Another great post by Derek Vitalio. This newsletter he sent out deals with breaking through that barrier that many “ice queens” put up. Interesting!
Don’t Be Boring by Derek Vitalio
Have you ever met the ice queen? The closer? The Top Gun foxy lady who seems like she could shoot down any and all comers ? and generally does so before things get so far as ?hi?
You can learn a lot from these women. They are generally beautiful, very sharp, very confident. Chances are they are successful in their chosen field. Chances are most men wet their pants in a combination of desire and fear just being near one.
Chances are also great that, if you can get past the initial frost, youll find a COMPLETELY different person underneath.
As a matter of fact, Im giving you an assignment. Next time you see one, go up to her and say this: Excuse me, I dont want to bother you, but I know you are a warmer and sensitive person underneath your harsh exterior. Im not trying to pick you up, but Im trying to learn; why do you present this face to the world when you have a much friendlier one?
If you can do that, congratulations. You already are gutsier than 99% of the men out there, and that kind of gumption will eventually be rewarded.
Just probably not this time. Thats alright. This is a LEARNING mission ? and youll do better if you consider MOST of your interactions with ladies the same way. It takes away the hard sell. It tends to relax women.
Oh, theres a chance youll run into a lady who simply is a born bitch, in which case look out. More likely shell quickly size you up, and decide whether she wants to talk or not.
If the initial gambit is enough to get past her guard, youll learn some interesting things. Shell likely complain about men ALWAYS PESTERING her, ANNOYING her, and generally getting in her way.
She just wants to live her life, but it keeps getting interrupted by these ANNOYING guys who say things like Gosh youre beautiful and expect a date and more in return.
So she developed a technique. She put on the ice mask, and most men get intimidated and turn heel. If she feels an uncomfortable stare, one glare can reduce a man to shoe study. Sure, sometimes it gets lonely, but she has a close group of friends who made it through her guard either because they were bold, exceptional, both, or caught her at the right time.
You know what, Im probably not telling you anything you havent thought about yourself. But getting it from the horses mouth, if you can pull it off, has a special quality.
Something you might NOT know, though, is that ALL beautiful women have the same guard up. They all dislike being annoyed by men, although many dont go to the extreme of trying to shut out the world.
She might smile and laugh little patronizing laughs and SEEM open, but if you arent penetrating her skin and creating ATTRACTION, shes just being polite. Its not going anywhere.
At least the ice queens are honest about that.
When women are approached by men and they find it annoying, yes, some of that comes from being genuinely annoyed. But MOST of it comes from BOREDOM.
They’ve been approached by hundreds of guys the past MONTH and most of them say the same safe things over and over. Youre stunning. Can I buy you a drink? Id like to take you out. "Is your father a thief?
Its flattering at first, and does continue to be in a way. But it gets OLD in a hurry. So ALL women ? even those less than gorgeous ? come up with a system for disqualifying guys from the mate category in a hurry.
Some just try to cut all contact to a minimum. The ice queen.
Some nod and smile appropriately while thinking about what theyll wear tomorrow, waiting for the right moment to extricate themselves. The polite send-off.
Some play a game with men, enjoy using them for whatever they can get, with no intention of getting romantic. The player. Or tease.
Some actually try to stay engaged with everyone. They invariably go insane, as anyone would.
There are plenty of other types of beauties as well, but they ALL have a guard to protect them from the swarms of horny boring men that plague them.
Why am I telling you this? Its not to get you scared of all beautiful women, although that might be a natural reaction.
Im telling you this because there IS a way to never deal with the guard, to bypass it or bring it down before it really ever revs up.
There is a way to get noticed.
Think back to our hypothetical conversation with the ice queen. What is that she hates? The ANNOYANCE of intrusions by BORING men that waste her time.
Simple then isnt it? DONT BE BORING.
There are thousands of ways to not be boring. You can challenge her, make her laugh, delve into psychological truths that she doesnt know she transmits anything.
The KEY is not to say things she hears EVERY DAY.
Better yet, if you can tell her something shes NEVER heard, youll get her attention.
Remember the opener we talked about for getting an ice queen to open up? The surprise and jolt shell get from that approach will often be enough to get her talking to you. And she WOULDNT talk to you if she didnt find you in some way INTERESTING.
Interest and attraction are brothers of one another. They are drinking buddies. They are inseparable. Sure, you might occasionally see one without the other, but its the exception.
Say that you’ve got an ice queen opening up a little bit. You then say something like "I know it can be very lonely being a beautiful woman, having to shut yourself off, protect yourself. She MIGHT get defensive. More likely you’ll discover a COMPLETELY different woman. One who just melted. One who is ready to SEE you.
Thats what I said. So often a man gets discouraged because he feels a woman rejected him, but she never actually SAW him. He never said anything to distinguish himself from all the other men a 10 has had to deal with over the years, so hes nothing but a category. Hes an attempt, a pick-up style, a CLICHE.
If you can grab her attention early, you can separate yourself from that pack. THEN, if you can be funny, confident, relaxed trigger her attraction in more conventional ways, well, you just might have a relationship with a model on your hands.
There is no such thing as a woman thats out of your league, or at least there doesnt have to be. Its mens limiting belief in the myth of leagues that creates the reality, as they get uptight, insecure, and play it SAFE whenever they work up the nerve to approach a knockout.
In other words, they get themselves so worried about shooting high, they shoot themselves in the foot. Thats why when you were younger ? and maybe even now ? its always the women you arent attracted to that are most attracted to you. You arent playing for them, and you probably arent playing it safe – youre being INTERESTING.
Not every Lyle Lovett will marry a Julia Roberts, but PLENTY of AMAZING women date men that, from photos or brief encounters, arent particularly impressive.
Dont see that as frustrating. See it as inspirational.
For most women, it doesnt MATTER that much what you look like, what your job is, or all the other qualifications our conscious mind uses to construct an ideal mate.
What MATTERS is if you trigger attraction in her limbic brain. And the only thing that can really stop you is if YOU cement a womans guard by being BORING.
Boring is worse than insulting. Not that I suggest it, but you can dig yourself out of a hole created by being insulting. All it takes is some well-placed humor.
But there is no recovery from boring. You wont get the hottest girl. You wont get many at all. You might get the mousy librarian, but shes likely too imaginative for a snorer.
If you can be INTERESTING, though ? that means NOT playing it safe, NOT tiptoeing around women, but letting your WIT FLY ? then that whole ?league myth disappears. Youre in the big leagues now. There are none higher.
Of course you might be worried that you ARENT very interesting, or arent particularly witty or funny. DONT.
EVERYONE is interesting if in the right context ? you just need to learn how to create your context. Humor, contrary to popular belief, can be learned (thats why little kids arent usually very funny, at least in a laugh WITH way). Wit can start out as nothing more than good preparation.
If you want to learn how to be the intriguing gentleman that all the ladies want to know more about, you can spend years of trial and error. Or you can go on a month-long expedition to mount K-2 and figure out how to weave a good tale out of your experiences.
Or you can learn a few simple techniques that Ive developed over years of my own investigations into attraction. For less than the cost of one nice date, I can share my own experiences and what Ive found works best in different situations. Ill help you develop your confident, relaxed, INTERESTING and WITTY side. Check out my site, Seduction Science, and see which ebook or audio CD feels right for where you are in your relationships.
Until next time.
Word-For-Word Lines For
In this FREE Manuscript:
We respect your email privacy
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.