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Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal


How many times have you heard this phrase??? If you’re still doing it read Derek Vitalio’s latest newsletter below.

Don’t Put the Pussy on a Pedestal by Derek Vitalio

Today we`re going to talk about tragedy. What a downer, but it`s gotta be done.

We`re going to talk about The Tragedy of the Self-Defeating Man. Catchy title, this might not be so bad.

Something that tends to happen with ALL men and especially those who haven`t had as much success with women  is they get stuck on ONE woman.

I don`t mean they get trapped in a monogamous relationship that is unhealthy. That`s a different newsletter.

Today, we`re going to talk about the man who never GETS to the romantic level with a woman. And it drives him batty. It makes him try even HARDER to get her, and he`ll try again and again until she can`t stand the thought of him.

It`s a natural reaction. Humans hate rejection. Faced with one, NOTHING feels better than reversing it. We get into a competition with whatever man we imagine she`s waiting for, and we`re NOT going to lose.

And I think of baseball.

In baseball, unlike most other sports, you need to be relaxed to succeed. You can`t be too concerned about any one at bat, or you literally choke the bat. You lose your fluidness, you lose your rhythm, you tense up, and you wind up choking yourself.

Women are the same way. If you strike out, the WORST thing you can do is try NOT to strike out again. The BEST thing you can do is take your next at-bat like you would in a batting cage. Relaxed and allowing your swing to be natural.

Ok, this metaphor has gone too far. Let`s get back to simple reality.

When a guy fails to get romantic with a woman he`s attracted to and he becomes MORE determined to get her, he winds up suffocating her with attention. He chases her, and what do we do when we`re chased?

We run away.

Worse, the woman gets built up in the guy`s mind to this elusive perfect creature, and the rejection sting just gets WORSE the more time and thought he puts into her. He feels MORE attraction, and the more he feels, the farther away she runs.

Enough tragedy, let`s get healthy.

First, the woman is almost CERTAINLY not as great as you think she is. You start off attracted physically, but the more beautiful women you meet, the more you realize they are as screwed up as everyone else. Sometimes more, because they wind up with a skewed view of the world because of their beauty.

What`s more, people always try to put their best foot forward when first meeting someone, and you can wind up with a more positive image than the complete reality warrants.

Combine your pedestal view of the woman with the need to overcome rejection and the forbidden fruit, you wind up with an unhealthy obsession that just drives the woman away and makes you miserable.

You can know all this and still do it, so you need to remind yourself often.

A woman who is attractive, intelligent, sane, and has her life together is REALLY rare. You can date a different woman every night for a year and not find one. And you CERTAINLY aren`t going to know if the current woman you are interested in is one of these rare creatures until you`ve spent a LOT of time with her.

And you`ll NEVER find out if you spend all your time chasing her away.

The solution? RELAX. Let go of love-at-first-sight dreams  if it happens, then there won`t be any rejections to worry about anyway. MOST of the time we`re dealing with lust-at-first-sight, and we get confused about it as other emotions push us into pursuit.

When a woman isn`t interested, the healthiest thing you can do for BOTH of you is to say that most powerful word, you know the one, all together now:


Forcing yourself on a woman NEVER works. It doesn`t have to be the creepy afternoon special forcing yourself either, just PUSHING too hard is a major turn-off.

You need to remember that the girl you`re thinking about, most likely, ISN`T as special as you think. There are PLENTY of others out there, and plenty of THEM WILL be interested in you.

Why waste your time on one who isn`t?

The best thing you can do is go out and meet tons of women. As you have more success you`ll get a better grasp of what kinds of women are out there. You`ll also start to realize that, as perfect as one might seem at first, rarely does that impression last forever.

IF you`ve been out with numerous women AND you`re seeing one who seems like everything you`ve ever wanted AND you still think that after months of dating, great. You`ve found her.

But UNTIL you`ve done that, you really can`t know. So let that logical brain supercede the emotional one and realize your early impressions AREN`T THAT ACCURATE.

