The Definative Bar/Club Game
Recently Donovan over at Attraction Chronicles posted this old piece. I thought it would be worth reposting here to introduce you all a little more to natural game. This is his formula for a natural way to meet women.
The Natural Way by Craig
One of the main reasons why I succeed in bars and most go home alone is because I have a system, one that has taken me years to perfect. When I was first starting out in the game I tried all kinds of crazy things to meet women, from giving them business cards to doing card tricks, even trying to hypnotize them! I had a few successes here and there, but what always bothered me was that the techniques just didn’t seem natural. Not to mention the fact that when I ran out of lines I would get run over. I knew there were guys out there who got hoards of women without even trying, and that was my ultimate goal.
A few years ago I had a major realization and I started pulling women like crazy. It came at a very frustrating time in my life, when I was about to throw in the towel and give up on being the guy who has women all over him.
My major turning point came when I decided to throw all I thought I knew about meeting women in the trash. I was so frustrated with the rejections and my weak successes that I decided I was just going to go out and have a FUCKING AWESOME TIME! I decided that if I didn’t come home with anybody it wouldn’t matter anymore, because I would have a blast, and make everyone in the bar have a better night because I was there!
I didn’t get laid that first night, but I met more girls than I ever had before and I could not believe the positive responses I was getting. Girls were picking up on the vibe that I was only there to have a good time, and I was having such a blast that it was contagious! Girls that I talked to early in the night were coming back up to me and striking up conversations!
Its been many years since I first started on my path to mastery, and these days whenever I go out, I meet a lot of women, whether I want to or not! When I set out to write this book I took a hard look at what I do now compared to what I did then, and hopefully what I’ve found will help you to reach your goals faster than I did.
As you know my goal has always been to become a natural seducer, and when I was starting out I tried to watch the guys that got a lot of women in the clubs and learn from them. The problem was that I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what they were doing that was so different. They usually weren’t the best-dressed guys in the house, and almost never the best looking.
It didn’t hit me until I started picking up all kinds of women that there was a distinct format to my style, and that format is the foundation of my success. There are dozens of little things I do to enhance my game, but they alone do not get me laid. You have to bake the cake before you can put on the icing!
The Circle Format
One thing I noticed when I first started doing this is that losers the in a club would stand around and drink and watch, while guys with game would walk around and make things happen. The guys with lots of game would be sitting at a table with different beautiful women around them all night like they were famous. That is where I wanted to be, and I discovered that you have to put a lot of walking and talking to get to there.
The thing I like about most clubs and bars is that they are built in a way that creates a good flow around the inside, and you can usually walk around the whole place in a big circle without having to backtrack. Walking around the club in big circles is the basis of my format, and it’s what you DO when you are walking around that makes all of the difference.
When you first arrive at a venue you have to set a presence for yourself, and it’s important to get in the right state of mind before you walk in. Think of yourself as the owner of the club, because tonight, the place is yours! Say it aloud! Whenever I walk through the doors of a club, I stop, look around, and say ‘MY HOUSE!’
After you are inside and you check you coat, get your drink, etc., start your walk around the club. When you see a girl or group of girls you want to meet, go in and say something funny or interesting that isn’t something they have already heard ten times that night.
An example conversation could go like this:
Me: (serious look) Hey! Are you guys going to like me better the 3rd time you see me?
Girls: Huh? What do you mean?
Me: Well I’ve already walked past you guys twice and you guys haven’t said hi, to me or hello or grabbed my ass or anything! What’s goin on?
Girls: (laughing) Hi my name’s Jen, and this is Carrie. What’s yours?
Me: Craig. Nice to meet you. Now, next time I see you all I’m going to expect a warm welcome!
Here comes the MOST powerful part of this technique. After you exchange a few laughs MOVE ON OUT! This is huge because every other guy they have ever met has leached on at the first sign of acceptance and tried to hang out with them all night! How desperate is that? By ending the conversation first you have shown them that you are a secure guy who doesn’t care if he sees them again, or if they talk to other guys. And why should you? You have many more groups of women to approach!
The whole idea here is to get them laughing, show them you are a fun guy that they would want to hang out with, then leave with them wanting more! In sales this is called a takeaway.
