have HIGH social value to her. Doing more will just slow things down at best, trip things up at worst.
The point of Bond and Connection is to show her that youre a NORMAL guy, not just a club guy. Youre about to reveal to her a little bit of your true, inner SOUL.
Third, once you have her isolated and sitting down with you, adjust your Nonverbal Sexual Cues.
Project the energy of sharing your soul and deep intimacy with her. Imagine that youve known this girl forever and shes already your girlfriend. Imagine a tangible energy between the two of your bodies, like an electric current.
Your Nonverbal Sexual Cues will automatically adjust to the new frame – bedroom eyes, smiling up close, deep eye contact, your body and face completely turned toward hers, slow breathing, husky voice, and warm body heat.
Bond and Connection (B&C) Routines
At this point, youll want to launch into your Bond and Connection (B&C) material. Here are some basic B&C routines I like to use.
Elicit her values: Ask her questions that will reveal her core values. For example, you can ask her, What in your life makes you really happy?
She might, say Doing well at my job/school.
Then ask her, And what does doing well at your job/school allow you to feel?
She might reply, Feeling like Ive accomplished something.
Ask her, And whats the feeling you get when you accomplish something?
She might reply, I get that high, that rush.
Then squeeze her hands and tell her, Isnt it great when someone understands you on that level and you can experience that rush with them.
Then pay her a sincere compliment on that positive attribute of hers (wanting to accomplish her goals in this case) that she holds so important. Tell her that shell have successes because of that positive attribute.
Wonderful connection: Tell her how amazing it is that you met each other. Talk about destiny. Talk about that wonderful connection that you have together, and how thats something so rare and so hard to find. Have her take that connection that you share, have her give it a color, and have her visualize it expanding over the both of you through each others bodies.
The club is phony: Talk about how club gaming is phony and that you feel like you can really open up to her and be yourself with her. Tell her that you dont feel you have to put up a front with her like you do with other girls. Tell her that shes different than all the other clubber girls you meet.
Tell her an intimate story about yourself: Have a story ready to tell her about some intimate experience youve had that you dont normally share with girls. Perhaps like the day your puppy died and how it emotionally affected you and ever since that day you never take your life for granted. The story should be about YOU and show your more sensitive side.
While running this B&C material, be aware of your nonverbal sexual cues. Your physical and energetic intimacy and deep rapport should match the intimacy and deep rapport of your words.
Continue building a bond and connection with the girl for AT LEAST twenty minutes before attempting to get her phone number, scheduling a date, or getting her to leave the club with you to grab something to eat.
So lets summarize everything:
Dont launch into Bond and Connection routines and material right away with a girl. You wont have enough social value to her for her to take it seriously and youll just look like another nice guy. Instead, follow these steps in order:
1. Build social value for yourself.
2. Once shes given you signs of interest, isolate the girl from her friends.
3. Sit down with her and build that intimate, deep rapport of Bond and Connection.
By following these steps you’ll increase your likelihood of getting with the hottest girls tenfold.
No longer will you be waiting for dumb luck to whack upside the head or rely on playing the numbers. By using the techniques in Seduction Science, youll be able to pick out the hottest girl in the whole club “ and get THAT ONE GIRL with precision accuracy.
Let me ask you, where do you see yourself in ten years?
Stuck in relationship with a woman you just settled for, but arent really happy with? Alone possibly? Or perhaps looking back on your life and regretting you didnt make it what you wanted it to be while you still had the chance?
Our lives are actually pretty short. Its pretty scary to think about it so its not something we pay much attention to “ until its too late.
No one ever said youll master this in a single day, or even a month. But with some practice, dedication, and commitment youll reach your destination and your destiny.
Others, including myself, are there to help you. With all my courses also comes membership to the Derek Vitalio VIP Lounge where youll be able to get feedback to your progress.
Stop making excuses for yourself. Nows the time to change your life forever. Go for it!
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.