The Top Five Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women
Christian and Sebastian put out a great monthly audio program where they tape record real conversations with women to show you how you should be interacting. It really is one of the few original ideas I’ve seen come out in awhile. Its defintately worth checking out. This month Stephen Nast guest producers, so you can be sure you’re going to be hearing quality stuff. (I just love the idea of hidden mics!!!)
Five Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women by Christian Hudson
MISTAKE 1: BEING TOO NICE
Put yourself into a woman’s shoes. She’s been approached by hundreds, maybe thousands of men. The last thing she wants is another BORING, NICE guy. She may tell her friends she wants that. She may write it on her match.com profile. She may secretly believe it. But just because you’re nice, doesn’t mean she’s going to WANT you.
So while you shouldn’t be a jerk (we’ll get to that shortly), you shouldn’t supplicate to her. Don’t offer to buy her a drink, don’t tell her your life story right away, and don’t act like its a favor for her to be talking to you.
MISTAKE 2: BEING A JERK
It is common wisdom that “women like jerks”. Well no, that’s not exactly true… women like men who challenge them. Again, put yourself in the shoes of a woman who is out at the bar.
Man: “Hi, you’re hot, what’s your name?”
Woman: “Uh… I’m Brandy”
Man: “Great. So, uh what do you do?”
Woman: “I’m getting a masters degree in music, I play the flute.”
Man: “What, like the skin flute?”
Ok, our guy here is being an idiot. And believe it or not, this conversation actually happened between my friend Brandy and some random guy. He was trying way too hard to be cool.
Man: “Hey, are you confident enought to accept a compliment?”
Woman: “Uh, sure…”
Man: “Ok great, me too. You go first.”
Woman: (laughs, a little surprised)
Man: “Tell ya what, that’s not fair since I ambushed you. I’ll go first. You… (pauses as a moment as he looks her up and down)… have a fantastic style. I love how your eyeshadow matches your earrings. Great attention to detail.”
Woman: “Wow, uh… thanks.”
Man: “Ok, but don’t get a big ego or anything, we just met. Now its your turn.”
WHOA. Who is this man? Well, he’s having fun, not taking himself too seriously or being a JERK, but wow, he’s confident and funny and he’s challenging.
As an aside, I love this opener!
MISTAKE 3: NOT LISTENING TO HER
When you’re talking to a woman, it is important to truly listen to her and try to discern elements of her personality. If she’s an artist, it would follow on that she’s a visual person; an accountant is going to be organized and precise. Active listening means going beyond the simple things she’s saying, and drawing inferences about her personality. Let’s try a few:
She likes working with children –> she’s got a big heart
She likes to party a lot –> she’s got a wild side
She is close to her family –> she has strong values
She likes to travel –> she has a sense of adventure
By demonstrating active listening and drawing inferences, you can quickly and easily learn about her true personality, and show her that you approve of her for more than her looks.
MISTAKE 4: FLYING BLIND
You meet her at a party and have been talking to her for an hour. The two of you are getting along great, and its about time to move on, but not before you get her number. Then you find out she has a boyfriend.
If you were a salesperson, you wouldn’t stay on the phone with a company that had no budget for what you were selling, right? Similarly, when talking with a woman, it is important that you collect some details about her that will help you plan your next step.
– Is she single?
– Who is she out with?
– What are her immediate plans?
You can bring all these things up as a part of the conversation. You might have heard, though, to not talk about ex’s when you meet a new girl. Pashaw. It’s a great topic, as long as you do it tactfully.
“Yeah, my last vacation was a few months ago… I’d just broken up with a girl and I wanted to get away and clear my head. It was so helpful, and that immediate space helped us get over each other and become friends later. How about you, are you still friends with your ex’s, or do you cut them off?”
Now you’re talking about relationships, and its easy to ask her if she’s currently seeing anyone.
MISTAKE 5: NOT CONNECTING
Its not uncommmon for a conversation to be dominated by one person or the other. Either you just can’t stop talking, or she won’t stop running her mouth. In both cases, it may feel like you’re getting somewhere, but its these sorts of conversations that lead to flakes.
When you first meet a girl, you objective should be to connect on three different topics, interests or emotions. These could by anything, from your mutual love of dill pickles to your thoughts on the environment to whether you prefer Macs or PCs. Personally, I like to talk about my family and find out about hers – learning about her life growing up, and sharing your own, leads to great and rapid connections.
Use transition phrases such as:
“So how about you…”
“Do you remember a time like that in your life?”
“Tell me when you last felt that way.”
Balance your conversation out and connect with her, and you’ll be getting calls back in no time flat.
And if these are the sorts of things you’d like to actually hear, in practice, then you have to pick up a copy of Master the Vibe IMMEDIATELY. We use high-quality, hidden mics to record conversations of ourselves and some of the best pickup artists we know, meeting and date women. Its better to hear something done right than to just read it on a page.
You’re not only going to hear the LINES we use, but also the VIBE we carry into our conversations with women. Basically, you’re going to hear EXACTLY what a confident man with good game does when he’s talking to women.
Then we analyze each conversation, extracting EVERY technique, so that you can use them too. If you find that you’re not meeting and connecting with women, do yourself a huge favor and take a listen to this stuff.
You can be listening to your first conversation via download in minutes: Listen Now!
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.