Do the same thing with the next group. If a girl is by herself don’t leave her out of the loop, but don’t use that as an excuse to latch on. If a conversation is going really well with a certain group or girl, it is ok to keep it up, just make sure that you are the one to end it and that you end it while both of you are still laughing and having fun.
This structure eliminates a lot of mistakes and conveys a lot of important things. Lets take a look at what’s going on here, and why this works:
You are showing every woman you meet that you are a fun guy with a great personality.
Since you are only talking to each group for a short time and you are the one that is ending the conversation, you show them that you aren’t desperate for their attention and you create a challenge. You leave them wanting more!
You will be seen talking to lots of women, which will make you look desirable and create competition. This is known as ‘Social Proof’, and creates a presence with everyone around you.
You are creating a familiarity with these women, so the next time you see them, it’s like you are old buds! The hardest part is behind you!
Best of all, this format allows you to meet tons of women while naturally walking around the club having fun. You are going to have a GREAT time and meet LOTS of people!
I relate this structure to fishing, because it reminds me a TV special I saw once on sharks. When scientists want to catch some sharks to study, they dump a bunch of blood and fish guts in the water to get them all riled up. There’s no real meat in there, but it lets the sharks know that there is something around, and it gets them alert and looking for food.
This is what you’re doing with your initial approach and takeaway. You are letting the girls know you’re in the house and that you are different from the rest of the guys, and you keep them wanting more. I think they said it best in the movie ‘Swingers’Ã‚Â. It’s all about letting the girls know that you’re money and you’re ready to party!
Starting the Frenzy
By the time you are finished with lap number one you will probably have talked to 10-20 girls, some alone and some in groups. There is no set time frame for how long this should take, because every club is different and some conversations will last longer than others. Sometimes I will finish my first lap without doing any approaches because there are no hot women in the bar. In those cases the first lap is usually my last!
On your second go-round you are going to see a few or all of the girls you met on the first pass, depending on the size of the club. Of course some of them will be in the bathroom, on the dance floor, gone home, etc., but new girls are always emerging to take their places. Don’t get lazy and leave them out of the fun!
The girls that you are seeing for the second time already have a good impression of you, and now they’ve seen you talking with lots of other women, so they view you not only as ok to be seen with, but also as desirable to the opposite sex. I don’t need to tell you that this is a good thing!
Now that you have gotten things brewing, it’s time to pull out the bait and see if she grabs it! Your bait is what you do when you see a girl or group of women you have already approached. The goal here is to have a conversation start naturally, like it would if you had met them before.
Your bait can be the same type of thing you did the first time (Eg. Get her laughing with a joke about something in the club, tell a short funny story, ask her a question, etc.) or something on a smaller scale, like a look and a smile. Other things you could do would be to give her a high five, touch her glass with yours as you walk by and say ‘cheers’, or my personal favorite, and accuse
her of following you, and tell her to stop!
From now on every time you see her throw her some kind of bait and see if she grabs on to it. By throwing the bait you are giving her an easy way to start talking to you, and that is what you are waiting for. For instance, if you make a joke, see if she makes a funny comment back. If you touch her glass and say ‘cheers’, she might ask you what you’re drinking. She may say something unrelated to your bait, like ‘Nice necklace’ or ‘Where did you get that ring?’ If she asks you a question it’s always a good sign. One that I here all of the time is, ‘You look familiar’ ‘Where do I know you from?’ To this I answer, ‘Do you watch adult movies?’
If she doesn’t take the bait keep on walking! Some girls will take the bait right away and a conversation will start naturally, and other conversations might not happen until you have seen them 5 or 6 six times. That’s a good thing, because every time you see her you are reminding her about you and building anticipation.
The most important thing you are doing here that most guys miss is that you are setting yourself up as a challenge. People don’t value what they don’t have to work for, and to most women, especially attractive women, men are too easy!
Imagine if you were a beautiful woman, and you had guys kissing your ass and begging to be with you your entire life. It gets old fast, and when a woman like this meets a man who doesn’t put her on a pedestal and makes her chase after him, it drives her crazy!
Every woman loves a challenge, and this will separate you from 99% of the guys out there. Ask a few girls you know about this, and ask them to describe how a man can be a challenge to them. You will gain some really valuable insight.
