The Way of the Alpha, my way…
They say confidence with women doesn’t come overnight… but I disagree. In fact, I can clearly remember the morning I woke up almost an entirely new man.
I came out of high school a virgin and for the first six months of college I felt completely inadequate and inexperienced with the ladies… and guarded my virginity as a dirty and embarrassing secret. Even back then (before discovering Ross Jeffries in the back of a Playboy magazine a couple years later) I knew that the key to being wildly successful with women was that alpha attitude I just couldn’t seem to muster up. For the first couple years of college I was on a perpetual quest for more self confidence and inner game.
I read the books (Robert Anthony, Tony Robbins, and Wayne Dyer) and while they all played their part in shaping new empowering beliefs and habits in my life… they all did very little towards freeing me from the shackles that seemed to prevent me from possessing that “unattached to outcome” attitude that seemed so necessary in dating beautiful women.
Freshman year of college I started dating a girl named Jillian. And even though she was fairly attractive I still clung to the belief that I wasn’t good with women. And I think that is partly why I wound up cheating on the few times I did. Because I had such a scarcity mentality towards meeting women- I was afraid to give up any chance I had to hook up with a new girl. I had to take the nookie when it came… who knew when it would suddenly dry up or disappear?
I was always looking over my shoulder waiting to be “found out.” I was scared shitless that one day I would walk into the cafeteria at college and a bunch of my old high school classmates would be there telling everyone how much of a fraud I was.
This scarcity mentality and inferior attitude kept me in a bad relationship way longer than it should have gone on for. And when it finally ended it was back to the books. By this time I had discovered Ross Jeffries newsletter and devouring the “secret nookie getting” advice. Ross laid out a pretty good guideline of how a confident alpha male should act.
But there was one big huge problem.
I would go out to the bars, clubs, and mixers. I would act the part. But deep inside I always felt “beta.” I could fake just about anything except that crucial “unattached to outcome” attitude that Ross and the other gurus kept talking about.
But I would not give up.
And I muscled and clawed my way towards more and more hookups.
And that magical night came.
It was a Tuesday night and me and couple friends decided to stay in, throw some darts, suck down a few beers, and take it easy. It was a rare day back then that we weren’t all trekking through some bar making last ditch efforts to scoop up a drunk and unsuspecting sorority girl… so this was a relaxing alternative.
Well that night, I stayed in and seriously enjoyed the company of a few good friends. We shot darts, swapped our recent war stories, and just generally relinquished our desire to chase tail that night. After a few games of darts we popped in The Big Lebowski, smoked a joint or two, and we were about to call it a night.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.