How to Flirt with Girls: A Guide to Frivolous Verbal Foreplay
By: Rob J.
Men often downplay or trivialize this PG-13 art form. Even the word sounds like an anachronism straight out of 1956, where a guy might order one milkshake with two straws and sheepishly grin at his “sweetheart.”
Flirting, however, is even older than that. It dates back to the dawn of sex, where the push/pull dynamic of flirting allowed a woman to size a man up before she invested nine months and her ovaries into him.
Inability to flirt has damned more than one guy to a life of celibacy. It’s a serious penalty for something so meaningless. In essence, flirting is just a frivolous, superficial game.
But, to master that game, you have to accept it, know why you’re playing, and learn the rules. Since you’re reading this article, you probably accept flirting is a necessity to get girls. Though, have you ever wondered why human animals “flirt” before mating?
If a teenage girl were writing this article, the answer would be a giggly “because it’s fun OMG!” But why is it “fun” for girls, but confusing to (most) guys? That’s because flirting is an emotional game where a woman assesses a man’s strength of character.
The man and woman throw barbs at one another, seeing how each reacts in turn. Each time the woman prods the man, she’s observing his calmness under pressure, intellect, wit, ability to think on the fly, emotional intelligence, among a litany of other things all subsumed under a giggly “things that are fun OMG!”
For a man, there’s only one underlining rule of flirting: tension.
Indeed, flirting is a game of creating and releasing tension. Once the tension fizzles, so does the girl’s interest.
For a guy with a lot of perceived value, either by birth (i.e. extreme good looks) or by circumstance (i.e. money, position of authority) he creates tension just by putting himself in front of people. His presence makes people nervous, which is tension. Likewise, a guy without perceived value can evoke an identical response by learning to flirt effectively. The effect will take longer because flirting builds tension gradually, not all at once like perceived value. The outcome, however, is the same.
Here are five ways to pull interactions taut with tension and encourage flirting between you an attractive girl.
1.) Abruptly changing the subject of a conversation
When people talk, they fall in a rhythm of complacency where one person follows the other, keeping the conversation moving in a familiar direction. This allows people to relax and unwind – which is the exact opposite of flirting. While it’s not recommended you become an uber-weirdo and wildly jump from topic to topic, you should understand the tension, excitement, and leadership involved in redirecting a conversation.
Her: “Blah blah, so then my friend said we should shopping and…”
You: “Hold up, did you just say you love the band Journey?!”
Her: “No, I was saying about my friend and sh-”
You: “Oh man, I LOVE Journey! I hope you have not stopped believing!”
Her: “Haha, yeah, that song is great!”
2.) Ambiguous statements
Flirting is anti-logical. Trying to read into a flirtatious comment is like trying to explain why a joke is funny. Once dissected, it loses all its emotion. Laughing isn’t preplanned or a product of logic – it just happens. The same holds true with flirting. Therefore, keep your statements ambiguous and lighthearted. You may even cause her to ponder the hidden meaning.
Her: “So where do you work?”
You: “That’s what she said!”
Her: “What does that mean? What does that have to do with your job?”
You: “Yeah, I work as an accountant, exactly.”
Her: “I don’t get it…”
An old school move, but still as sexy as ever. Whenever given the opportunity, turn one of her statements around and accuse her of something (preferably sexual). The tension of accusation injects a lot of flavor into the interaction you can both play off of and savor.
Her: “Where did you get that shirt?”
You: “My thoughts exactly, let’s go back to my place.”
Her: “OMG! What?! I didn’t say I wanted to go home with you!”
You: “Woah, where is this coming from?! We just met… I don’t know if we can go home together yet! Chill…”
Her: “You’re crazy…”
4.) “That wasn’t a joke”
Probably the funniest line of all time is informing someone with a deadpan face that something perceived as a joke actually “wasn’t a joke.” However, the true humor (and irony) lies in that fact that is was totally a joke. Or was it…
Her: “Are you close with your mom?”
You: “Yeah. Well, I was…before she went to prison.”
You: “That wasn’t a joke.”
You: (After keeping a serious face for 5 seconds) “Ha! Dork…”
5.) Radical honesty
People act polite to avoid tension. And ineffective flirting is just another extension of that. Idiots flirt as if it’s a game of proverbial grab ass where a guy “pretends” he’s either “not interested” in the girl or too cool for her. However, this “strategy” is so cliché and effeminate, it sucks. Real men aren’t just honest; they’re radically honest. That, in itself, creates a buttload of very sexy tension…
Her: “Is a your pickup line?”
You: “Of course it is.”
Her: “Oh! So what do you think? You’re just going to use some lines on me and I’m going to go home and have sex with you?”
You: “Well, I actually thought I’d also have to have some serious conversation with you before the sex. But, hey, if you’re ready to home now, I’m in. I mean, it’d be rude not, now wouldn’t it?”