Get With The Times: How to Pace your Night to Maximize Dating Success
We all know bars and nightclubs are some of the best places to hone dating skills. Revolving flocks of women come and go as the dimly lit, alcohol-fueled nightlife generates an atmosphere that’s ideal for mingling and socializing. But while most nascent players have hit the barroom trenches to spit game, not all do so cognizant of the rhythm of the night. Some of the problems guys run into when meeting girls during “night game” relates to their inability to read the energy and vibe of the night. By understanding how a night unfolds, a guy can maximize every aspect of his dating success – from ensuring the numbers he gets convert into dates to consistently having a girl in his bed at the end of the night.
One of the most important aspects of night game is having a goal. You should always know why you’re in the bar or club. Your goal may be to go home with a girl that night, get a number that you want to follow up with later, or just be social and talk to a lot of different people. Whatever your goal may be, it’s crucial you know what you want to accomplish since that dictates how you play to the night’s rhythm. However, while goals may vary, the way a night progresses is consistent almost everywhere. Having picked up girls in lots of cities and coached students in lots more, I’ve observed nights shift between three stages. While having an outline of when and how these stages unfold (as well as a list of do’s and don’ts), ultimately it’s more important to develop an intuition about what you should and shouldn’t be doing as the night develops.
Get Happy Hour(s)
When to when: First 40% of the night
Objectives: Get into a social mood, meet and greet, have fun with your friends, get buzzed, let people see you’re normal and social, motivate your buddies
Faux pas: Acting a fool, being tacky make out guy, looking weird and/or creepy, asking girls to come home with you, grinding until your dick falls off
Most nights begin with clusters of people socializing with the friends they came with. Usually you can identify “Get Happy Hour” because people are sober, there’s not much movement (i.e. people wandering around), and there’s no wait for the bathroom. At this point, breaking the ice and getting yourself into a social mood is all you really need to accomplish. Unless you have some reason for doing otherwise, don’t bounce from group to group with high-energy gaming. Remember, people are sizing up the room. While you may think you’re generating “social proof,” you’re really just coming off weird. People will wonder why you’re so quick to ditch your friends to talk to other people. For the first hour or so, I make getting caught up with my friends my top priority. I may bring other people into the conversation, but they’re always second to the fun vibe I’m creating with my friends.
Objectives: Connect with girls you’re interested in, get numbers for future dates, screen girls for logistics for later (i.e. which girls might be down for an “after party” at your place), slowly turn up your sexuality, brief make outs, wing your buddies
Faux pas: Spending too much time huddled with your buddies talking about girls but not talk to girls, running 20-second interactions then moving on to the next girl, not getting physical with girls, talking to girls about nerd topics
As the night shifts into the second phase, people start getting bored of the friends they came with. If getting caught up was the only thing people wanted to do, they would just stay home or go to a quieter place to talk. Fact is people go out to meet new people. This is obvious if you observe what starts happening about halfway through the night. As the drinks flow and inhibitions lower, groups start breaking apart. You’ll notice it gets harder to walk across the bar as people start to move around. Preferably, you want to “lock down” the girl (or girls) you’ve been eyeing during “Face Time” (hence, why it’s called “Face Time”). Generally, the hotter the girl, the sooner you want to lock her down (as Face Time hours are when the hotties get bombarded with bad game). While you shouldn’t be a raging boner running around the club, Face Time is where you can drop the “polite” openers and start ramping up the sexual talk. Usually the numbers you pull during “Face Time” are the most solid for converting into solid dates because the girls are still sober enough to remember you yet loose enough to be ready for some tight game.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.