Escalate From Personal to Sexual

Here is another installment of Jugglers online course through
his Charisma Arts site.

Escalating Sexual Attraction by Juggler

Last time, we talked about how to move from your platonic opening
to a more personal interaction. Now, let’s talk about how to
transition to a sexual interaction.

You are sitting down and enjoying a personal conversation. You
are talking about her and you, sharing laughs and having fun.
This is nice but this personal stage can only go on so long.
Relationships either move forward or backwards. They never stay
in the same place for very long. Like it or not you are going to
have to escalate again. You are going to have to make it sexual.
By sexual I don’t necessarily mean having sex right there and
then. What I mean is that the interaction should take on
overtones of sexuality, attraction and mutual flirting.

A women’s number one complaint about men is that men cannot
escalate effectively. Women become bored with men who cannot
escalate. They call us gutless and possibly gay. We don’t want
that to happen. We want exciting, adventurous moments with
women. We want both her and us to feel the tinge of electric
anticipation that comes from an interaction that is becoming more
sexually charged.

*** Escalating to a sexual interaction ***

Like all escalations this one needs a reason. And that reason
should flow organically out of the conversation you are having
with a woman. One of the most frequent questions I get when I
lecture at my Charisma Seminar is how long after meeting a woman
should we show our sexual interest. The answer is that you
should show your sexual interest when you hear or see something
from a woman which you find compelling and unique. That could be
in ten seconds, ten minutes or in some cases, maybe never.

Carl was a client who was an excellent salsa dancer. He
frequently met women at salsa clubs by teaching them to dance.
After spinning a woman through a few lessons on the dance floor
he would sit down with her on the couch and talk. Then after a
few minutes he would get her telephone number. In this way he
was able to collect an average of ten numbers a weekend. He kept
a shoe box bulging with cocktail napkins and odd scraps paper.
The problem was, all those numbers resulted in only quick phone
conversations or platonic coffee dates. He made zero sexual

I suggested that the reason that he was not getting anywhere
exciting with women was that he was not making it sexual early
enough. The reason he got few dates, and the reason that those
few dates rarely became anything more was because these women
didn’t want another platonic friend. They are longing for a man
who can escalate properly to something flirty. Most women find
most men frustrating in this area. When women pick up on a lack
of escalation they cut the relationship short presuming either
the man isn’t interested or that he is gutless. No one wants to
waste their time.

I told Carl to show sexual interest while sitting down on the
couch with the women he met. “Find something about these women
that you find compelling and tell them that is sexy.” But he
was not convinced he could find something compelling in the women
he met.

“Sure you can,” I told him. “For starters, these women are
showing up at your dance club alone to try something they have
never done before with people they have never met. That takes
courage and courage is sexy. Tell them that.”

Well sure enough I got an email from him after the following
weekend. After trying what I advised he reported getting only
two phone numbers that weekend. The problem was he had spent all
night making out on the couch with those two women.

Find something unique and compelling about the women you meet and
then tell them you find that sexy. That is what sexy is,
after-all. Sexy is not the shape of a woman’s body. It is the
shape of her soul, her confidence and her unique person.

Sometimes we find a woman’s uniqueness in unexpected places. One
of our Charisma Arts instructors, Jayson, once met a woman who
mentioned that she paid her way through college by working as a
maid. He told her, “That you can make a bed really well is so
sexy.” It was a funny thing to say but moments later she was
trying to suck his lips off.

*** The Word “Sexy” ***

Use the word sexy. Sometimes I will tell a woman that whatever
it is about her I find compelling is turning me on and she better
stop that. You must make it clear. “I really like you,” or “You
are cool,” or “I want to get your number,” or “You are pretty,”
are things her friends and family say to her. They are not
strong enough. Your sexual interest must be clear. Use whatever
words you have to in order to get your point across. In my
experience you are best staying with sexy.

Don’t make it a heavy thing. The art of this escalation is saying
sexy in a fun, light way yet in a way that is tied to something
about her unique self that she has shared that you find

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  • The Secret to Making “Small Talk” Sexier
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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