How to Build Comfort During Conversations with Women (day 9)
Today is the 9th day of our 31 Days to Better Game series. The last few days we’ve covered approaching, flirting, and connecting during a conversation. Today’s lesson comes to us by T. from the human nature blog The Rawness. T gives us a complete tutorial on building comfort with women.
How to Build Comfort with a Girl by T.
Bobby Rio asked me to shed some light on building comfort with women. This is just a sampler of techniques you can use to build comfort with women and isnt meant to be an exhaustive list by any means. I hope you guys enjoy it and find it helpful.
Two things I hear guys ask about when it comes to building comfort with women are (1) whether to go indirect versus direct with the game and (2) whether to compliment or playfully insult the woman. My answer is it depends on your conveyed status. If your body language, physical appearance, social proofing and/or manner of speech are strong enough to convey higher value from the moment you walk in the door or open your mouth, sure you can compliment a woman upon first meeting her. One of my rules has always been that its all right to put a woman on a pedestal so long as its made clear that youre on the throne, which is even higher. Or to put it another way, treating a woman like a queen is not a sign of weakness as long as its crystal clear that youre the king. If theres any possible doubt as to your status versus her status, however, you will probably want to lean more toward indirect game and playful teasing and insults.
The more comfortable you get with your game, the easier it will get to convey that youre an alpha male and a prize with hardly any effort. Until you reach that level of game, however, its always better to start in the beginning with a little more indirect game and use playful negging and teasing to bring down your targets status in relation to your status. Eventually though as you get more comfortable with your inner game and alpha role, you want to get skilled at knowing how and when to use compliments and direct game as well as using negs and indirect game.
One of the biggest problems men have with building comfort with women is that they put too much emphasis on the moment of truth, which is the moment of interaction at the bar or club. Picture yourself as an athlete, say a basketball player, but you never practice or touch a basketball except during big games in front of a large amount of people. Imagine how nervous youd be. Imagine how off your game would be. Youd never do that. Youd practice by yourself for hours when nothing is on the line and not a lot of people are watching. Youd run drills. Youd take shot after shot after shot in your spare time. Youd do visualization exercises. And by the time you hit the big game youd feel a lot less pressure on yourself because you mentally prepared yourself for this moment.
The same applies for building comfort with women: practice when it doesnt count and when no one is watching and youll be way more confident and perform much better during gametime. Start a conversation every day with a different attractive woman. Aim for 30 seconds. Then go for a minute. You achieve that, go for five minutes. If youre stuck on a long post office line behind an attractive woman, thats an opportunity for conversation. A woman sitting next to you on a bus reading a book youve already read is an opportunity. A cramped subway car is an opportunity. Make small talk with the Starbucks barista when waiting for your coffee. Chat with a cute bank teller while shes handling business for you. Ask a woman for her opinion on a cologne or article of clothing youre considering buying when youre shopping at the department store. The whole goal is to get comfortable talking to women you dont know. When you do this, take mental notes on what works and what doesnt. Its not enough to make a note on what doesnt work for the sake of avoiding repeating the mistake; its even more important to make notes on what does work so that you can repeat it and fine-tune it. For some reason a lot of guys make a joke or tell a story that works brilliantly in a conversation, pat themselves on the back for it, and forget to ever repeat that joke or story again. Dont fall into that trap.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.