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How to Master Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny (day 11)


We’re at the 11th day of our series 31 Days to Better Game. By now you should be actively out approaching girls. Today’s lesson is on using the 80/20 rule in regards to push-pull and cocky-funny. The lesson was sent in by The Asian Rake. The Asian Rake is a university professor and dating consultant based out of China and Singapore. You can read more about is exploits at his site The Asian Rake. He offers personal coaching privately and through The Social Man.

Mastering the Art of Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny by The Asian Rake

Do You Want Faster and More Powerful Seductions? How the 80/20 Principle applies to Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny?

Weve all heard about the 80/20 principle first developed by Vilfredo Pareto in the context of the distribution of income and wealth. My experience and observations have shown that the 80/20 rule applies just as well to push-pull and cocky-funny.

After closely observing naturals who are masters at crazily rapid escalations and seductions, and after a lot of discussions with PUAs who have really tight game, Ive discovered an important enhancement to the simplistic push-pull and cocky-funny concepts. This small bit of fine-tuning can shave a lot of time off your seductions and create much stronger, closer emotional connections.

Heres my thesis statement (yes, Im an academic, lol): If you want to seduce a woman faster and have her more powerfully attracted to you, the optimal mix for a man who already has his fundamentals down (his body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push.

Im not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately, the optimal combination depends on how good the mans fundamentals are and how confident the woman is. Its a continuum with the upper end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push.

My experience has also been that pull-push is best mixed with humor. Plus, the pull and the push are opposite manifestations of cockiness. With push, you are cocky enough to think that you are too good for the girl, so you push her away. With pull, you are cocky enough to think that you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so you pull her in.

Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and cocky-funny, Ill leave that to another article. My focus here is on the 80/20 principle applied to the push-pull dynamic. Ill assume here that its obvious that push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny.

For the classic book on push-pull, see Swingcats ebook, Real World Seduction. For cocky-funny, the best authority is David DeAngelo. Check out his ebook, Double Your Dating, and his DVD series, Cocky Comedy. I assume at least familiarity with push-pull and cocky-funny as described in these resources. Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks over at The Social Man are about to release a product that incorporates all the concepts in Swingcat and David D.s books and then takes it all to another level. Watch at their site for the release. Were good friends, so Im a little biased, but you can go over there and check it out for yourself:

What I say here is NOT for absolute newbies, who dont yet have their fundamentals down (body language, tonality, and basic inner game). If you still donT know what good BL&T looks, sounds, and feels like, stop reading this and figure that out first.

About Bobby Rio

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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  1. Bobby Rio

    June 25, 2008 at 7:18 am

    Thanks!!!! Excellent article and you bring a point I’ve been meaning to write a post about… A true Rake can show massive interest, say AFC type lines… because everything else about him (tonality,body language, mindset…) shows her he is high status and won’t care one way or the other if she turns him down. I’ve Rakes beg girls for a kiss after being blatantly denied for an hour… then later sleep with them.

    The book The Art of Seduction gives a great insight into why Rake’s can get away with this kind of behavior.

  2. sub5tance

    June 25, 2008 at 10:25 am

    This is probably one of the best articles I have read on this site. Its like a Tyler Durden post (see; innovative, deep, analytic, yet practical and very thought provoking.

    Recently I’ve been somewhat confused – do I play cool and mean and hard to get (Mystery)? Or do I get ‘into state’ and act playful and crazy (Tyler). This article explains the two sides. Also it partly depends on context. The playful, 80% pull mode is great in a party environment. The cooler, more negative approach maybe less so.

    The whole thing about adjusting cockiness based on your looks/body language etc is gold, too. Something I may have fallen foul of.

    Finally this article encoraches on the edge of something I’ve become increasingly interested in (and would like to see an article about)… ‘Direct Game’ which is basically what these 15 minute natural closes are …

    Anyway – excellent stuff and I thank you!

  3. KillSwitch

    June 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Bobby, I actually read and own “the art of seduction” and I must say, it is a great read. however, it confused me because it, in my eyes anyway, tells you to do things that are complete opposite to things that i read from David D, Mystery, etc. I probably just have to read it again, which I do plan on doing.

    As far as this article, i really enjoyed it. It touches on the whole 80/20 thing and I really needed that explained…doesn’t mike talk about something similar in his e-book?

    Anyway, I have a question. Not to come off as too cocky or full of myself, but i’ve been told plenty of times that i’m “hot”. my problem is, i don’t want to come off as too cocky when doing CF stuff, which is where the whole 80-20 rule comes in I guess, but i don’t want to come off too needy…where’s the balance?


  4. response to killswitch

    June 25, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Killswitch, The balance lies in the magical land called CHEMISTRY! No matter how good looking you are, if your not a challenge the girl will get bored(maybe after she slept with you) or whatever. COcky funny is what creates that subtext for banter and fun flirting. I found is really important in what you are communicating while you say it IE if you day “O I dont think you could Handle me . .” with a sly smirk and coming from a fun happpy place its good but that same line said without a smile or any enthusiam can be taken as very cocky. SO its all about the energy you project when you say it, that is your balance. You also dont want to over do the cocky funny because then you’ll just be seen as some fun party guy flirt but nothing more – trust me I’m in this stage with one chick and it fun but it sucks at the same time.