That`s no fault of yours. You just don`t have enough data points to really know who she is.

But while this is all very logical, it doesn`t really help the EMOTIONAL aspect, which almost always rules us humans no matter how much we try to argue it down.

So the key is to AVOID THE EMOTIONAL from the get-go. Stop yourself from prematurely getting emotionally involved.

Learn to say NEXT from the beginning. Don`t look at each new woman you meet as a potential ANYTHING except a learning experience. When you finally DO meet a woman who meets your highest expectations, you`ll know it`s REAL because she had to convince you.

If you stop yourself from getting emotionally attached, it`s much easier to let a woman who`s not interested go.

Once you`re emotionally invested, it`s tough to let go, even if you KNOW that it`s based on nothing but your own WANT and has nothing to do with her.

You want an exercise, do you? Ok, here`s an easy one. The next five women you are attracted to, talk to them. Establish rapport. Do everything you would do if you wanted to create attraction.

And then let her go. DON`T pursue her at all, don`t get a number, just take mental notes of what works well and what doesn`t, so you can use it in future interactions. Which should happen in the same frame  each approach is just practice for the next.

Oddly enough, you`ll find that nonchalance has an ENCHANTING affect on women, and you might have some start to show a lot of interest in you.

Refuse them! That`s right, I`m telling you to turn down sex, if it comes to that. I`m an evil evil sensei.

If one winds up so desperate that you just can`t help it, then when you progress romantically, remember that YOU are doing HER the favor. You`re breaking a disciplined practice to satiate this begging lady.

What a gallant guy you are, eh?

Carry this attitude around, and you should be able to avoid the irrational attachment to the ones who get away. No more tragedy. Hello happy aesthetic life full of women who want to be near you. Instead of YOU chasing THEM and driving them away, you want to get THEM chasing YOU.

All it takes is changing the frame of your interactions. Don`t chase. They`ll be so surprised  all men chase these women  that they`ll wind up intrigued and, eventually, they WILL chase you.

And that`s when you can get picky.

Maybe I`m not such an evil sensei after all.

REMEMBER, you aren`t going to know what a woman is really like on that first meeting. Unless you study psychology, communication and hidden behavior in-depth, the best foot forward and the real foot back are just too different to be seen immediately.

Of course, you CAN pick my brain, as I`ve done a lot of study and I can pass on some of what I`ve learned. You can find everything you need to get your game up to par in my course, Seduction Science.

Continue practicing relaxed confidence to radically improve your game and the quality of women you bring into your life.

Until Next Time,

Derek Vitalio

About MikeStoute

Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me

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Let's face it.  Girl's don't make it easy for you.  She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty.  If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.

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  1. Jay

    October 21, 2010 at 7:02 am

    excellent advice, thanks

  2. Adamantus

    September 2, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Usual stuff guys come up with, I stopped reading about half way through. I think the biggest problem with the article is that it makes too many assumptions about where guys currently are. For example it makes the assumption that you have chased women away with your advances.

    Essentially, some men respect or honour a woman too much and put them on a pedastool, sometimes they think of them like dirt as well. Essentially like with all life a balance is needed. How to acquire that balance is the information I’ve been searching for. Naturally I don’t want to think less of them so what is the truth?

    • Anonymous

      February 12, 2012 at 10:16 am

      mind fuck
      🙁 🙁 🙁

      • CLuckyC

        June 15, 2012 at 5:04 am

        There is no objective truth, and that is exactly what this article is about. It is what you yourself make of it. As this article tries to explain, you can control how you feel about a woman, and it is healthier this way because it allows you to get to know the girl better before you start seeing her as ‘the perfect human being’.
        As for me, I love and respect women, but I don’t think it is healthy to view them as being better than yourself. Even worse, it will probably scare the woman off. So I think you should genuinely like women, but not allow yourself to get too emotionally attached beforehand.

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