How To Escalate Any Conversation
Here is another episode from Stephen Nash. Stephen has a great ebook out called “How to Get a Girlfriend” it is definately worth checking out. Well, the article below is all about escalation. This is an area that we can always improve on.
Escalating Conversation by Stephen Nash
Welcome to Master Class #9.
I trust your enjoying your experiences, if not, shoot me an email
and let me know what I can do to help.
How do you know when to take things to the next level?
How to know when to “make the move”?
This is a problem every guy sweats.
In fact, I know a handful of guys who lose sleep over this prior to
going out with a girl. Wouldn’t you like a clear and easy plan to
navigate these special moments? Read on.
I want to cover a few things while going through this topic of ‘How
To Escalate’. All of them require you to pay attention, and lead
the interaction. Typically, when in an intimate situation, women
look to men to lead this process. The first thing you should be
paying attention to is body language.
You will need to gauge her comfort level by observing her body
language, and by listening to what she says. The basic rule of
thumb is to not give her any more energy (via body language) than
she is giving with hers and in the meantime create comfort by
talking, listening, and expressing humor, encouraging her to open
up to you. When she does so, reward her with changing your body
language too, slowly leading her physically into more and more
For example, say you are both sitting on the sofa and you notice
that her legs are crossed AWAY from you. What we teach is to also
cross yours away from her, and then, after a few moments of comfort
building, cross your legs TO her. If you have earned her trust, she
will, as a result of greater rapport, cross her legs to you. See
that? This principle applies to all potential scenarios. The idea
is to meet her where she is, then lead her from that into a more
You will want to slow down your speech, and soften your voice when
escalating. This may be obvious to some of you guys, but women are
very responsive to changes in sound. Again, if you do this at the
right time, you will, just by using your voice, LEAD her into
greater intimacy – her voice will slow down, and soften… you lean
in to hear her, get closer… see where this leads?
Pacing her reality
If you sense her getting uncomfortable for any reason pace her
reality and acknowledge that you are sensitive to the moment. When
you pace someone’s reality, you exhibit understanding for their
situation, you build a connection there, stabilizing the energy.
Then, you simply build back to where you were, and continue to
escalate. Pacing can be used at any point, particularly where you
feel that she is uncomfortable, or you are uncomfortable. There are
two very good ways to do so:
1) Pace it by simply acknowledging it. “Wow, here we are in my
bedroom, I must say it is a bit uncomfortable to be here with a
completely new person and it must also be kind of different for you
too. Well, since you are a new person in my room, as your
initiation, you must tell a very funny joke.”
So, what have I done here? I have communicated that I am
uncomfortable (which will invariably surprise her), I acknowledge
that I understand her feelings too (notice that I don’t say that
she feels uncomfortable, or weird – I say different – better to
frame her feelings in this way, rather than something so obviously
negative), and then I take her feelings and transfer her discomfort
from being in my room to a challenge to tell a funny joke.
Now she has a different reason to feel uncomfortable, and it is not
about me, but rather about a challenge that I have laid down. Yes, you
can certainly use the line, but better to understand the principle.
So, here is a short definition: pacing = acknowledgement, connection,
and lead away. Cool?
So, how then do you know when to move forward, when to escalate?
Well, you have to begin to notice rhythms that exist socially
between people. There are certain windows of opportunity which open
up when in intimacy. Escalation is on your mind, and it is on hers.
She is wondering if you will, and then, how you will escalate.
What will be on your mind, usually, is that you want to, but how, and
when? You HAVE to pay attention, and you HAVE to be willing to take
the chance. There is a structure I teach in Natural Attraction
which is foolproof, and works every time. This structure is
universal, and is always applicable when it comes to deciding when
to kiss, touch, and advance further into physical intimacy. I don’t
give it away here though.
In my experience, guys typically advance their success with women
drastically after learning some very simple, easy to understand,
facts about dating and female psychology.
All of these are covered in our complete audio program, Natural
Attraction which is guaranteed to dramatically alter how you
perceive women and dating from the moment you begin the first CD.
Listen to a sample clip at my site:
In fact, you can be working your way through it in a matter of days.
The last of the Master Class Series in a few more days,
If you enjoyed these articles I would recommend picking up a copy of his book How to Get a Girlfriend. He goes much further into these concepts… and of course gives away many secrets he’s been holding out on in the free articles.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2014/12/12/the-best-conversation-topics-to-quickly-escalate-sexual-tension/
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.