16 Ways to Lose Your Man Card
Gentlemen, have you ever done anything dumb or jackassey that got your Man Card revoked? Duh, of course you have. If you say youve never had your Man Card pulled, youre a bloody liar. Hey, it happens to the best of us. Be vigilant and use your wingmen to help you from losing your Man Card. Also, reading this site helps.
1. You miss your buddys going away party. Uber-douchey. Dont even consider missing a mans going away party, especially if its for a date. This one gets you booted from a social circle.
2. Your girlfriend says she wishes you were more romantic, and you actually start being more romantic (ie buying flowers, buying more dinners, generally acting like a pussy). Gross. Send that dude back to Man School, stat.
3. You miss your fantasy draft for a date. The ultimate shaft. This one will get your card suspended in a heartbeat. Expect karma to bite you in the ass because your team will suck balls all season. The guy who draft Tom Brady? Yeah, he missed the FF draft for a nice night out with his girlfriend.
4. You blow off boys night out for a date. Classic. Just like a speeding ticket, this one is dings you for 4 points.
5. You fail to comment on a hot chicks breasts/ass because you have girlfriend. Thats fine if you have a GF, but you still have a dick, too. ALWAYS comment on a chicks rack. Its rude not to.
6. You order a salad instead of a steak. At a steakhouse. Actually, if you order ANYTHING but a steak youre getting nailed.
7. You dont approach the girl because youre afraid of getting blown out. 2 points. Just get blown out, dude, its cool. It happens to everyone.
8. You order a Bud Light at an Irish bar. Um, that dude needs to bong two Guinness pints immediately. I wont even consider what happens if he orders a Zima, because its too absurd to actually happen.
9. Your buddy orders a round of shots and you refuse to do yours because you think tequila is yucky. Suck it up, big boy. You dont refuse shots when its a party and your buddy is buying.
10. You do yard work instead of watching NFL all day. Broski, the yard just doesnt get worked on in the fall. It just doesnt. Hire a service or get your girlfriend to do it, because this is friggin PIGSKIN.
11. You miss a great party because youre busy banging your girlfriend. You can always bang your girlfriend. Make the friggin party. Side note, its perfectly okay, even encouraged, to be late to the party because youre getting laid. Your boys will understand and even compliment you on that one. Just dont miss it entirely. I know, this is tough one, make it happen.
12. You dont ask a hot girl out and shes been throwing you signals all day. Weak. Get your game dialed in.
13. You use an umbrella instead of just sucking it up and walking across the parking lot in the rain. Extra points if the umbrella is pink or has flowers on it.
14. You pick DDR over Rock Band.
15. You dont drink beer at the tailgate party because you got too hammered last night. Lame. Put on your shades, eat a bratwurst, and start drinking. I promise, youll feel a lot better after about four beers.
16. Theres a Playboy sitting on a coffee table and you dont look at it. WTF!?! Its screaming at you to pick it up. Pick it up and go straight to the centerfold.
Ive screwed up and done maybe half of these, although not some of the more heinous ones (never ordered a Zima, never used a pink umbrella, never missed a going away party). If you do screw up, make sure to buy rounds of drinks at the next outing or treat your boys to game tickets.
Any others, leave in comments.
About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com