How to Do Better With Women
David DeAngelo sent out this informative and motivational newsletter that I thought I would post. David’s stuff is great for reinforcement of what you may already know… and his ebook Double Your Dating is a great place to get started if you are new to all of this.
Increase Success With Girls by David DeAngelo
Let me ask you a question.
What is “SUCCESS” to you when it comes to women?
If I asked you to give me a detailed explanation of EXACTLY how your life would be if you had ULTIMATE SUCCESS with women, could you do it?
Sure, most guys would say something like, “Success to me would be being able to walk up to any woman and get a date with her”… or “Success to me would be dating as many women as I wanted”… or “Success to me would be having a really sexy girlfriend”, etc.
These are the kinds of answers I hear when I ask guys this question.
But there’s a PROBLEM with these answers.
NONE OF THEM REALLY MEAN ANYTHING.
If you learn how to approach any woman and get a date, you’ll soon find that you don’t know what to DO once you’re actually out ON the dates… how to take things to a physical level, how to kiss her, etc…
If you start dating several women at a time, you’ll quickly realize that it’s a MAJOR challenge to juggle all of those relationships and maintain a happy life…
If you find a really sexy girlfriend, there’s a good chance that she’ll have a whole bunch of personal issues and problems that you never anticipated…
You have to be careful what you wish for in life, because you’ll often get it.
I’ve found that guys usually make TWO major mistakes when it comes to SUCCESS with women:
1) Most guys haven’t really thought through what success means to them in detail.
2) Most guys base their personal idea of success on what OTHERS want, and not what THEY want for themselves.
In fact, I was one of the guys that made BOTH of these mistakes.
I can remember when I first decided to ONCE AND FOR ALL learn how to be “successful” with women.
I had this idea in my mind that if I could just learn how to get women’s phone numbers quickly and easily that I would be successful beyond my wildest dreams.
So I went to work on figuring it out.
I probably spent a good six or twelve months trying all kinds of different tricks to get women’s phone numbers quickly.
And I figured out some great techniques.
I can literally get a woman’s number within a few minutes of meeting her.
But once I learned this skill, I was hit with a MAJOR realization: Most of the women I was meeting never turned into DATES.
They either didn’t return my calls, refused my requests, or just plain flaked out on me.
It was VERY frustrating.
The other problem I had was looking around at what OTHER guys were doing and saying, “I want to be able to do what HE does…” or “I want to date the kinds of women HE dates”.
And I secretly had this idea that if I knew how to date HOT women that all my friends would like me more and think I was a really cool guy.
Well guess what?
First of all, just because another guy is doing something, doesn’t mean that it would make ME happy. In fact, I realized that in many cases it wasn’t even making HIM happy.
I couldn’t help comparing my success and the women I was dating with other guys, and the women they were dating.
But it was a trap.
The more a person looks at what OTHERS are doing and focusing on that, the less satisfied they are with what THEY are doing themselves.
And as far as other guys thinking I was “cool” because I was dating beautiful women… WRONG AGAIN.
Guys (even friends) usually envy you and resent the fact that you have success and they don’t. Especially when it comes to really beautiful women.
So much for those losing strategies.
SO WHAT’S THE ANSWER?
Well, it’s taken me a few years to really put all the puzzle pieces together and figure out how to resolve these issues.
Here’s what I’ve come up with:
1) REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT SUCCESS MEANS TO YOU IN DETAIL, AND WRITE IT DOWN.
Take the time (even if it takes days or weeks… or longer) and think through what you want for yourself.
Do a little “self examination” (no, not down there), and be honest with yourself.
See if you can figure out where your idea of “what success is” came from.
Did it come from watching movies?
Did it come from guys you know?
Where did you get your model of what “success with women” is?
Once you’ve figured out where some of your ideas came from, then think about what you want.
Think about your life and your lifestyle.
Instead of looking at Playboy and thinking to yourself “I’d sure like to have seven blonde girlfriends in my bed”, try thinking about what would make you HAPPY on an ongoing basis.
Take some time to write down the things you like in a woman. Write down what you DON’T like.
