Can You Program Yourself to Meet Women

Here is a good DeAngelo post that follows the theme of the last few days on building inner game. David’s great E-book Double Your Dating lays a great foundation for improving inner game.

Improving Inner Game by David DeAngelo

In this newsletter we’re going to deal with possibly the BIGGEST problem guys run into with women.

I’d like to talk a bit about how we program ourselves and become programmed when it comes to dealing with women… as well as how to overcome the negative programming that we often don’t even recognize within ourselves.

Let me ask you a few questions. Take a moment to think about the answers… maybe even write them down.

1) When it comes to women, do you have an overall “positive” outlook towards your success? Do you believe that there is “abundance” when it comes to women, and that you can go out at any time and get a date if you want to? Why or why not?

2) Do you have any negative beliefs or programming when it comes to the idea of APPROACHING women you’d like to meet or asking women out on dates? Do you believe that you’re going to be intruding or annoying a woman if you approach her? Do you believe that a woman will most likely accept or reject a date request from you?

3) Have you CHOSEN the beliefs and attitudes that you have towards women, or have they been “chosen for you” by others, situations, programming, TV, the media, etc.?

4) Would you like to change some of the attitudes and beliefs that you hold in your mind? If so, which ones and what would you like to change them to?

If you’re like most guys I know who would like to improve their success with women, then you probably have one or two “negative programs” in your subconscious mind (if you’re like I used to
be before I learned the things I know now, then you might have A LOT of them).

I can remember when I used to believe that women would be VERY offended or alarmed if I tried to strike up an unexpected conversation with them…

I can remember feeling that if a woman rejected me in front of other people that I WOULD DIE of embarrassment.

I can remember thinking, “Why would a woman find ME attractive?” And believing that the truly desirable, beautiful women out there just wouldn’t find a guy like me interesting or attractive because I wasn’t rich, tall, famous, buff, or of royal descent.

And as a matter of fact, even though I’ve spent literally YEARS reprogramming myself and learning as much as I could about women and attraction, I still know that somewhere deep in my subconscious mind this old programming exists. Of course, it doesn’t affect my behavior the way it used to, but my point is that once you program yourself or open yourself to programming from others and from our modern culture, it’s sometimes a challenge to overcome that programming and go on to be successful.

Let me give you a little Tough Love:



If you learn how to meet and date the kinds of women that you’ve always wanted, it won’t matter to anyone. Your friends won’t think you’re any
cooler (well, maybe a little), your mom won’t stop nagging you, your boss won’t pay you more money, and you won’t lose that extra 10 pounds that you’ve needed to lose for the past 10 years.

It just doesn’t matter. No one cares.


And the only one that’s going to be able to do anything about this programming that we’re talking about IS YOU.

Your buddies aren’t going to come over tomorrow night and say, “Hey, you know, I’ve been thinking about it. You really need to do something about your subconscious programming in the area of women and dating, and I’d like to help you.”

Your mom isn’t going to call you up and say, “You know, dear, I’ve been thinking about it, and I really put some bad ideas in your mind about how to treat women… I’d like to address those things in this call and help you become the mac daddy you’ve always wanted to be.”


You’re not going to get a call from the guys that run the ads that say, “Show her that you love her by spending five grand on a pair of diamond earrings” to tell you that the ads really aren’t
true and that no amount of diamonds will help you meet women if you’re programmed to act like a WUSSY.

It just ain’t gonna happen that way.

If you want to do something about your programming and your success, you’re going to have to DO IT ALL YOURSELF.

Here, let me say that again… just in case you didn’t get it…


And what’s the best way to do it yourself?

This is a fantastic question…

There are a lot of ways to get it going, but I have a few favorites… and since we only have a little time together in this newsletter, I’ll get right to the point…

1) Look around and pay careful attention to what’s REALLY going on. Just like a comedian looks at the fine details and tells stories about things that we never see… but are right there in front of us, you need to look closer.

Here’s a little story.

I was in Vegas awhile back for a visit. I hadn’t been to Vegas in about 4 years, so everything seemed new to me… there were about 5 huge new hotels that had just opened, and I spent
the day walking around and just seeing the sights.

As I walked around, I looked at the people… and especially at the couples. I’m not sure if it was because I was looking at all of the new sights or what, but for some reason I was really noticing a lot of little details… and I was paying special attention to the couples that were strolling around on the strip.

It’s always amazing to me how attractive women will be with guys of all shapes, sizes, and ages…

When you really look around and pay attention to what’s actually going on, you’ll be amazed.

And you don’t have to be in Vegas to see this phenomenon yourself. Just go out on a Friday night and look around.

Now, before you say, “Yeah, but if you’re rich or handsome or tall you’ll get more chicks”, I will acknowledge that these things can provide certain advantages, but they’re not NEAR the level
of advantage that WOMEN get from being physically attractive… not even close, actually.

The more I pay attention, learn and try things, the more I realize that women respond to PERSONALITY far more than they respond to LOOKS.

I’ve even made it a point to ask guys who are tall, handsome, etc., if they believe that their success with women comes from those things. Almost universally they tell me that their ATTITUDES and SKILLS are far more important than their looks.

I’ve also met a lot of tall, good-looking guys at my seminars who have INCREDIBLE problems meeting women. The more experience I have with this, the more I realize just how little LOOKS has to do with the equation.

You’ve probably read some of these newsletters where good looking guys write in and say, “I’m buff, good looking, and I have women talking to me all the time, but I can’t get any dates… they
only like me as a friend.”

So, part of this step is for you to take a day or so and go out in public… to a place that is PACKED with people, and look around at the couples. Look with your own two eyes and see all
of the attractive women that are with guys who are NOT what you would consider to be “physically attractive.”

You need to see with your own eyes what’s going on in the REAL world.

This is a big step in changing some of your programming.

2) Watch some guys who are successful with women.

One of the best things I’ve ever done is make friends with some REALLY SUCCESSFUL guys (I’m talking about success with women here). As a matter of fact, most of the techniques that I’ve
learned, developed, and write about originally started out as something I got from friends by watching them interact with women.

When you watch guys who know how to make women feel that magical emotion called “ATTRACTION”, you’ll start to see the patterns in their behavior, and the patterns in the responses from

Nothing can replace watching a guy walk up to a woman, start talking to her, and walk away 5 minutes later with her number.

So make some new friends if you have to. Just do what it takes to watch some guys interact with women. It’s a big one.

3) Stop looking for a “magic pill”. Realize that you’re going to have to CONSTANTLY learn and improve.

I know, I know. You’d like to take a pill and have this whole part of your life handled.

You’d like a computer chip implanted in your brain that will change you into a chick-magnet.

Well, until these things exist, you’re going to have to do it the old fashioned way… you’re going to have to actually DO SOMETHING.

At first, it might seem a little uncomfortable. You might feel weird going out to a bar alone just to look at the people.

But don’t worry, no one will care (remember what I said earlier… nobody cares whether or not you’re successful, only you do).

The more you improve, the more you’ll WANT to improve, and the easier it will become.

Read books, try things, experiment. Keep a journal, write down what works and what doesn’t, think about the things you’d like to change and write them down.


If you do these things, you’ll begin to REPROGRAM YOURSELF and change your negative programming into POSITIVE programming and success.

Read reviews of David’s ebook here


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About David DeAngelo David DeAngelo is the author of Double Your Dating, and the creator of programs like Advanced Dating Techniques. He has spent the last 15 years educating men on how to improve their dating life, self confidence, and inner game.  You can read 22 of his David DeAngelo's best articles here.