The familiarity that this method creates is one of the reasons why it is so effective. If you do your job on the first contact with a new girl, or group of girls, the next time you see them they will remember you and all of their walls will have come down.
This plays a HUGE part when you are dealing with groups, because when women go out they will naturally try to keep their friends together and keep them from getting hit on. If you approach the group as a whole a few times and show them what type of person you are, it will make it much easier to isolate your target when that time comes. Instead of the girls being cautious about their friend leaving, they will be jealous!
Reeling in the Fish
After a few rounds in the club you are probably going to have a one or two women that you have a really good feeling about. Maybe the two of you had a great conversation, maybe she ‘accidentally’ touched your arm a few too many times, or maybe she is just the hottest woman you’ve talked to all night. Either way, it’s time to close the deal!
Now that you have it narrowed down it’s ok to seek your woman out, and the sooner the better. Make sure you stick with the bait formula. When you find her say something funny, ask her a question, or make a comment about something to give her the opportunity to start a conversation.
If she’s with her group of friends, it’s time to isolate her and make your move! You don’t have to take her away from her friends completely, but it is important to get into a one-on-one conversation with her.
Remember, the main reason her friends may try to ‘cockblock’ is because they aren’t sure if their friend is into you and they want to ‘save’ her. Hopefully when you were making your rounds you talked to the group as a whole, or they at least saw their friend give you a positive reaction. This familiarity will give you a big advantage.
It’s always good to end a conversation first, and a great way to do it is to say, ‘Hey it was nice meeting you, I’m gonna catch up with my friends. Maybe I’ll see you later.
Saying ‘maybe’ is very important. It shows that you don’t care if you do see her again, and it leaves her wondering if you will. If you say, I’ll catch up with you later, she knows that she is gonna see you again and it removes part of the mystery and the challenge that women need to feel attraction.
On Group Approaches and Cock Blocks
If a girl is with her friends but they are out of earshot or already talking to others, it is ok to single her out and talk to her by herself. If her friends come back and interrupt don’t worry about it. It’s their job to watch out for their friend. Think nothing of it and include her friends in the conversation.
If one of her friends completely captures her attention for more than a few seconds, don’t stand around like a puppy! If you were just throwing a little bait and the two of you hadn’t really started talking yet, keep right on walking without saying anything. If the conversation was flowing nicely you can do one of two things.
Your first option is to end the conversation as you normally would, but shorten it to, ‘Maybe I’ll see you later’ and walk away. If it’s really on or it’s getting late and your not sure if you will see her again, turn away at least 90 degrees and do something. Light a smoke, order a drink, check your phone, etc, and wait for HER to come back to YOU. If she doesn’t come back, either start talking to someone else or walk away. When you see her again she will respect you for being your own person and not waiting around like a chump.
The nice thing about this cycle is that it doesn’t limit itself to one night, because you are always meeting new girls and throwing bait to old ones. I used to live in a smaller town with only 3 bars, and at the end of every night there would be certain girls that I had talked too only once and others that I had talked too 3 or 4 times a night for months.
Some of the girls would come around eventually and we would end up hooking up, while others became great bar buddies that would introduce me to their cute girlfriends! Damn I love this stuff!
When I moved to a bigger city I thought it would be different since there are literally hundreds of bars here, but I learned that every town has it’s own bar scene and you will always run into a lot of the same people. The cycle continues!
The Natural Way
When I go out to a club I look like a normal, social guy that happens to get a lot of women. No one would ever label me a ‘Lounge Lizard’ or a ‘Pimp’ because to the untrained eye and the women around, it appears as though I am just hanging out like everyone else, and having a little bit more fun. This is very important because if a woman thinks you are a pick up artist and you do this all the time, you will have to work ten times harder to make it happen.
I have a friend that I go out clubbing with all of the time, but we never really talk about techniques since we have very different styles. He overheard me explaining this method to someone and said, You mean you are actually doing something when you are walking around like that? And I hit the town with this guy all the time!
This format is designed to be a natural way to meet women. If you want to grab a drink or have a smoke along the way, feel free. You are there to have a great time! If you run into some of your buddies, by all means stay and have a beer. If you run into some girls that you know, stay and chat longer because the other girls in the club will see you (social proof) and your girlfriends may know some cuties that you should meet!
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.