Get the Swagger: A Player’s Guide to Exuding Confidence
We’ve all heard it: “Get the swagger, get the girls.” We can all picture it, too. Guys who are naturally attractive to babes just carry themselves differently from the he-bitches hating on the sidelines. Men with swagger seem more relaxed, more at ease, and more ready to laugh; yet, they also seem more alert, more in-tune, and more sure of themselves. Most people will say, “Oh that’s just the way he is…” and never attempt to put a swagger in their step. However, cultivating swagger is simply a byproduct of two converging forces: your beliefs and your emotional state.
A man’s belief system is probably the greatest or worst investment he will ever make in himself. Literally, what a man believes will shape every second of his life. No amount of money or success can remedy a set of bad beliefs. Conversely, no amount of depravity or bad luck can shake a man who has positive beliefs. With so much at stake, why would any man choose to wire himself with a bad belief system?
Well. There are lots of reasons. And most of those reasons are way beyond the scope of an article on “the swagger.” So let’s only explore the beliefs most relevant to putting your pimp foot forward. To get “the swag” you have to wake up believing everyone is your friend. Literally, people are either your supportive cheerleaders, or they don’t exist at all. There is no room for haters. If someone wants to spit Hateraid in your face, that person gets promptly ignored. Any swagger worth its sway repels negativity and attracts awesomeness. Haters do not apply!
Next, the swag lives by its own standards. A sexy swagger doesn’t have time to survey everyone it passes and find out if they all approve. Walking with a swagger is the exact opposite of walking on eggshells. Swagging men are men-on-the-move, stomping those eggshells into oblivion. To them, sitting around and fretting whether they’re “offending” people is a big waste of time. In fact, an effective swagger must be offensive to some people. He-bitches who cannot process the inherent awesomeness of the swag will go into a “hater feeding frenzy” similar to a rabid shark with Down Syndrome. He-bitch haters lash out at the swagger because the swagger is so money. So before you put the haters on ignore (per the above paragraph), thank them as they are letting you know you’ve swagged correct.
Another belief in the king’s crown of swaggerers is the belief that hooking up with a babe is as much of a win for her as it is for you. Sounds obvious, yet how many guys drive themselves crazy over making the “perfect” impression? While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking pride in everything you do (in fact, that’s implicit in having a swagger), there’s something very wrong in doing something simply to “impress” another person. That, by definition, is manipulation. If you are a guy who truly believes that a man (with a swagger) and a babe hooking up is a big win for both parties, than you are a guy who saves himself a ton of girl-related headaches. If not, those headaches are putting a kink in your swag.
With positive beliefs, your swag is halfway there. To get the other half swagging, get the good emotions flowing. While emotions change on a moment-to-moment basis, there are ways to exert some consistency over your emotional health. Just like listening to the Rocky soundtrack will get you amped for the gym, you should know what gets you feeling awesome. For example, many guys find doing cardio workouts or lifting weights puts them in a positive state. Also, eating healthy foods like brown carbs (i.e. brown rice, wheat bread), lean protein, and lots of water also helps. Perhaps the quickest and most effective “emotional pump-up” is simply beaming a genuine smile. It’s impossible to simultaneously feel negative and beam a huge smile – it’s just too weird. Eventually the smile will win and an avalanche of positive feeling and awesomeness will sweep over the body.
It may seem simple, but a true swagger is what separates the macks from the he-bitches. Guys who walk with swagger are constantly trailed by girl-groupies. If you cement the beliefs and habits above, you will exude attractive confidence with every step you take. Give it a try – write out (in your own words) the three beliefs and try actively implementing a few of the “emotional pumping” suggestions. If you’re not walking with a swagger within a few weeks, I’ll buy you a beer (for real).
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.