So, You Think You Want a Relationship?
Recently, one of our readers D posed a question in a comment:
I understand! Ive been taking advice from this site for several months now and my dating game has skyrocketed! I remember Mike saying that the guys who get good at this are the ones that become heartbreakers and I was on that path. I had 4 girls who wanted more than just a physical relationship, and in an attempt to spare their feelings, I ended things with all of them. Truth is now I really do want a girlfriend, not any of them, but I want one. I still dont think Ive milked pick-up for what its worth, but the skills ive gained have impacted my life so much that I no longer wonder whether that girl would like me, or if I could have her, because Im pretty confident I can have the ones I go for. Whats happening? Why is it so hard to get the girls I REALLY like to want more out of a relationship than the ones Im only after sex with? What am I doing wrong?
Well, I think that there comes a point in every player’s life where he thinks its time for a relationship. Hell, I’ve had my share… But just as I was about to respond to D’s question in the comment section I received this email from Derek Vitalio. I think its a great post to read if you’re contemplating going after a relationship.
This post was especially poigant for me as I’m currently battling this dilemna..although Derek’s description of a “Harem Master” seems to fit my ideal relationship lol.
To Find an Incredible GIrlfriend or To Be a Player by Derek Vitalio
Goals allow you to consciously prioritize your time what do with it. There being only so many days in your life, goals allow you to focus in on what you desire most without getting sidetracked.
For example, if you have a clearly defined goal to become a physical trainer, you won’t waste your time going to law school.
Likewise, if you have a clearly defined goal to become a stand-up comedian, you’ll avoid spending your days learning computer programming.
It’s also important to have a goal as to what kind of RELATIONSHIPS you want – so that you don’t go flying blind into relationship situations that don’t make you happy.
The default relationship goal for most guys is to have a steady girlfriend and eventually get married – straight up monogamy.
Usually though, this isn’t a conscious choice of theirs – it’s just what they accept and assume to be the nature of reality because they’ve never been presented with any other alternatives.
There’s one small problem with monogamy however.
There’s no scientific evidence that human beings are monogamous creatures!
Little more than a few centuries ago, people were lucky to live beyond the age of 40. Chances are, either you or your mate would die from disease, famine, or war at an early age. If you had 20 good years together with your woman, you were lucky.
Now we’re living longer and longer, and yet expected to be monogamous for decades longer than nature even intended us to be alive!
And there’s plenty of scientific evidence that men are driven to “cheat” and spread their genes to as many women as they can.
Among married couples, 40% of men and 20% of women report having cheated on their spouse. And that’s just the number of people who will admit it. And that’s just for married couples. The rate may be even higher among boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.
Human beings aren’t unique though. Our closest animal relatives, bonobo chimps, engage in what seems to be a nonstop sexual orgy. And of the estimated 4,000 documented species of mammals, only about 5% are documented as being truly monogamous. The other 95% of mammal species cheat on their mates when given the chance.
You’re probably familiar with what ends up happening in most monogamous relationships.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.