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5 Keys to Making a Connection With Your Conversations

A couple days ago I posted something by Gambler, of Pua Training, on keeping girls interested in your conversations. I’m going to follow up that post today with another email he sent me. This one is a list of 5 things you can do to help make a connection with the girl. If you’re not making a connection than you’re not differentiating yourself from every other horn ball trying to talk to her.

5 Tips to making a connection by Richard La Ruina

1. Relate Things To Them, Not To You Or Your Life

When someone says they have had an experience, like going to Thailand, it is common to instantly relate it to yourself and talk about the time you went to Thailand, or say that you have never gone. Instead, try to imagine what it was like for them, bring out the memories, and show interest in their amazing holiday, don’t sweep it under the table by immediately talking about yourself. Connect for a bit, then it is fine to relate it to yourself.

2. Use What They Give You

When someone is talking they give you pieces of information about them, their feelings and their lives. You can ignore this and talk about yourself or ask another question, but you will be missing an opportunity to connect. Connect on each point before moving on to the next.

3. Be Observant

Notice things about their appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewellery). Women usually put a lot of effort and time into the way they look; their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings, and dress. Most people don’t notice, they’ll be happy if you do. Jewellery and accessories also often have a story behind them or mean something to the girl.

4. Be Empathetic

If someone has an interest, a passion, or a strong point of view you have 3 options. The first is to say “me too”, the second is to disagree, and the 3rd and best option is to show that you understand why she has this passion, interest or view regardless of whether you share it. If someone likes cooking, you don’t have to also like cooking to show that you understand why she would like it. In the form of a question, tell her why cooking might be something she enjoys so much.

5. Talk About Things That Evoke Passions And Feeling

What is something they are very passionate about, it might be anything from friends and family, to travel, to ballet. Connect on these points by showing you understand why they feel that way. Do not gloss over them, say “me too”, or immediately change subject, talk about yourself or ask another question.

Do these things and you will make a real connection quickly. Instead of it taking weeks, you can do it in hours or days.

Watch Richard La Ruina’s collection of in-field videos

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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