Get a clear picture in your mind of how you’d like your life to be, and what kind of success with women would make your life more enjoyable.
After researching this topic for a few years now, I’ve come to the opinion that most guys (80%-90%) actually want to have a great long-term relationship with a fantastic woman.
Sure, some guys want to date around and sleep with a lot of women, but the majority of guys would really like to meet an exceptional woman and share a great connection… long term.
But guess what?
You’re not going to walk outside after you’re finished reading this and find that particular woman waiting on the corner for you.
In fact, you’re probably not going to meet her anytime soon.
If you want to find a REALLY exceptional woman that is beautiful, intelligent, funny, emotionally stable, financially independent, loving, etc., then you’re probably going to have to date QUITE A FEW women in order to FIND her.
And when you DO find her, you can bet your ass that she’s IN DEMAND. She probably has MANY guys who are interested in her on an ongoing basis, and she KNOWS that she has options.
TRANSLATION: You’d better have your sh** together when you do meet her, and you’d better not be acting like an idiot.
So think through what success means to you, what you want, what you don’t want, and how you’d like your life to look ideally when it comes to women and dating.
2) LEARN THE RARE SKILL OF MAKING WOMEN FEEL THE MAGICAL EMOTION CALLED ATTRACTION.
I have spent a long time now searching for the secrets of how ATTRACTION works.
You’d probably guess that something as IMPORTANT and as POWERFUL as ATTRACTION would be well-researched and widely written about.
Well guess what?
I can’t find even ONE good book, audio tape series, seminar or web site that describes it.
NOT EVEN ONE.
I’ve read all kinds of “opinions” on attraction, but when I really compare what I read and hear to my own personal knowledge and experience, I always shake my head and say to myself “No, that’s not right”.
And by the way, if you’ve found a book, tape, seminar, or web site, etc., that lays it all out, let me know. I think I’ve reviewed just about everything out there and met a lot of the experts on the topic… but maybe I’ve missed something.
The point is that I think that success in this area of life basically ALL comes down to understanding ATTRACTION.
I’m not talking about being “physically attractive”, I’m talking about the EMOTION of ATTRACTION.
If a woman feels ATTRACTION for a man, then nothing else matters.
His looks don’t matter, his income doesn’t matter, his age doesn’t matter… nothing matters.
On the other hand, if a woman DOESN’T feel ATTRACTION for a man, then nothing else matters!
His looks, income, age, etc. just don’t matter.
Nothing he can do can make her feel that emotion.
Sure, a woman can “fall for” a guy over time. But in these rare cases it’s not because of ATTRACTION. It’s because she starts to feel an AFFECTION for him, and settles for a long-term relationship. Incidentally, this usually involves a man who pursues a woman, buys her gifts and dinners, behaves in a way that puts her value above his, etc. And, incidentally, it usually involves a woman who feels like she’s SETTLING.
BUT, if you know how to make a woman feel that amazing and unique emotion called ATTRACTION, then you will be in control of your dating success… and YOU can decide on and control what happens to you.
A man who has his life together and actually understands how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION is FAR more rare than a beautiful woman.
Think about that.
An exceptional man who understands ATTRACTION is FAR more rare, valuable, and desirable than even the most BEAUTIFUL woman.
If you don’t believe me, then ASK some beautiful women how many men like this they’ve known in their lifetimes.
They’ll count them all on one hand.
And the best part, in my personal opinion, is that it doesn’t take any unusual talents, physical attributes, or large sums of money to learn these skills.
All it takes is an understanding of how ATTRACTION works, a desire to learn it, and the discipline to learn, practice, and improve over time.
What’s a good way to get started?
Well, you’re doing it.
I think that reading these newsletters is one of the best ways to get a handle on how to make women feel ATTRACTION.
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About David DeAngelo David DeAngelo is the author of Double Your Dating, and the creator of programs like Advanced Dating Techniques. He has spent the last 15 years educating men on how to improve their dating life, self confidence, and inner game. You can read 22 of his David DeAngelo's best articles here.