Relaxed Playfulness – The Master Key of Attraction

Another good article from Derek Vitalio on the imortant topic of playfulness. If you don’t know how to be playful you’ll come across as boring- bobby

How to Flirt with Women with playfulness by Derek Vitalio

Alright, so now you are mad confident, you walk the walk, you talk the talk (a bit), and you are ready to be a lady killer, right?

Not so fast bud.

Relaxed confidence will get you far “ farther than anything else Im going to teach you “ but if you want to REALLY make it work, you need to refine it.

Think of hunting. Going out exuding relaxed confidence is like spraying the field with buck shot. Sure, youll hit a lot of targets “ it sure beats a slingshot “ and you might even bring some down, but its not the most effective method.

You want a sniper rifle. You want to focus your efforts to a high degree, and take careful aim.

You want to focus your relaxed confidence to make it more powerful.

What do I mean? I dont mean you want to focus yourself on one woman “ early on, thats extremely counter-productive “ but I mean you should present your relaxed confidence in the most attractive, powerful way there is.


You dont only want a womans respect, you want her having fun.

You dont only want admiration, you want magnetism.

You shouldnt stop at being a powerful figure, you need to be an ATTRACTIVE one.

And being playful does all this.

Remember when we talked about how you CANT be boring? How you need to create a relaxed fun atmosphere that fosters trust and intimacy?

Thats what were talking about now. If you can get a woman laughing while shes relaxed and comfortable with you “ AND admiring your manly confidence “ then you create that magical formula. You trigger her ATTRACTION and make an atmosphere where shes willing to act on it.

Ok, lets get to the good stuff. How do you create this great atmosphere?

This may be surprisingly easy. In fact, you probably do this all the time.

Think about it: how often do you rag on your friends? How often do you press their buttons, or just share laughs about funny or strange stuff?

Uh huh, I thought so. All the freaking time.

Well, thats all youve gotta do. Most guys, when they find an attractive woman, they turn into vanilla inoffensive blah men who just hope they wont say the wrong thing.

Guess what? THAT is exactly the wrong thing. You may think youre being nice, but women will sniff your abnormal behavior a mile away. To them, it FEELS like a lie. It feels like youre just interested in getting in her pants. Youve started to chase her “ so you shouldnt be surprised when she starts to run away.

Treat her like one of the fellas, and youll avoid that whole creepy pick-up feel. You wont activate her defenses, and youll foster comfort.

From there, you need to be fun.

TEASE. This is HUGE. It shows you arent intimidated by her, and it keeps your conversation light and playful. You might even get her taking the half-truth theory of comedy to heart, and trying to impress you.

Dont show her too much attention, either. If youre in a group, feel free to ignore her now and again. She might try to spark your attention by flirting with other guys.

LET her. You KNOW that its you shes after, and shes just trying to get a rise out of you. Dont give it to her. In fact, tease her about THAT. Wow, youre so in love and intimidated by me, the only way you can communicate is by trying to make me jealous? You know, that would work if I was in middle school.

Have FUN with it. In fact, thats what makes this so easy “ you will know immediately whether youre on the right track or not by how much fun YOU are having. If youre feeling stress, its not working. If youre having a laugh, things are good.

It takes a little time to make this work “ most men feel nervous when talking to an attractive woman. Practice relaxing. Create an anchor.

An anchor? When you are doing your relaxation exercises clearing your mind, do something with your body, a trigger. Click your tongue, or run it over your teeth. Wiggle your pinky three times. Whatever, just link it to that relaxed feeling.

Right before you approach a woman close your eyes and make the same motion. Trigger that relaxation in yourself like a Pavlovian dog salivating at a bell. Its incredibly silly and works incredibly well.

Then, just let yourself have fun.

If you dont think of yourself as a naturally funny person, believe it or not, you can learn humor. The biggest thing is pointing out absurdities. Teasing. TEASING. Dont be mean, but dont be shy either. If she asks you to do something, say to her friends (PLAYFULLY) Is she always this pushy? Man, how do you put up with her? If her dancing is atrocious, say (SARCASTICALLY) I see we have a new Lord of the Dance! When she asks for your number, say Boy, you work fast. I barely know you! Let me guess, youre just looking for fresh body to stalk and it doesnt even matter who I am. Well, I am more than just a body! I am a complex combination of experiences, emotions, and thoughts here, dont call before 6 pm, I need my beauty sleep.

Thats not so hard, is it? Ok, time to get to work. Think of all the situations where you might meet women, and make a page in your journal for each. What do you find there? Crazy clothes and dancing for clubs, food and money for supermarkets, art for museums you get the idea.

Next, come up with funny remarks for each subject. (Those times you thought of the perfect thing to say after the fact? It works better before.) Try them out (natch). Refine and perfect them. Make notes of anything you come up with on the fly, or things you hear others say that work.

Make a special section just for teasing women. You might make some mistakes and go too deep too fast from time to time, turning a woman off (although you can recover from this if you keep your head and follow up with something funny). Make plenty of notes about what works, and what sort of things can get you out of a hole.

Well go more in depth with the topic of conversation later, but for now its enough that you indoctrinate yourself into the playful attitude. Fool around with it, and make sure you keep it as play. If youre sweating over this, take a break and work on other areas. You need to be relaxed for this to work (or else you run the risk of coming off as a colossal prick), and if you arent, then come back to it later when you are more comfortable.

Combined with relaxed confidence, a relaxed playfulness is the best attitude you can have, and creates the best atmosphere possible.

If you want to experience where relaxed playfulness can take you with the women of your dreams, check out my Seduction Science System. It is jam packed with everything you need to take your seduction skills to the next level.


Derek Vitalio

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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