Stephen Nash on Flirting
Your success with women is largely defined by your ability to flirt. It took me a long time to learn the art of flirting. In the article below Stephen Nash, author of How to get a girlfriend,gives some theory behind successful flirting and then proceeds by giving some examples of flirting. While I`ve more then made up for my early failures with women, I canâ€™t help but to imagine how much better high school would have been if I had been reading books like this and Magic Bullets. Oh well¦.
Good Flirting by Stephen Nash
Did you successfully open a conversation with a woman yesterday?
Did you have any heart-pumping experiences?
In my experience, I’ve found that it’s nowhere near as bad as our
minds think it will be.IMPORTANT:
If you didn’t engage any women yesterday. Stop reading this email.
You need to GO OUT and DO. Just do it naturally, in a normal setting. Perhaps asking her “Do you have the time?” Just get warmed up, and go one step at a time. If you need to, come back to this email after you’ve completed that task. Don’t shortcut you’re success by skipping essential steps!
Seriously, if you didn’t do it. Don’t read on. There is nothing ahead that will help you if you couldn’t engage a woman. It’s in your inbox, just go back and read it, and get out and engage!
On to The Master Class Series: Flirting.
This is one of my FAVORITE skills to learn. Do your conversations tend to lack sexual tension, and border on a job interview?Do you wish you had the flirting power that some of the actor’s have in movies?Do you wonder why some guys have girls hanging off them, and some struggle?
Are you TOO cocky in conversations, and you can feel it working until you hit a nerve and realize… not again?
The essential skill…
1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.
3. To move abruptly or jerkily.
Sexual tension is easily the hardest concept to get when working with men who struggle with women, dating and relationships. Most men lack the ability to understand it, and then how to work with it. The primary way to influence sexual tension is via flirting.
Sexual tension is essentially when there exists polarity, magnetism or, as we like to call it, “attraction”. The largest misnomer that exists is that one can create attraction – this is FALSE. Do I have your attention now? Attraction is based on polarity and magnetism,
NOT on the external elements you are probably obsessed with right now…”what do I say”, “what should I wear”, “how should I stand”…
Now, the only way that I can influence the women that are attracted to me is to enhance my internal self-image first, followed by consistent, deliberate efforts to harmonize that with my lifestyle and personal look.
There is no way that you will learn a bunch of scripts, lines and tactics to “create attraction” – again, this is false.
My “How To Get A Girlfriend” ebook is THE BEST product on the market to transform both the internal belief system and the external vibe and look to represent YOU in the most powerful, attractive way.
Anything that does not focus on both the internal and the external is incomplete, and not as helpful.
You might, however, learn how to influence attraction WHEN IT ALREADY EXISTS. The fact that she is laughing and touching you while you run routines and lines does not mean she is attracted, it means she thinks you are FUNNY – not a bad thing certainly – but it rarely converts to dates. This should explain flaking to you… and why it is so incomprehensible… she was never into you in the first place.
So, learning how to recognize “attraction” is important. But, for now, lets assume it is already there, and that you are now attempting to enhance this polarity, and escalate the interaction with greater sexual tension.
In short, flirting is where we push away with our words, and pull towards with our energy. So, a classic scenario is where the man treats the woman as being slightly beneath him in coolness (I emphasize slightly, as too much comes across as cocky – which signals insecurity). You might call her a “brat”, while smiling at her – the word “brat” is an insult, but the smile is an invitation.
Perhaps that’s a definition – “an inviting insult”. Witty banter has forever been used as a tool to rise socially – particularly in European cultures of the 16th & 17th centuries. See the film “Ridicule” for a prime example of this.
It takes some balls to flirt, as it indicates automatically a sexual interest, which is uncomfortable for many men (particularly those lacking in sexual experience).
What you are looking for are opportunities to insult her, point out her flaws (not physical, of course), treat her like a little sister that you don’t take seriously. Do all of this though with a SMILE – you don’t want to be taken at face value here. By pushing/pulling
all in one we mix brain signals, and engage her emotionally. This is the clearest way to communicate that you are comfortable around her, and that she can be comfortable around you too.
The best flirtatious comments are created in the moment, based on what she is revealing to you about herself at that moment. Flirting is basically the art of insulting, but doing so with a smile.
Here are some great examples of flirting:
(If she is asking lots of “testy” questions) I like that you are asking so many questions, it shows that you are both curious and intelligent. You remind me of Polly Matson who used to sit front and center in 5th grade to impress the teacher with hard questions. (then, if she continues asking questions, refer to her as “Polly”)
(If she teases you about your clothing) You’re clearly Melissa Rivers’ long lost sister…(If she condescends to you in ANY way) “Ok, Lucy from Charlie Brown… we need to get you a football and a little blue dress…”Now, if you struggle with flirting, I suggest taking these (or the many other examples that you can find out there) and practicing them on women LIVE. I strongly believe in using the scripts from the community to learn the SKILLS – but then drop the training wheels.
So, the above should get you started at least. What you are looking for though is the FEELING of flirting – so, when is there an opportunity to flirt? How does it feel to do it? What are her reactions to the things I say? Is the intent being communicated? Am
I coming across too harshly? IS SHE HAVING FUN?? (that is the biggie).
Ultimately, if YOU are having fun then you will definitely translate your sense of humor clearly. If you are inexperienced, you are likely to mix the signals. But, guess what, you
might have to bomb a time or two in order to clean up your signals – there is no replacement for live experience.Also, head out with a friend to practice – use the principles I outlined yesterday in my article on engaging women in conversation, then follow those up with the ideas I detail here.
If you can do this a few times, you will start to “GET IT” and explode your conversations with power.
Become a flirting machine, because you’ll use it constantly in the interaction, and relationship if you choose. It’s an essential step that most guys tend to skip, or FAIL at miserably.
In four days, you’ll learn how to act like a TRACTOR BEAM and PULL her into your world through STORYTELLING. Stay tuned, and practice flirting before you get it!
If you enjoyed these articles I would recommend picking up a copy of his book How to Get a Girlfriend. He goes much further into these concepts… and of course gives away many secrets he’s been holding out on in the free articles.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.