5 Comfort Phase Mistakes You Can’t Afford To Make
It seems that the guys over at the Mystery Method are finally starting to send out some OAPs worth reading again. This is a great refresher post.
Comfort Building Phase by The Mystery Method
As most of you should know, the Comfort phase is the 5 th and most important phase of the 7-phase Emotional Progression Model.
By the way, if that sentence doesn’t make sense to you, it’s time to get up to speed. The OAP is tackles more advanced topics from time to time, and it assumes that you’ve read and are up to speed with the concepts from Magic Bullets. We try to keep things as simple as we can, but if the science of being able to consistently attract highly-desirable women was easy, everyone would be doing it successfully!
Here’s a quick review of where the Comfort phase fits into the model:
The Comfort phase begins at the point where you and a woman realize that you are attracted to each other. This occurs when you have completed the Attraction phase and the Qualification phase.
It ends (and becomes the Seduction phase) at the point where a woman is comfortable being in a sexual situation with you. A sexual situation is when you and a woman are engaged in some form of sexual activity (touching that goes beyond just kissing) in a place where sex could reasonably happen. Kissing in your bedroom is still comfort. Feeling each other up on the dance floor is still comfort. When clothes are coming off in your living room – you’re in Seduction.
Now, onto the 5 mistakes you can?’t afford to make’
Mistake #1: Confusing Comfort with Attraction
If a woman asks ‘What do you do?’ in the comfort stage, do you
Give her a genuine answer that reflects your identity, draws her into your world, and encourages her to share herself with you?
Do you tease her a little bit, and tell her you’re a spy or you work at Wal-Mart?
The latter choice can be funny and shows that you can be playful and are not seeking her approval. It’s fine for the Attraction phase. It doesn’t work in the Comfort phase. Once you?’re in Comfort, it’s time to make a genuine connection with her, which includes giving her insights into who you are and making her want to do the same.
High-energy material full of DHVs (demonstrations of higher value) is generally less valuable in Comfort. So are attempts to get her interested in you by making her think that you’re not interested in her, as is excessive teasing.
Storytelling also changes dramatically between the two phases. Chapter 17 of Magic Bullets, on Storytelling, specifically goes through the differences between the two types of stories and how to build them.
Have you seen Magic Bullets yet? If not, check out the free sample chapter by following this link
When I see masters like Sinn, Future, The Don, or Tenmagnet with a woman, I can tell instantly from their body language and tonality whether they are in the Attraction phase or the Comfort phase. You should also be developing your Comfort game so that it responds to the needs of the situation, as opposed to treating it as an another Attraction phase. Sinn and Future have more to say about this in their Breakthrough Comfort seminars. If you’re not able to attend any of the dates on the schedule, review Chapter 8 of Magic Bullets.
Mistake #2: Not sustaining attraction or qualification levels
This is the reverse of mistake #1. I think it was Badboy, of Badboy Lifestyles, who first explained the concept of sustaining attraction levels. He compared building initial attraction (what we would call the Attraction phase) to pouring water into a glass. If you leave the glass alone, some of the water evaporates, or the attraction starts to diminish. It has to. You’re not doing all of the attraction-based gamey techniques that you were before. If you are, you’re probably making mistake #1.
So, occasionally, you need to add a bit more water to that glass. Once in a while, do something to make her a bit jealous, or show that you’re a challenge, or remind her about your good qualities. The hint here is once in a while. Attraction material should come at about one-twentieth of the pace that it does in the Attraction phase.
A related insight this time from Sinn? was that qualification works in the same way. As is the case with many of our breakthroughs, this first came out in the Interview Series (click here and scroll down to Volume VIII). This is why guys who are serious about their game subscribe to the interview series. It’s also a heck of a lot cheaper and faster than ordering individual CDs.
In the Qualification phase, you build up her qualification level which means that you make her feel that she has worked to win your attraction and that this attraction is based on something unique and special about her. But if you then stop qualifying her completely, what you did in the Qualification phase will slowly lose its impact and she will lose some of the emotions she had during that phase. So, occasionally, you need to top up her qualification levels and requalify her. Do this with occasional small hoops that she can jump through, and remember to reward and compliment her for doing so.
Mistake #3: Not showing consistent, believable, and genuine interest
What we teach at The Mystery Method is fast. It works very quickly on women. We explicitly stay away from "dating and waiting which is what most other men are doing.
As a February 2005 article in Elle Magazine states:? Desmond Morris, the British zoologist and sexuality expert, admits that the Method is a shrewd compression of the phases of love. One of the great mistakes men make is not playing all the stages of courtship, he says. It has to be done stage by stage if it’s going to work.
The key word here is compression. You can use what we teach to create emotions in women that she normally only feels when she’s known a man for several months, even if its only been several days. But for this to happen, you have to be part of things too.
For example, even if you did everything right when you first met a woman, and you arrange to see her again, but something comes up and you end up only talking on the phone once a week, you will lose emotional momentum. She won’t continue to feel that she is experiencing a whirlwind courtship when the interest from your side is so casual.
The feeling of a whirlwind courtship was a prime motivator for the development of Breakthrough Comfort, Sinn and Future’s step-by-step system of tactics and strategies to consistently succeed in the Comfort phase, even with women who are in your social circle or who have already said let’s just be friends.
An illustration of how fast things work with our teaching can be seen in The Don and Tenmagnet’s revealing interview, The First Five Minutes (click on the link and the scroll down to Volume XIV, our most recent volume). In this CD, they go over everything you should and should not be expecting to do in the crucial first 300 seconds of meeting a woman. Obviously, the Comfort phase doesn’t enter into this much, but it’s a good illustration of our pacing. One of students biggest surprises at bootcamps, and the reason why the first couple of hours of the first night of the bootcamp focuses on students watching instructors demonstrate their techniques live, is around how fast things can really work. This relates to the more advanced concept of emotional momentum (described at the end of Chapter 4 of Magic Bullets).
Mistake #4: Being too serious
A courtship is supposed to be fun. Never underestimate the value of fun (or excitement) for women. If it’s not fun, her positive emotions won’t be engaged, and she won’t associate you with good emotions in her mind.
While you may be screening a woman as a potential girlfriend, this isn’t a job interview.
Don’t take everything she does too seriously (including the occasional change of plans). Don’t make your dates too intense or too serious. Smile. Relax. Most women are enjoying the journey, not obsessing about the destination. You should be too.
Remember also one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about relating to women in a dating context:
Change her mood, not her mind
Mistake #5: Phone game
It will often happen that you are not able to meet a woman and begin a sexual relationship with her in that same meeting. [It will never happen if you don’t try to push the interaction forward, so take this as another reminder to take risks instead of always playing it safe]. Most of the time, further meetings will have to be arranged by telephone.
Phone game is hard. There’s a whole chapter in Magic Bullets on it and a whole interview series CD (Volume X) on it, so we won’t reinvent the wheel here. I’ll just add one major insight:
When yo’re on the phone, use the fact that she can’t see you to your advantage. Record your calls, so you can listen to them after and learn from them. Make a couple notes for yourself before an important call. The fact that she can’t see you makes phone game one area of dating science where it is easiest to improve.
Instead of treading in the dark, download Magic Bullets now and read the whole illuminating chapter on phone game.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.