Most guys think they don’t know how to talk to girls. Most of us imagine a beautiful girl requires conversational banter that rivals Oscar Wilde just to get our foot in the door. Perhaps we got that idea from those witty Hollywood movies or the value we assign to a woman’s beauty. It seems as if what we have to say isn’t good enough, funny enough, or intelligent enough. While what you have to say probably is good enough, funny enough, and intelligent enough, this isn’t going to be another article that simply berates guys for worrying about what to say and then commands them to improve their “inner game” and confidence.
Because let’s face it: knowing what to say to a girl does improve inner game and confidence. So while I do advocate that guys place confidence in saying what they want, here are four pointers to help “grease the wheels” when talking to babes.
Whenever trying to meet and attract girls, you want to create a connection in as little time as possible. The sooner you can transition yourself from “stranger” to “hot guy” the better. Therefore, creating a “you and me” vibe rather than a “you versus me” vibe should be on the tip of your tongue when you start talking to girls. You can play it humorous (“Hey, you look like my future ex-wife”), rapport generating (“Wow, I think me and you are the only two people in this bar who truly appreciate Phil Collins”), or serious (“Hi, I’m Rob. I just had to come over to meet you”). Unless a girl is acting like a complete brat, there’s no need to drive a wedge between you. In fact, creating a “you and me” vibe preempts future bullshit because it gives you a reason to get along if she starts acting up (“Honey, why would you treat the only other soul who enjoys Phil Collins like this? Come on, this isn’t us”). Whether you create role-plays for one another, bond over common interests, or just connect through the environment or situation, the theme of “you and her” should permeate throughout the interaction and, ideally, your relationship.
Tension moves an interaction forward. Injecting tension into a conversation makes it fun, interesting, perhaps a bit awkward, but ultimately incredibly attractive to a woman. To understand tension is to understand confidence. That’s because tension comes from two polarities pulling in different directions. If you’re a wimpy, unconfident guy then a woman’s polarity will pull you, deflating all the tension necessary for “chemistry” (what’s otherwise known as “nice guy” syndrome).
Once you understand how/why tension works, start “holding the line” and creating moments of tension in your conversations with women. By knowing your boundaries and interests, you can confidently disagree with a girl if she says something you don’t like. Most guys think by being a girl’s personal bobble-head doll and agreeing with everything she says will magically get her to like him. But in actuality, the girl wants to see you’re a man with your own interests and tastes.
So if she starts rapping about Britney Spears or some shit you don’t care about, saying, “Yeah, I’m not into that at all” will create tension. This doesn’t contradict the “you and her” vibe because it’s still you and her, but it’s the real you and her (not “fake-you-pretending-to-be-a-girl and her”). Also, a lot of the time, tension in male/female interactions is sexual, so saying things like, “Damn, I just met you, but I haven’t stopped thinking about kissing you since I saw you” or “I’m glad we’re in public or else we’d be doing things that could get us arrested in Mexico” communicates you’re comfortable with your masculinity and lets her feel feminine (and excited!).
Mixing sexual escalation with humor and fun is the best way to keep things moving forward with charismatic ease. Rather than list the obvious benefits of humor, let’s cut right to the pointers on funniness.
One very easy but effective way to be funny is by exaggerating everything. Taking simple, everyday things and making them dramatic and over-the-top is an easy way to get girls laughing. So, as an example, if you were asking a girl to meet you at Starbucks, it’d be funny to say something like, “Oh my God, I’m bringing you to this coffee place that’s pure magic. It’s the best-kept secret in all of Manhattan…but I’ll expose you to the culture and décor known as STARBUCKS. This place is incredible, you can’t even order in English…they have their own Starbucks language with sizes like tall, grande, and vente. Lucky for you, I can translate.”
Another way to quickly improve your humor is by collecting funny phrases or labels. Teasing girls with names like “Chatty Cathy” (if she’s talking too much) or asking if she’s a “wino” (if she’s drinking wine) always get a laugh. Reading good fiction or watching funny movies are great places to mine for comedy gold. Words like “he-bitch,” “wankster,” “diva,” and “twat swatter” are all words and sayings I’ve heard in pop culture and have incorporated into my lexicon of hilarity. Open your eyes and start collecting the funny!
The only guys who “run out of things to say” are the guys who are walking around with blinders on. If you open your eyes, you’ll find a world of things to talk about with women. Everything from how she’s dressed to observations about the people around you should inspire great conversation. For example, I routinely grab a girl’s hand, examine her rings and exclaim nonsense like, “Ohhhh!! Bling bling!!” or grab a girl’s necklace and say, “Cute. I like. I’m gonna steal it.” I could probably have a conversation with a girl for an entire night based solely on making stupid comments about her accessories. And if that ever goes south, looking around the room and making up stories about the people you see never gets old, either. I usually like to keep things sexual, so I’ll usually point out some couple and say things like, “I’ll bet they have really bad sex because he has a small dick” or (more PG-rated), “Do you think that’s her boyfriend or do you think that chick is having a secret affair?” Regardless, if you’re cognizant of what’s in front of you, you should never run out of things to “riff” on.
Take these pointers and try them out. But be patient. Learning to cultivate the gift of gab takes practice and time. Be willing to fuck it up and look like an idiot. In fact, acknowledging your fuck ups can create good conversation. When I say something dumb (which is more than I’d like to admit), I usually just roll my eyes, snicker, and tell the girl, “Wow, that was so retarded. The shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes…” Being a good conversationalist comes back to the belief that what you have to say is good enough for any girl (even if it’s “so retarded”). So with these pointers in mind, go out, talk to some babes, and turn that belief into a conviction! Happy chatting!