  5. The Asian Rake

    June 25, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Great feedback, guys!

    Yes, as you can tell from my name, I use a Rakish style, with a little bit of the Charismatic thrown in. I think Zan is also a kind of Rake. Almost all the naturals I’ve met who have super fast seductions are Rakes, and their girls fall really hard in love with them, too. I’m a very lazy and busy guy, lol, so I find the Rake to be the most time and energy efficient style, plus it’s just a lot of fun! Greene’s book is a wonderful resource, too.

    Thanks for the kind appraisal. Yes, I’ve heard that Mystery/Matador and TD/Mehow/Lovedrop have different styles and energy.

    Energy, however, is a different question from the push-pull cocky-funny question. You can have high energy CF, and you can have low energy CF (like James Bond). Within the high vs. low energy continuum, you can also have more push than pull or more pull than push. My article addresses the latter issue of the proportion of push vs. pull and the variables involved. I haven’t addressed the energy question in this article, but that would be a good topic for another piece. Thanks for bringing it up!

    I totally agree with you that it depends on the contexts.

    That’s a good question about the different types.
    Greene’s book starts off with describing the various seductive character types. I’ve noticed that most guys just skip that section, but that’s my favorite section! Guys who do a lot of Push Cocky-Funny are mainly Coquettes, using Greene’s categories. Mystery’s style combines a bunch of different characters, but I’m confident in saying that the Rake is not among them.

    It’s important to realize that there are many kinds of seducers and many different yet equally effective ways of attracting women. The questions to ask are: Which character type most appeals to me? Which character types would be easiest for me to adopt?

    My article prescribes a more efficient way for certain types of guys (high value, good fundamentals, or good-looking). I feel like a lot of the community’s teachings are aimed at below average guys who have awful fundamentals and don’t come across high value. For guys like that, it can be very helpful to use Push Cocky-Funny. But for guys who have their fundamentals down and are DOMINANT, continually pushing a girl away can make the seduction last a lot longer, like 10 hours instead of 3.

    To KillSwitch’s respondent,
    Good points! I totally agree on being a challenge. You can do Pull CF and still be a challenge by mixing in the 20% Push and by just being High Value yourself.
    Yes, you can look for the balance in the Cocky vs. the Funny. But like I point out in the article, you can be Push CF as well as Pull CF. There are actually three levels at work here: Push vs. Pull, Cocky vs. Not Cocky, Funny vs. Not Funny. You can tweak things at each level. As far as time efficiency, I don’t think Cocky and Funny really speed up or slow things down. It’s the Push vs. Pull dynamic that can really cut time or add time to the seduction.

    As far as the Energy question goes, I agree that your game should not be ALL push-pull or cocky-funny, and that in most cases, you will need to slow the pace down in order to form an emotional connection. That goes without saying. But like I said, you can definitely be LOW ENERGY cocky-funny.

    Maybe I really should get around to writing that article on Energy.

    Thanks for your thought-provoking feedback!

    Cheers, The Asian Rake.

  6. Pingback: How to Master Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny (day 11) - Dating, Pickup, Seduction

  7. conqterror

    October 7, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    Hey everybody, I’m not so good in speaking English but I will try to be understandable.
    First, I am happy to find that article, because it’s very interresting, because it a little more detailed than what you normely find on the internet.
    Secundly, I like to have more articles that are detailed in that way, about attraction.

    I have a comment about the fact that you have adapt you push and pull technique to your aim. You said you could evaluate your aim by looking at her looks, and personnally I’m not totaly agreeing about only looking at her looks, because a women can be confident about herself because of other factors. These factors can be personnallity, arrogance or cocky and funny she is using (we man aren’t the only one who use that stuff), story-telling-abilities, …
    These might be factors you also have to look at.

    Personnally I think the biggest part of attraction game is the cocky and funny – push and pull
    When you understand that part you might be begin with comfort-building, kinesis and emotionnal-connection


    PS: srry I’m not good at all in English

  8. John Matriciano

    December 16, 2008 at 8:30 am


    Great article… but I must say, that after reading this I was left with come doubt.

    I really like how you break down the push-pull into a science.

    When I break it down it’s less accurate. For me, I have to analyze the reaction before I throw the next ingredient. I the pull made her distant I push, if the push crushed her self-esteem I pull, and so on…

    Ok, this is not about my method, but about yours since it aroused a curiosity in me. I noticed you use a lot more pull than I do and that made me curious… But what really got me thinking was your signature: Asian Rake. So does that mean you target Asian women more?

    I hate stereotyping (because you neglect the person’s individuality), but I believe women of different races require different push and pull ratios. That made me think:
    Do you use more pull, because you target Asian women more often?

    I found that Asian women require a bit more pull, so do latinas. Whereas, I found that anglo (American, English, Aussies, Etc.) require more push…

    What are your thoughts?


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