The Haters-burg Address
Four scores and seven handjobs ago, our wingmen brought forth on this community a new style of game, conceived in awesomeness, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are naturally attractive…
Gentlemen, it’s time to address a sobering fact of life: haters exist. Whether it’s out at the club, over the Internet, or behind your back, if you’re getting girls, peeps are gonna come a hatin’. The game consists of players and the haters who hate them (i.e. “player haters”). Literally, you are not a player unless you have a few haters, sipping Hateraid from the sidelines and spewing their hatred in your direction. Bad enough players have to deal with this from cock-blocking friends, he-bitch guys at the club, and various other real-world haters, but “the community” also spawns a spattering of homegrown haters. Each guy who enters this community has a choice: be a player or be a hater. The purpose of The Haters-burg Address is to help identify early symptoms of chronic hating and outline the steps to overcome Hateraid dependency.
Ridding oneself of hater tendencies depends on acknowledging the warning signs that you may at risk of becoming a hater. Interests in Internet flaming or man-drama are early hater indicators. Negative people find themselves naturally gravitating toward negativity. A self-loathing person finds solace in the misery and anger of others. Therefore, even if you’re not the cause of flaming or drama, just by seeking it out you’re already putting yourself at risk of devolving into a full-fledged hater. Ask yourself: Why am I reading this? What can I really learn from this? The whole point of Internet forums and message boards is for guys to learn about dating and to get motivated to go out and meet women. Where does wasting time with negativity fit into that agenda? While it may seem momentarily entertaining and funny, in the long run it’s like stuffing yourself with junk food that will fester inside you and make you gross and unhealthy.
After enough time silently lurking around the haters, guys will usually try their hand at some hating of their own. Usually they’ll pick a pre-established target and unload some nasty comments on them. “But they deserve it!” or “I’m just speaking the truth!” are two gateway hater excuses that will ultimately lead to a nasty Hateraid addiction. Again, at this point, it’s important to ask yourself: Why am I doing this? What can I/others really learn from this? Attacking someone (even if they seem wrong or deserving of it) with blind hatred is not helpful for anyone and only exacerbates everyone’s problems. While again, it’s tempting to get in a funny quip or astute observation at someone else’s expense, ultimately you’re only setting yourself up for a celibate life of the hater.
With that, it’s also important to understand the difference between a critic and a hater. It’s not wrong to disagree with someone or question a viewpoint, but do so objectively. Examine the material and not the person. For example, if you’re labeling everything out of someone’s mouth “wrong” or “bullshit” than chances are you’re a hater. On the other hand, if you examine someone’s ideas sentence-by-sentence and can offer a calm and intelligent rebuttal, you’re a critic. Just to be clear, debating ideas and offering opposing viewpoints is not hatin’ so long as you do so with an open-mind and without vitriol.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.